Sixty-Two ☼ Phan

Thirteen

"Hey, honey, how are you?"

I was sitting in the empty bathroom on the countertop. My body faced the mirror, fitting perfectly as I held the phone to my ear.

"I'm great, mom. What about you?" I asked.

There was a pause, and I pictured her smiling as she imagined her oldest son having fun for once, all grown up.

"I'm good," she said. "We all are. I miss you."

"I miss you, too." I stared into the mirror, into my own eyes. Waiting for them to open up like tiny doors, though the idea was idiotic.

"How's camp? Made any new friends?" she hesitated. "You know, Dan, that's a nice camp. It's special, too. Do you - do you know why?"

I didn't answer, or listen. My mind was elsewhere.

"Dan?"

I blinked carefully. "Hey, do you think our reflections watch us?"

She paused, then chuckled nervously. "What?"

"Nevermind," I said, smiling to myself, watching the way my lips moved to show its crooked teeth. "What'd you say?"

Another pause. I couldn't imagine her expression this time. "I said, have you made any friends?"

Ah, the word friend again. Have I made any friends? Or, what she meant to ask, have I found any distractions? Thought of anything other than the obvious center of attention. Done anything other than cry.

"Yeah," I told her. "A few. A couple."

"That's good. Really. I'm really glad."

I turned away from my relfection and nibbled on my lip. There was a loud thump in the background of her light breathing, and I heard her sigh.

"Leo!" she screeched, away from her end of the receiver.

Leo yelled something back, but I couldn't make it out. Another thump.

"Let him have it, he'll fall asleep! I'm talking to Dan, just give me a minute!"

Approximately three seconds of silence. Rustling, and then we were back to that soft atmosphere of shared dismality and forced happiness.

"Sorry. What'd you say?" she asked.

"I didn't say anything."

More quiet breathing. It felt like we were relatives catching up on Thanksgiving or Christmas. You cared about one another, truly, but couldn't quite work up to a comfortable conversation. Then, I remembered something.

"You know," I said. "It's the weirdest thing. There's a counselor here that has the exact same t-"

A scream cut me off, once again on her end. Leo, of course. She made a sound, aggravated.

"I'm really sorry, Dan," she apologized. "I have to go. Call me again, okay? Bye, I love you!"

I managed a small goodbye before the line went dead. My phone remained in hand for just a moment before I hopped off the counter and shoved it into my pocket. When I left the building, Phil was waiting against the wall, adjusting his contacts. He looked to me at once, then gave a tiny grin in greeting, no teeth.

"All good?"

I forced a smile. "All good."

It'd been two days since I found out about him. As per usual, I'd been doing the best thing I could possibly do and ignoring the hell out of the whole problem. Whenever I saw James, Chris, or Peej, I avoided their eyes. They avoided mine. We were equally fairly uncomfortable with how things worked out. Or, to better word, how things ended up. I didn't want to use the phrase worked out, because it didn't work out. The situation was still crushing all of us and we just went on with life as normal.