Fanfiction

Hey guys, this is a crazy group fanfiction I had the great honour of typing up, hopefully without too many errors. It's also up on tumblr, on the blog called itll-never-be-ogre, or something like that. There's even a video on youtube that's definitely worth checking out, it adds to the craziness of the story. I hope you enjoy it!! :)

I walked  down the corridor enjoying the peaceful feeling flowing through me, ebbing and flowing like the green lights embedded in the floor. As I walked, I slowly looked up, and before me I saw it. I couldn't believe it was truly real.

It was him, and he was back. Those shining eyes remained untouched, that twinkle unextinguished. What did I say?

I opened my mouth to speak, but he turned away. He hadn't seen me. My cheeks coloured and my stomach ached. I tried to run after him but my foot caught on an uneven tile and I tumbled to the floor.

Pulling myself up desperately, I continue towards him, shaky, an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Holding back tears, I call out to him, my voice strained and out of breath.

He doesn't even turn to me. I just stop, I keep shouting his name, running to him, the tears streaking down my face. He keeps walking and I just keep screaming out, my lungs burning from crying out. One last call, that's all I can manage. I scream out his name, one last time.

His head turns. It was barely a twitch in my direction, but it was enough to tell me he'd heard. Was he ignoring me on purpose?

"Sherlock?" I whispered, my terror and fear lacing my voice. Pain filled me, he was leaving me, abandoning and throwing me away. I fell and collapsed, down on the cold hard stone floor. He turned to me, his eyes piercing me as he stared at my humiliating state.

But then I woke up surrounded by posters and books. I was still on the other side of the world to Benedict Cumberbatch.

Then I went to sleep again. I was in a bookstore, running my fingers over the book covers as I walked along the shelves. I hear a cough behind me. I hesitantly turn around to find John Green standing there in front of me. Then suddenly, John and I are at my house watching "Spirited Away," and eating marshmallows.

Suddenly I find myself in the movie, trying to find my parents amongst the other pigs. But try as I might, I just couldn't recognise any of them. I started to panic, having trouble breathing. I shot awake and my eyes widened as I noticed a tall dark shape standing opposite my bed.

Slowly, the figure rose until it was illuminated by the light of my lamp. I froze at the sight of the waxy green ears protruding from his head, and the round, hazelnut orbs staring down at me.

"Shrek," I whispered passionately. "You came back to me."

"It was never ogre between us," he murmured, his large green hands caressing my hair.

"Shrek," I sighed, pulling back as guilt clawed at my stomach. "I have something to tell you."

He kissed my forehead. "What is it?" he asked.

I drew in a shaky breath. "W-well," I stuttered, "I'm having a baby."

He gasped as I continued.

"It's yours..."

"Yes," All of a sudden...

My water broke. It was as painful as listening to One Direction singing a folk song. "Gasp," I said.

"What's the matter?" said Shrek.

"MY WATER BROKE!" I screeched.

"Would you like m  to get an umbrella?" Shrek answered.

"Yes, you get me an umbrella! That will be perfect!" I exclaimed. As he ran to to get an umbrella I had the overwhelming feeling that my baby was going to be strange, but strange in what way? I was about to find out... Just as I thought about my arriving baby, Shrek returned with the umbrella - yellow and polka dotted - perfect for holding my baby after their birth.

The contractions became stronger and the pain overwhelmed me.

"You're doing great," Shrek said, holding my left hand. The time had come for his birth and I pushed, screaming every time. I looked over at Shrek and his face showed confusion and anger. The baby... wasn't a baby at all. With my last push I collapse on the bed and see Shrek enraged.

"What is this?" he roared.

I look and there lay David Tennant. I had no idea what was going on.

"BARROWMAN!" he yelled, shaking his fist wildly.

Second Fanfiction

How did I get myself into this? How did I get stuck with this huge choice? My eyes scan through the shelves looking for the perfect flower crown for tomorrow. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to David.

"I found one! Can I get it? Please, please, please," he nags.

"Fine!" I exclaim. It's a hot pink flower crown with beautifully exotic leaves and flowers. David places it on his head, resting the flora on his silky hair, the crown exaggerating his luscious locks. I must admit, I am a little jealous of his hair.

"Why do you have to look so damn hot with that flower crown of yours?" I say angrily. All of a sudden Matt Smith karate kicks a hole in the building. He is wearing the same flower crown as David.

Matt yells: "You totally stole my look!"

He grins widely whilst pointing to the flower crown on top of his head.

"I wear a flower crown now, flower crowns are cool!" he exclaimed.

Matt, what the hell are you doing?!" spoke David in his thick Scottish accent.

"I'm not Matt... [Suspenseful music plays in background] I am the Doctor!!"

It turns out Matt Smith was a fake name all along and the doctor was being played by the doctor!!! The Doctor is real!! What! Plot twist...

"And now we have to run," Matt -uh, wait, The Doctor- said, "because there's a dalek in your flower crown."

David's mouth hung open. "Ah. I see."

He ripped his flower crown from his head just as a Dalek's robot eye stalk emerged from the centre of one of the white flowers.

"Eguaticate," it proclaimed, swivelling from side to side.

"What does that mean?" David asked, turning to Matt.

"Hipster Daleks," Matt said, shrugging. "They make up words."

"So THAT'S why it was hiding in the flower crown..." I said, "but how did it get so small?"

Then suddenly the Evil Marshmallow King called. Sophia jumped out of David's belly button and started to suffocate a baby unicorn. Meanwhile, Matt was pretending to be an artistic gay Pegasus with orange boobs.

Sophia was aroused by Matt's transformation and did what some would call assault. Then the Doctor came over and grabbed me...

"Um, David, can you put me down... maybe now?" He continues to carry me Hollywood style... but painfully.

We climbed into the Tardis. He put me down next to Handles, but there was something wrong: out of nowhere came Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, they were making out in the Tardis. David was outraged!

"COCK BLOCKED!" yelled Harry Potter, apperating out of nowhere. He stood for a moment, still, then fell to the ground, dead. Standing behind him, laughing was Ron.

"That was bloody awesome Harry!" he roared.

"Um, excuse me," David interrupted. "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my Tardis!"

"What aren't I doing?" he winked.

David made a frustrated sound and turned to face Martha Jones!

She slapped him across the face viciously.

So much for it always being the mothers... He must be getting old. Did that mean it was time to give up the sandshoes?

P.S. THEY'RE NOT SANDSHOES!!!!