I cant even... Connor Franta. (fan fiction of course)

22

I'm a dandelion. I'm not necessary, or pretty, or "society worthy." I'm not the girl that anyone wants or is special. I don't fit into any stereotypical categories. I'm not the "cheerleader" or the "nerd." I'm not the girl in stories that doesn't feel special, has one or two friends, and a sucky life, and in the end she finds out she is special and finds more friends and gets the guy. I'm not that girl by any means. Because in the end, I'm not going to be special. I'm still going to be worthless and not pretty and not the "normal" even. Whatever the "normal" is any more. I'm a dandelion. A weed in the cracks of the sidewalks that people walk all over. No one stops to observe a sidewalk and admire it's use in life, or the purposes it has. It shelters the unworthy, and unimportant, so they have a home to spring forth from.

I'm certainly not a rose. I could never be a well-polished, well-loved, and well-wanted rose. They're what people expect, what people treasure in life. They're rich and a symbol of love and need. I'm not that, and I never will be. Because that only happens in movies and typical best-selling books. Dandelions are picked up and used by other people to make their lives better. They ruin those dandelions and wish for something to help themselves out. But because we are so worthless, nothing good comes to them. Their wishes don't come true, because we have nothing to offer. We're thrown on the ground and trampled. We try and re-grow into that shelter of a sidewalk that is always there. It's not the greatest home for someone, but it's the greatest home for us dandelions. It's the thing we need in life, above all else. A place to become "us" again. A place to feel like we can stand on our own roots again. That sidewalk continues to get stepped on, and has just as many cracks as us. Just as many beat up places, but that sidewalk understands. We come together to try and start over. It's all you can ever really do in life once you're trampled. Try and start again. 

Connor's my sidewalk. And I'm still a plain old dandelion. But he makes me feel like the prettiest dandelion ever. And a flower as beautiful as he makes me feel, doesn't belong in a rose bush. 

"Connor." I spoke the word out into the silence that we shared so nicely together. His head lifted upwards and his eyes connected with mine. "I've always loved you. I'm always going to love you." 

"Don't say that." Connor spoke back in return. A look of confusion spread across my face. 

"Why not?" I questioned his last three words. 

"Because you can love me, but not be 'in love' with me. And unfortunately, darling, those are two different things. I don't want to hear that you love me, because that's something you tell a relative, or a deceased dog. It's not something you tell someone that you want to spend forever with." 

"Don't say forever." I mimicked him in a way. The same look of confusion covered his face as well. 

"Well, why not?" He mimicked me in return. 

"Because I can't promise that. I have come to gravely dislike that word. Inevitably, death will come and forever will come soon after. And as a corpse I can't promise my love for you. And 'always' may seem just like 'forever,' but it's not. Forever has a negative connotation, and always does not. Forever is something that I can't control, but always is. Because I'll love you in "all the ways" I can. With words, such as the ones I'm speaking now," I scooted a little more towards him on his bed, "with my heart, that is so precariously beating," I inched closer to his face and began to whisper, "and with my lips that only belong to you." Our lips met and every spot on my body felt as light as a feather. Every part of my body that I only wanted him to be able to touch. That I only want him to have. 

"Alright." His lips curled into a smile in between kisses. 

"I'm in love with you." I said. I'd said it before but it's never held as much meaning as it does now. 

"I'm so utterly, completely, and unconditionally in love with you. And I promise I always will be." He continued to fill my stomach with butterflies and my body with lightness. 

"What ever did I do right in the world to deserve you, my love?" I asked, needing an answer for how lucky I've gotten. 

"You did nothing to 'deserve' me. But I did everything to get you." 

 How have I lived as long as I have without him? I sound like a hopeless romantic, and believe me I am. But I've never sounded so completely reliant on someone. But I am now, and I'm so happy it's on him. There's going to be bumps in the road, and I know that I shouldn't even burden him with myself, but I just can't help myself. Call me selfish, but I want him, and I need him like you wouldn't believe. It's a feeling even I can't describe. 

"Will you lay with me?" He asked once again. 

"Of course I will." I laughed, because it was a ridiculous question. Why would I not? 

"That came out wrong. I meant, will you stay with me?" He asked with a hopeful expression on his face. 

"Of course I will." I repeated as we resumed our original positions before. 

Why would I not? 

~Author's Note: I'm sorry its short and long over due! More chapters to come .xx Oh, someone messaged me and asked what my instagram is, and I figured aye we're all friends here lol so you can follow me on instagram or tumblr and I'll follow you back if you comment your usernames in the comments. (Instagram: @momomac13 // tumblr: amazingimpossibility.tumblr.com) :D any feedback on what you'd like to see or what you thought is always welcomed as well. I love hearing from you guys ~stay awkward~