I WAITED FOR HER TO tell me this was all some kind of sick, twisted joke, and that Sydney was in fact fine and not about to become some super weapon for this pathetic country. What I did not expect was for Bria to reach inside of her bra and pull out a bottle of pills, practically throwing them at me. I caught the orange bottle with both hands and studied it closely. There was not a label but the bottle was transparent. Inside were two white pills. Why did they need a bottle so big when they were so small?
"What are these for, exactly?"
She took this as an opportunity to sit down in the other chair that was meant for Amira and she looked down at the orange bottle in my hand. There was a small smile on her face and when she met my gaze, I swear there was a bit of hope in her eyes.
"I believe these are what you've been looking for since you returned to us," she whispered. "Have you had doubts about this place since you've opened your eyes? Have you told yourself something about this place wasn't right? No matter what Dr. Stanley told you?" I shifted uncomfortably in my seat because she was exactly right. My reaction was my response and she nodded her head. "Before the project began for you and Gwen, we made a deal. Once you returned, I would give you the pills and we would find a way to get you out of this wretched place."
A mirthless laugh escaped me, "And you expect me to believe that? After everything I've been through, how do you expect me to believe what just came out of your mouth? It's all madness!"
"Keep your voice down," she snapped. "Because out of all the women who volunteered to watch your daughter, I fought for her. I made it my mission to take care of your young one while you were gone. She became my responsibility and I have not failed you. Look at her. Does she look like I failed her?"
I saw her standing back by the door, running her fingers along the fabric of her dress and smiling to herself. Her hair was now tucked behind her tiny ears and her cheeks were a rosy shade of red. She looked just fine to me...perfect. I forced myself to look away from my daughter and get back to the conversation.
"What are the pills for, Bria?"
"They're supposed to help you with your memory loss," she explained. "I told you all of this before but for obvious reasons, I'll tell you again. When you and your wife first came here for the experiment, multiple tests had to be run to make sure the two of you were in perfect health. I watched from the sidelines, wondering if the two of you were really going to go through will all this. Everyone else before you died and that made me wonder why you two were so eager to volunteer yourselves. And then your wife told me."
"Told you what?" I leaned forward. "What did she tell you?"
"You weren't doing this for yourselves or to help see if the operation actually worked. You were doing this because that meant Amira would have a safe home. She told me it was hard to take care of her...hard to take care of even yourselves. Even if the two of you died during the experiment, Amira would have stayed here with me under strong protection from the outside world. That was why you volunteered yourselves."
"And these pills?"
"You and your wife are good people, Lucas. Now that Dr. Stanley knows the experiment is a success, he's going to keep going at it. Gwen is the victim of the next part. Lucas, you could be next. Neither one of you deserves this. Sure, you volunteered, but you never truly knew what you were getting yourselves into until it was too late. I'm willing to help get you out of here."
I frowned, "You mean Amira and I."
"Lucas—"
"So, we're not even going to try to help Sydney? We're just going to leave her behind?"
"Give me a few days, okay? I just need a few days."
"A few days for what? I'm not leaving her behind! Do you honestly expect me to leave my wife, Amira's mother, behind? You put two pills in this bottle. One of them must be for her. You planned on giving her one, too."
"I didn't think Dr. Stanley would move this fast with the second part."
"Well, slow him down so you can give her the pill!"
"Keep your voice down," she said through gritted teeth. "I'm trying to help you, Lucas. No one else in this place will help you the way that I'm about to help your family. You're just going to have to trust me, all right? Keep the pills close at all times and make sure no one finds them. The sooner you take yours, the better." She stood up from the chair and smoothed out her skirt. "I'll keep in touch. For now, act as if I never came to visit you."
I watched as she made her way towards the door, stopping to kiss Amira on top of the head, and leaving us behind until further notice. Once the door slammed shut, I pushed down on the top of the pill bottle and twisted it until it opened. Turning the bottle upside down, I emptied the contents in my hand and examined the pills more closely. In the bottle, they looked white. Now, in my hand, they were more of a yellow color. I put one back in the bottle and sat the other on the wooden table, looking at it with pure desperation.
How did I know this would even work? I had to try. I had to fight. This was my last chance to keep from losing everything. I put the pill in my mouth and swallowed it dry, coughing once when it got stuck, but then getting it down. I knew what I had to remember. It was not romantic or something cherished. But I hoped it would lead to some answers when I got out.
For now, I imagined the things I once thought were true. I thought about how I believed my feelings were true and everything felt so real. Looking across the room at Amira, I wondered if everything that was forced into my mind will eventually be erased. Would they be replaced with the memories that were actually true? I was eager to find out, but also frightened.
Only a few minutes passed before I was ravaged by pain. I cried out, feeling like a hammer was repeatedly hitting me in the back of the head. I leaned to the side and vomited over the side of the table, my stomach twisting and my throat burning. I pressed my hands to my head as if it could stop the throbbing there.
The room was beginning to spin and I laid my head down against the table, squeezing my eyes shut. I tried to control my breathing. It felt like a lifetime of agony but it was probably less than five minutes when I was able to open my eyes again. My stomach was twisted and I knew I was going to somehow clean up the vomit before someone else walked in.
Slowly, I stood up from my chair and pulled my shirt over my head, careful to step around the mess and then wipe it up with my shirt, tossing the dirty cloth in the corner of the room to be hidden from view. My breath came out in jagged breaths, like I would get sick again at any moment.
"Daddy?"
I looked up to see Amira still standing in the same spot with her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes wide and watery with fear. I wanted to tell her everything was going to be fine and that this was for a good cause. Almost immediately, I felt my body going numb and I was forced to lay down on the floor.
A heavy feeling deadened my limbs and made my tongue feel like paste. A light tingling feeling made its way through my body and it slowly turned into an itch. The itch quickly transitioned into a burn and it felt as if my veins were on fire. It increased more and more and I was unable to handle the pain. I gritted my teeth together to keep myself from screaming out.
