Love Note

Part 3: @im_star_0307

▻ Hyunsik's POV

It's 2 a.m and I can't fall asleep. I stay awake, keep staring at the sky through my window. The late evening is my favorite time of the day, the night sky is beautiful with its borderless flow of clarity. The sky is full of amazing shining stars, looking at them never makes me bored.

When I was young, my father and I used to stay up late, we were sitting on the balcony, looking up at the sky. He sang while I was counting stars. The gentle melody embraced my soul, nurtured the dream of becoming a producer and a singer of an 8-year-old boy.

I have never felt alone at night. The sounds of the autumn breeze, the sounds of the falling leaves, of the fights of the neighbor's cat, the harmonies of my own feelings. Music, to me, is everything. Music makes me... whoever I am. I put on an instrumental song and keep counting stars, hoping that I could fall asleep as soon as possible. 

One star, two stars, three stars... Even though there are trillion stars upon the dark sky, but each of them are a million miles far from each other. The stars shine brightly themselves, in order to draw human's attention, but they never stop feeling lonely. People acknowledge the stars' existence, but they never talk to the stars, ask the stars "Are you okay?", "Don't you feel lonely?", they don't want to truly make friend with a star.

Never.

I am just one of those stars, always feel lonely. Mentally lonely.

Try folding a paper then open it, the paper is now left with a crease. As well as our heart. Fold it then open it, even though they are not visible, the scars always exist. The one with the broken heart, will carry the pain for the rest of their lives. A familiar figure flashes through my mind. Mi Reum, how can I forget this girl. Mi Reum was my childhood friend, and my first love. We had so many memories together. But it's hurt, whenever I think about her. When I was only a rookie, we were not allowed to date. We didn't break up, and she promised me that she would wait for me. Her promises were such pretty words. Promises. She cheated on me, and we broke up. We didn't officially break up, but she disappeared from my life since those days. I am not hurt anymore, but that aching feeling always bothers me.

In one moment, I smile, thinking about today fansign. It is so good to have a chance to get closer with Melodies like this. As usual, I'm thankful for every single moment, especially when I'm with Melodies and our members. But, I smile because of a Melody, that girl, erh... ah! Cherry Girl. I chuckle, remembering her blushing cheeks. This girl is really cute, and,... she has the same hazel eyes as Mi Reum's. But Cherry Girl's eyes are bigger, she looks like a cute baby with a cute smile and bubbly characteristic. Laying down on my bed, I find myself acting really weird. Thinking about a fan, and having strange feelings. There is something about this girl that I find special, I want to know her more. This is impossible, I talk to myself. She is your fan, dude! Among million people, how can we meet again? Cherry Girl, I hope to see you soon in the near future.

What is this mood swing? Maybe it's just because I'm overthinking. I still can't sleep because of the urge to write new songs. How can I find my inspiration, I am clueless. I open my phone, surfing through my SNS, click heart on some photos of mine today. Looking at those pictures, I smiled widely like nothing had happened. That's a life of an idol, people won't never imagine how struggle their idols are off-camera and off-stage.

I keep scrolling down my feed, like some more tweets and stop at an advertisement: "Tinder finds out who likes you nearby and connects if you're both interested." Tinder? This app sounds familiar. Ah! The dating app that Sungjae suggested this morning. Unhesitatingly, I download the app and start discovering it.

I don't know what I am expecting, but like Sungjae said, I may earn something from this. Well, let's start with my username. Which one should I choose? I want to be unrecognizable, I may choose another name. How about Hyungnim? Yes, this name sounds really manly and attractive. Haha, I'm sorry hyung, Hyungnim is our manager's name. Moving on to self-description, what should I put here? Cute smile? Should I put my favorite music genres? It takes me nearly half an hour to finish: "Music is my life. I like playing my guitar and composing songs while having a good cup of coffee. I am not a type of person who is easy to express feelings." I finish my profile by uploading the picture of my guitar and fall asleep straightaway.