Father Of My Child... Mr Hollywood

Chapter 1

At 32 and having lived in LA for more than 5 years, I still cannot get used to the heat... How does my age matter to this statement you might ask...

Well it doesn't but I thought I might as well state the number of years I have wasted doing absolutely nothing when a degree sits atop my living room couch.

Today I sit by the dining table violently slapping at flipped pages hanging in the air before they settle to reveal other job ads with ridiculous salaries that couldn't feed a pet if I had one. I don't want to be an inconvenience on dad anymore and even though mum doesn't say it out loud, she's slightly getting tired of me mooching off of them.

I am just about to take another newspaper from the holder having found nothing in the one I have been reading when, my house phone rings.

It's mum.

She is the only one who calls me on it and refuses to use a mobile phone like everyone else.

"Hello mum... is everything okay?" I call into the phone a tad worried since she had called me only last night.

"Yeah, everything is fine... how is job hunting going?" she questions, sounding blasé. There isn't any alarm, frustration or anger behind her voice which eases my anxiety but her question pokes at the curiosity wires in my brain.

"Great." I say... "Why?" I wonder for a moment if she called to make sure that I was using her strategy of job hunting and before she can question me on it, I let her know. "Mum I was just checking the newspapers before you called so if-."

Before I can finish telling her not to worry, she cuts me off.

"Well that's good dear but that's not why I called." She sighs before she continues as if trying to delay what she has to tell me.

"It will be half term for Michael in two weeks and he has been begging me to let him go your way for a visit."

What she says stops my breath for a second. How can I tell her that I cannot afford to entertain my own little brother? I was hardly getting by with the money dad has been giving me monthly and my savings are running low since I haven't worked in a while.

"But-"

"I know." Mum cuts me off. "We were there over for Christmas but he won't listen... he says he misses you too much and well he wants to see his niece... speaking of- how is my granddaughter feeling today."

My worry about having Michael seizes for a moment as mum questions about Emma's health...

Emma...

The only beautiful thing in my life and the only reason why I refused to give up on life a few years ago. I still find amazement in how my life turned out. I went from being one of the best at my work place to being the fool who should have seen 'it' coming. I was slapped with depression thereafter which brought on stupid decisions that made my child a 'mistake'...

"Katie... is she alright... did the fever go down?"

"Yes- yes." I reply unsure about my response. I had been checking on Emma every 2 minutes and her temperature had seemed to go down but she still didn't have the energy that she always had. "She's sleeping right now."

"Don't worry dear... children that age often get fevers... she'll be fine."

I nod at what she says as if she can see me but her reassurance doesn't stop my heart from tugging with worry. Emma has always been that beautiful child that everyone adores because of her friendliness and energy but today she could barely keep her head up.

"Katie... seriously if you worry yourself sick who will look after Emmie."

I snap out of my thoughts quickly once her words hit me and adjust my slumped shoulders.

"You're right mum." I say with a smile on my face. A chuckle follows which mum catches.

"What?" she asks but I tell her its nothing. It isn't 'nothing' to be completely honest. She and Dad have changed entirely.

I still remember the day they had found out about Emma like it was yesterday. Michael had convinced them both a little over a year ago to surprise me with a visit. It was on a Monday in August and I had been having one of the best days of my life with Emma in the park. We hadn't been out in a while since it had become increasingly hot and I hated the heat on Emma.

The cool day had immediately turned sour when I walked round the corner to go into our apartment.

Since I had been so taken by Emma's chocolate stained cheeks and was laughing away at her cuteness, I hadn't noticed them right away.

"Mummy hmm." Emma had said stuffing her face with more chocolate marshmallows. She had found her stuffed reflection in the pond at the park funny and wouldn't stop trying to make me laugh. She leaned in to give me a kiss but I pushed my head back with laughter.

"No Emma, you'll get mummy dirty." I protested. She was having way to much fun as she wrapped her hands around my neck and buried her head into my neck. And that was when I saw everyone's pale faces through Emma's curly hair.

After standing there for what felt like days, I moved closer to my family almost dropping Emma in the process. She must have been shocked because she looked behind her but her surprise wasn't for long as she began to chuckle.

"Mammyyyy..." she cried out. "Gampa... Gampa he-ah."

As those words left her mouth, I prayed for the ground to swallow me whole. If that hadn't given it away, nothing would have. No one moved and my feet were then glued to where I stood. I made an attempt to speak but no words left my mouth.

After that endless shockwave for everyone, it took about thirty minutes to find mum who had vanished right around the time Emma had said Gampa. We had walked around the block without saying a word to each other and found her seated on a street I had never been on before.

After taking her to the house and giving her water, she demanded that I take Emma away before she could speak to me. Michael had instantly fallen in love with her and didn't object to play with her in her room.

"Is this how I raised you?" she had began "How could you do this to us?" "Did you think you could hide a whole person?" "She even knew about us... how could you not tell us." "what ... Gampa... gampa Katie... how can she know about us when we don't know a thing about-."......

"Katie... Katie." Mum calls breaking through my thoughts. "Are you even listening? ... anyway I have to go.... Look after Emmie for me... love you."

And she is gone. One of the reasons why I had left London for the job opportunity in LA was because I couldn't stand the lack of appreciation I got from my mother even when I thrived in school. It had always been May and her perfect eyebrows but as soon as Emma had come along,

Mum and Dad have changed drastically and so beautifully that it cripples me with fear sometimes. I catch myself wondering if I can live well once their attention disappears.

The truth is that I have never been able to answer that question.

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