(trigger warning + mature content. please read author's notes!)
As you stepped out of the complex, it seemed like nature was cruelly reflecting the tangled yarn of emotions whirling about in your head. The clear cerulean skies you were so used to seeing grew thick and dull with plump overcast clouds that smothered out all signs of summer. Heavy drops of rain became victorious over the weather, concealing the weak rays of the sun behind a shroud of grey that only grew denser as time passed. This was not the bright and beautiful season everyone had hoped for, and yet, you felt an almost cathartic sense of comfort as you breathed in the fresh morning air.
It had only been one day since Jungkook reaffirmed his feelings in the infirmary and you couldn't help but wonder why his confession failed to draw an automatic response of acceptance from your brain. If this had been weeks before your strange stint with Taehyung, you were certain you'd be flushed in scarlet, giddy with pride and happiness because you, of all people, managed to charm an absolute angel like Jungkook. Then again, the you of the past would've still been too deeply infatuated with Taehyung to realize the extent of Jungkook's kindness.
You let out a trapped sigh as you dragged your scuffed sneakers across the wet asphalt, somehow managing to avoid shallow puddles as you remained lost in your introspective reverie. Every moment you spent with Jungkook made you feel better. The boy had a natural ability to yank you out of the grasp of self-hatred. No matter how much you despised your own weaknesses when it came to Taehyung, the younger male never left your side and pampered you as if you were a clueless child incapable of doing wrong.
Maybe that was why you couldn't accept his confession. Even if he had an inkling of the misdeeds that occurred between you and Taehyung, you were sure that doubt skewered his beliefs. Somewhere within him, you felt like Jungkook must've distorted Taehyung's suggestive words into verbal fodder spoken only to get a rise out of him. Except they weren't lies. They were all true. It would've been deceitful if you just accepted him and played the victim when the fault laid with both you and Taehyung, no matter how much you wanted to believe otherwise.
You didn't know how it would help, but you needed closure. You had to end whatever you had with Taehyung in order to start anew - whether it be alone or with Jungkook. Besides, during your pretend-slumber in the infirmary, Taehyung had mentioned wanting to speak with you in private. Might as well kill two birds with one stone, right?
Hours passed quickly and you could barely keep your focus in class as you mentally wrote up a script of what you wanted to tell the perplexing male. You had essentially prepared a speech consisting of cliches that messily included phrases about 'leaving you alone', and also 'still being friends'. Granted 90% of what you wanted to say consisted of the former over the latter.
Next, you had to find somewhere to speak with him. Somewhere private, yet open. You weren't stupid. Nothing good ever came out of being alone with Taehyung, but you didn't want nosy peers eavesdropping on your conversation either. You breathed out your hundredth sigh of the day, earning a look of concern from your seatmate, Jungkook, who had adopted the role of a gentleman as he gave you all the time and space you needed to come up with a response to his confession.
A dissonant chime of bells resounded across the building, snapping you out of your internal deliberation before spreading anxiety throughout your chest when you realized it was finally time for your mental planning to be put into action.
With quickened footfalls, you practically threw all your books and belongings into your locker before ascending flights of stairs to reach Taehyung's classroom. That place would have to do. Surely there would still be students loitering in the room, and of course, the teacher would be there as well. There was no way Taehyung could try anything. If he would, in the first place. Honestly, he had become the icon of ambiguity and mixed signals when it came to your relationship.
Gingerly peeking through the door, you felt a tinge of stress plucking at your nerves when you noticed the tall male still at his seat, conversing with a shorter boy beside him - Jimbo something or other. It was one of his friends, that was all you bothered to know.
Like yesterday, Taehyung still looked absolutely wrecked with his light brown hair tousled in lawless ringlets and his uniform creased and pressed in odd, angular folds. The cut on his lip had faded but the scratch marked his satin complexion with a pink bruise he didn't bother to cover up. Somehow though, he still managed to steal attention with his enigmatic charisma and somber gaze that couldn't be subdued no matter how disheveled he appeared.
Aside from the pair of boys, an adult woman was at her desk surrounded by two girls with papers and pencils in their hands. It wasn't as busy as you wished, but it would have to do.
"Taehyung, I'm sorry for bothering you, but can we talk?" You asked from the door, drawing the attention of the two boys. His deep brown eyes rose to meet yours before falling to the bandaid still plastered to your cheek. Though you were meters apart, the remorse that flooded his features hit you with so much clarity that you actually felt pity even though he was the one that inflicted the injury.
"Yeah, we need to talk." He agreed, completely deadpan, before shooing his friend away to allow you a sliver of privacy. Listening to him speaking in such a no-nonsense manner made you feel like you were entering the principle's office, about to be eaten alive for your misbehaviour. His voice, typically brimming with charisma and mischief, seemed devoid of energy as he spoke to you. Then again, neither one of you two looked particularly lively for the past few days.
Spinning the chair in front of his desk to face him, you sat across from him and rested your arms on your lap, recounting all the notes that you wanted to say before your nerves swept them away.
"Why have you been so hostile?" You began, already teeming with exasperation despite it only having been mere seconds since your meeting. "Didn't you want this to happen? You wanted me to give up on you and that's exactly what I did, so why are you being like this?" The words spilled from your lips before you even had the chance to punctuate your response. There was so much you wanted to say, and even more you wanted to know, but if you released all your grievances, you would've been sitting there for hours.
The male avoided your gaze and instead anchored his eyes on the desk as he tried to come up with a cohesive answer. Finally brown eyes flickered onto you and he tipped his head forward in a solemn nod, as if acknowledging your observations.
"You're right. I wanted to end all of this and I knew that third challenge would push you away for good." He replied and released a broken sigh that had been caught in his throat. "I thought everything could go back to normal, I thought my life would be simpler. But everytime I see you with Jungkook, it's like..." Taehyung's voice tapered to silence and he combed long fingers through messy brunette hair in frustration.
"Don't you dare say you're jealous." It came out colder than you had wished, but you couldn't help your annoyance. He didn't get the privilege of saying such a thing after he treated you so awfully.
"No! God, I don't know." His shoulders slouched down and he buried his face in his hands as he tried to organize his thoughts. When he lifted his head away from his clenched fingers, the earlier expression of guilt was replaced with a piercing stare. With an unforeseen surge of courage and audacity igniting his previously downtrodden spirit, it looked like you were speaking to a new person.
"For three years you pined after me, and suddenly now you're all over Jungkook? I never took you for a tramp."
There it was. The hostility you had been talking about. This was a waste of your time. You wouldn't get anywhere with him, not with his overwhelming pride that stifled any chance of you getting a genuine response from him. It also didn't help that his words hit you right in the center of your conscience, dragging up the worries you wanted to alleviate through this conversation.
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