Poems 2012(:

Too Close

Starring at ceiling, feeling like a failure.

Holding on to nothing as my world is filled with terror.

Hoping you'd be back and everything would just come together.

But the distance is growing greater and greater.

I walk out to the roof and I start to sway.

Suicide on my mind like it has been all day.

No hope; no light; no air to breathe.

I'm down on the ground; I've fallen to my knees.

Tears streak my cheeks and wind blows strong.

This pain has been going on for so long.

These city walls don't have any love for me.

I'm on the ledge of the 18th story.

Prison gates won't open up for me, on these hands and knees I’m crawling.

All I need is you; I'm calling.

Heavens gates won't open up for me, with these broken wings I drop to the ground.

Pain and misery all around.

If only you could see.

Say it to me if it's worth saving me.

Terrified of these four walls;

Alone in these terrifying halls.

All I need from you is to hold me now, hold me close.

Before I fall of this ledge and just let go.

All I scream for you; hurry I'm calling.

Hearing only silence; hurry I'm falling.

Walking up the broken stairs, up to the top of this building.

Opening the door, the wind and rain so chilling.

I'm looking down, now that I'm up here, reflecting on all my mistakes.

Thinking nothing of myself as my body starts to shake.

Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, maybe six feet, ain't so far away.

I walk to the edge as my body starts to sway.

The soaking wet ground underneath of me;

My toes on the edge of the 18th story.

I yell when I hear thunder crash above.

Filled with pain; needing your love.

Leaning forward, losing my will to live, I start to slip.

I close my eyes; prepare to die, as my body starts to tip.

You pull me back to you, back in the safety of your body and hold me tightly.

I sob and hold on to you, my body shaking badly.

'Baby I'm sorry' I cry to you.

You say 'I'm sorry too.'

'I know how your feeling,' you say and you rock me.

I don't answer I just cry and sob, too scared to see.

'Just give it one more try to a lullaby, and turn this up on the radio. If you can hear me now, I'm reaching out to let you know that you’re not alone.' He sings to me and kisses my head.

He picks me up and carries me to our bed.

Shaking and crying I lay my head on the bed, still suicidal and terrified.

Brain running circles, locking me out; I subside.

I cry myself to sleep.

You come in to make sure I'm okay and you find me in a heap.

You sit on the edge of the bed

And you softly kiss my head.

You lightly shake my arm.

I jump up in alarm.

'Hey, hey, hey baby, it’s okay, I was just checking on you,' you say.

You lay me back down and cover me up. 'Go back to sleep,' you say and start to leave. 'Stay.'

You turn around and look at me 'you sure?' you ask sitting back on the bed.

'Yes,' I say and hold my head.

'Headache?'

'Everything aches.'

'Are you okay, do I need to take you to the hospital?' you ask as you start to stand.

'No,' I say and you hold my hand.

You lie down and lean against the wall and lay my head in your lap and play with my hair.

I close my eyes; fall back asleep and thank god you were there.

-2/8/12---5/1/12-