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The past.

This has been a way to tell a story from a point of view that isn't easy to express. I've been writing this and hurting as I write it but this is a true story. I know I'm living this story right now. I hope that one day me and my spouse can read it together and look back and remember that was the time we built our marriage and made it whole.

I picked the past because it's important and I need to be honest. This part isn't any advice or suggestions this is cold hard facts and shit I would like to leave in the past. I hope that once I have written it and my spouse has read it that we will both leave it in the past.

I have lied, cheated and hurt you.

I alone made the stupid choices and I alone have to take the responsibility for them so I am because if I don't own up fully to them we as a couple won't be able to move past them.  

This will hurt us both, you because you will relive the pain I caused and me for the fact that I did them. I don't want a fight about then and I ask that if you keep reading them we have a deal to let all of it go and let this not effect us any longer.

I cheated and you know this

I have lied to make you hurt

I have looked at other people and talked to them and you know what I am talking about it was a long time ago. When confronted I hit you.

I have abused you physically and verbally. I have stopped the physical part and am now working on the verbal this is part of it for me. I'm writing this so it's all out and done with.

I made you do things sexually that you were not interested in.

I have not helped around the house.

I have even made you feel like you were not important.

It came to you taking a long trip for me to realize I need to change and it is hard.  I embrace the change because it's dark without you. This isn't a change in making so three months from now we're back to here it's a life long change. I know we have had a lot of pain and I know we are strong. I gave a promise and it stopped. So now I give another and it's as good as the last. I ask you give me the opportunity to prove myself. I ask that we let the past be the past and that it stays in the past. We don't use it to hurt each other any longer.