A Choice

The Dinner

"James, I spent years running form my mistake while it snowballed after me. It was larger everytime I stopped to look at it, and I was just too selfish and afraid to do anything to fix it. But I've finally realized that continuing to run from what I've done is not going to make me any happier and it won't make it go away. I know it took way too long for me to finally own up tp what I've done, and I know I have to live with it for the rest of my life." She inhaled deeply, finally reaching her defensive argument. "But continuing to stay out of Zoie's life isn't going to make things any better. She's going to get older James, and when she does she'll realize my absence."

"You heartless bitch!"

Nadine jumped at the brutality of his words, and took in a sharp breath.

"She realizes you absence now." He looked at her like she was the most despicable creature on Earth, and when he opened his mouth to speak to her, he shook with rage. "She hasn't stayed the same since you left. She learned how to walk and talk. Oh! She's potty trained too. I don't know if you knew about that one. That was fun to do alone. She knows how to read. And she's fully aware that all the other girls at school have both a mother and a father. She remembers your last visit, and she has all those silly magazing you're on. We even went and saw that sleezy movie of yours this afternoon, before you started tearing all your clothes off and we had to leave the theater. She knows exactly who you are, and what you do. And why don't you go ahead and have a peak at some of those letters she wrote while you're at it? She knows you're not around, and she always wants to know why! It's getting more and more difficult to lie to her, and I don't want to have to deal with the pain it's going to cause when she finally comes to the realization of what you did. But I would still rather go through all that than have you be around her. I said Zoie's mother was fictional because that's exactly what I made her. The love that's written in those letters comes from me, and otherwise that persona is completely made up. I don't want her to get to know you! You're a bitch who doesn't care for anybody else but herself. I don't want you to shake Zoie's entire world by showing up here, horribly influence her, and then leave again in a week when you realize once again you can't handle the responsibility, hurting Zoie even more than you already have."

James' face had grown read with the rising of his voice, and from the upstairs the opening of a door could be heard.

"Dad?" Zoie's voice called from upstairs.

James flinched, hoping she hadn't been listening to his entire rampage.

"Yeah sweetie?" He called up.

"Bakit mop o sinisigawan mommy ko?"

Nadine's eyes grew large and she whispered to James with shock. "She called me Mommy!"

"Why the hell would that surprise you?" James snapped. "Did you think she didn't know your relationship to her?"

"No, it's just..." Nadine trailed off and looked pitifully at James. "Give me one chance. Just for Zoie?"

"Dad can I come back downstairs now?" Zoie called.

James remained silence, glancing from Nadine to the bottom of the stairwell, visible from the living room.

"Yeah Zoie." He finally replied back, looking Nadine straight in the eyes. "Come on down."

He took a step closer to Nadine. "You can't stay here at night, you can't talk about any of our personal issues in front of her, and you can't contradict me on any rules."

She nodded swiftly while the sound of four year old feet could be heard pounding down the steps. Zoie came flying into the living room just as James gave a final disapproving glare towards Nadine that lets her know that his relent changed nothing between the two of them.