Holding the flowers between her hands, she gracefully walked down the hall rehearsing her walk down the aisle. Her wedding was supposed to be three weeks from now, the second of June, but was postponed due to the inability of the groom to attend.
She was smiling to her supposed to be brother-in-law, picking up her pace she reached him and threw herself at him, wrapping her hands around his neck while his around her waist.
"How did he take the news?" she asked, not at all worried that her voice was breaking.
He sighed as he shook his head, "Bad. He couldn't accept it. He wouldn't. He's been awful, he kept saying that he can't live like that."
She let out a shaky breath. "Is he awake?"
"I don't know. I went outside an hour ago to smoke a cigarette, came back just now contemplating whether to get in or not."
She hugged him again and rubbed reassuring circles on his back with her free hand, "It's okay he'll be fine, we'll be fine, he'll get over it." She sighed "I hope."
"I hope so too."
She clutched the door handle and looked at him, the tips of his lips quirked up in an attempted encouraging smile, "I'll be right here if you needed anything." Her response could barely be referred to as a smile, then she disappeared out of his sight, the door automatically closing behind her.
She got into the room as quietly as she could and placed the flowers at the end of his bed. She looked at his sleeping face with admiration; he was the one who owns her heart, how did he find the key? She wouldn't know. All she knew was even when she had her guard on fully all the time he had managed to break it and win his way to her heart.
She placed a soft hand on his leg to wake him up, but he remained asleep.
He had always been a heavy sleeper anyway.
Focusing on that thought kept the tears from escaping her eyes.
Moving next to him, she fitted her hand in his, he had always said that he knew they were meant to be because there hands fitted perfectly inside each other's. He wanted to show the world how they were truly a match made in heaven so whenever he could he would hold her hand and never let go.
Those happy thoughts of their days together caused a teary smile to appear on her face, "I love you" she half whispered.
"Amelia." His hoarse voice called her name.
"Oh honey." She half cried surprised, she then bent down and kissed him softly on the lips. She pulled away holding his gaze, her face inches from his, his hand reached out to wipe a stray tear that has escaped her hazel eyes. She could feel his unsteady breath, his heart rate matching hers. "I missed you so much." She breathed, leaning in to kiss him again but he turned his head away.
Taken aback, she bolted upright, taking a deep breath and trying her best not to let her voice crack she asked, "How have you been feeling?"
A snort was what she got as an answer.
She heaved another breath, stirring her brain to find something to say to ease up the tension but found nothing. She slumped her shoulders and sat by his side on the hospital bed. She took hold of his hand and rubbed it gently. Her heart softened at the sight of his face; it held lots of emotions, many of which she couldn't decipher. She recognized sadness, hopelessness, pain. But she knew there were more, more of which he wouldn't share. She tried to smile, he has always told her her smile is contagious. She couldn't bare to see him broken. She wants the old him back. The funny, optimistic him.
He brought his other hand and opened her palm, her face broke into a smile thinking that he's trying to hold her hand and feel her touch. Little did she know what was he really doing. Not seconds had passed before she felt a cold metal in her hand.
Once she recognized what was put she felt as if someone had splashed freezing cold water on her, to say the least. Her body went rigid, jaw dropped to the floor, her heart shattered into a trillion pieces, many feelings raced through her but she couldn't catch a glimpse of any to react upon.
He retreated his hands while hers were still sculptured in place. He depended on his arms to lift him backwards so that he would be in a semi-sitting position, while his legs dragged along the mattress.
"It's over."
"what, what's over? what are you talking about?" Tears that had already welled up in her eyes threatened to fall.
"Amelia, don't make it any harder. Just leave." His eyes wouldn't meet hers, he looked at anything but her.
"Wha ... I don't understand, what do you mean?" her mind refused to progress any of his words.
"I think it would be better if you leave" he paused "For good."
Those words, those last two words pierced through her heart. Both of their hearts; he didn't want her to leave, not now not ever no matter what, but now she has to. She was by his side through his darkest days, she made him believe that kindness and happiness truly existed. When she was around he felt funny, he was afraid of that feeling, it was so foreign for someone with the past of his to feel lost in love. As for her, she was terrified when she had developed feelings for him. She once fell, her feelings steered her along the path, the wrong path. She took a pledge to herself: she would never ever allow anyone to hurt her ever again. She was not willing to fall in love, not until she met his real self. But now, history is just repeating itself; you could hear her heart get smashed into uncountable pieces. Her hand bolted to her chest, clutching at her shirt, as if it would stop her heart from breaking or help ease up the pain. "This can't be happening. There's no way this is real. No, no I won't believe it. No, no" she shook her head as she repeatedly said No, refusing to get hurt again, refusing to be let down by the only person who knows all her weaknesses, refusing to be let go by the one she was willing to risk her life for. Tears were now flooding uncontrollably. "But why?" she pleaded for an explanation, she was desperate to know why he's crushing her heart, that that he owned, with his bare hands.
"WHY? Why? You ask," he was about to lose his temper "Look at me for Christ's sake, LOOK AT ME!" he growled, "I can't fucking feel my legs or anything below my waist for that matter. They fucking tubed me because I don't have the ability to go to the bathroom. I'll be seated my whole miserable life. Jogging, basketball, even walking are mere memories, distant impossible dreams. If I want to change my sleeping or sitting posture I gotta use my arms insufficiently. I can't move my legs, not one single inch, I will never be able to walk again, ever." His anger has subsided, and his voice was fading overwhelmed by sadness and shadowed by tears. "I don't want to live like that" he sobbed, "I can't live like that."
"Don't you say that." She grabbed his head with her palms and forced him to look at her, although her own vision was blurry, "You promised you'll love me forever and you promised to keep that promise."
"And I will, I will love you for as long as I live, but-
"But nothing. We're in this together, you're not alone. I'll take care of you, you won't even notice-
"No, No, I won't allow this to happen." he interrupted her, reaching for her hands and removing them away from his face only to be held by his own, he so gently kissed them then looked her in the eyes, "I can't do this to you, I can't be a burden. You've fixed me once, you've showed me how it feels to be loved, to love. You've changed me into something I never thought I could be. You've spent so much healing me I can't keep holding you back. You need to live your life, find your true happiness."
"But you are my true happiness. come on! please, you can't be serious! You know you're not an obstacle, never were and never will be. You are a part of me, that's what you are. You are the other half of me, the one I can't live without. I have fallen for you although I promised I would never take that risk again, but I did, and I fell hard. I love you and you love me, and these" she held both of their rings at the level of their eyes, "'these are how we seal the deal, the deal of loving each other forever', those were your words when you proposed, you can't take them back not now, not ever."
"But, for instance, I can't walk with you down the aisle."
"Then I'll walk and you'd be waiting for me, the old traditional way."
"What about our future? Don't you want to have kids? You know I'm no longer able to -
"We can always adopt."
His thoughts wandered off to the future; he didn't want to be pessimistic, neither did he want to be a burden, I mean how could he teach his kids how to walk if he himself wasn't capable of it. How could he teach his kids how to ride the bicycle if he couldn't run along with them and catch them if they fall? How could he enjoy their weekends hiking or swimming if his own feet stood as a barrier? How could he walk with his daughter down the aisle before handing her to another man? He couldn't imagine himself doing anything neither in the near nor in the distant future.
Her touch on his cheek felt like a feather; light and soft, "I told you once and I'll keep telling you a zillion times if necessary You are Not alone. I'll walk with you each step of the mile, I'll be your right hand man. Stop worrying about the future and start living in the now" She smiled her contagious smile, he couldn't even resist smiling back. All those thoughts where he's alone raising his kids were now swapped by both of them bringing up their children.
"I love you." He said, before pulling her into his arms and kissed her longingly and passionately.
They knew what was awaiting ahead of them, both of them knew it was not going to be easy for either of them, but they wouldn't let anything stand in their way, as long as they are together, supporting each other through thick and thin, cherishing each other, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do them apart, they will both do.
