i think the thing that's really made me feel as if i'm a wreck of a person
has been that i find little love in others, lately.
i was never the type of person to think that people adore me, and i'm not quite sure if i ever really will be. because when i step out of my body and look at myself, there's no reason to love me. there's no dazzling smile that breaks hearts, no luxurious voice that melts minds, no stunning body for others to love.
i'm just kind of..
lonely. but not because i need somebody,
it's because i know that no one wants me. and in the end, i think that's the thing that really hurts people. the feeling of not being needed or even desired.
i feel that all the time. even when they say they like who i am (somehow) i have to keep asking why. or to reassure myself, like it's a silly idea or a crazy concept to find me beautiful.
because i'm not beautiful. and those who think i am, probably don't know me well enough.
i'm never fishing for compliments. when i really do say i'm horrible at something or say how my eyes don't shine like others' do, i genuinely mean that i hate who i am. and my anxious mess of a mind really despises who i am inside and my skin and my face and my hair and my -
everything . all that i am is the worst i could ever be.
and you know, i'm stuck on the thought that nobody will ever love me.
