All I Want

24

I held the bouquet with pink peonies in my hand. I was physically ready for the ceremony, but my heart wasn't. I was praying to a God up there, Harold would just storm into the room and ask me to elope. I would say yes in a heartbeat, but then again, my father's situation is at stake. My hands were sweaty and my knees were too. I gave my reflection one last glance, and suddenly, my mom entered the room. 

"Darling, you look beautiful." I eyed from the mirror and in that same position I offered her a smile. She looked happy, as if she was about to give me away to the most wonderful man on Earth. She didn't know he slapped me, but it wouldn't even make a difference. I was positive that opening my mouth to talk about the scene was going to be a waste of time. They cared so little about me, my dad was everything they worried about and of course, they had to make sure I didn't back down. It'd be tragic for the family. Don't get me wrong, I wish nothing but good things to my dad, but I was so afraid of the unhappiness waiting for me in just about a few minutes. I was nervous, I really was, but no one noticed. No one cared to notice. 

"Thanks mom." 

"Conor looks nervous," She bit her lip, excited. "He keeps talking about you, good things of course." She let a slight chuckle out of her lips. My heart was pounding. I could picture him talking about me, but I also could picture the hypocrisy behind it all. I frowned my eyebrows at her, as she stood there smiling like a proud mother would. I gave my dress one last glance and turned around to face her. 

"I'm ready, let's get it over with." I gulped and stared at my mother. She didn't have a smile on her face this time.

"Why are you having this attitude on your wedding day?" She asked. I scoffed. It baffled me since the answer was obvious.

"Mom, it's really wrong of you to ask that. You know I don't love him. The only reason I'm doing this is because of you and dad, mostly dad. Nothing else, now please, let's go and get this thing done before I really changed my mind." I shook my head and took  deep breath. I walked over to the door, waiting for her.

"Let's not keep the guests waiting," She nodded and opened the door. "I'll let everyone know you're ready." I nodded and watched her as she walked through the aisle. I could peek through the tiny glass from the door. All the guests were here, that made me both happy and sad. My mother was walking toward me again, I stepped aside and waited for her to arrive. 

"Are we ready?" I asked her. She nodded. I took a deep breath. The wedding march started, the soothing sound of the violins calmed me a bit. I took the first step, clutched my arm onto my dad's and once I did, everyone's eyes were on me. We started walking, politely smiling at everyone, but I didn't want to glance at Conor. I knew the moment I reached the end of the aisle, I had to. I was mentally preparing myself for the ceremony and the reception. I hated everything, even myself. 

"Thank you darling." My dad whispered. I slightly nodded. It was the first time I heard those two words, not in my entire life time, but ever since this whole Conor situation happened, it was definitely the first time. I didn't feel good. I felt disgusted and just overwhelmed. We reached the end, my dad kissed my cheek and I smiled at him. I stood right next to Conor, we held hands. He smiled at me.

"Hi." He whispered. He had this smile that could mean so many things... wrong things, not happy things. I knew exactly how to distinguish his smiles, because they were all so different. I glanced to my right and saw something I've wanted to see since the saddest day I've lived. Harold. He was standing right where I was standing a few minutes ago, messy tie and black suit. I froze in the moment, but he was there.