Thenight faded and passed quickly leaving me exhausted as I found notranquil second of sleep to put the incident of the other day behindme. I simple tossed and turned having a starring match with myceiling fan.
Glaringat the ceiling listening to my alarm go off, I wondered to myself iftoday was even worth getting out of bed and dragging myself to thatsoul sucking abyss that I called my job. I was in no state of mind todeal with any ridiculous camaraderie's of the questionably IQ-lesspopulation because I know I would lose my temper resulting in melosing my job as well.
Likean angel had been listening my cell phone rang, it was my job.Picking up my cell the voice of my manager Anna spoke telling me thatthey over scheduled some people so I could take the day off.
Hangingup I felt thankful for the sporadic timing but I wasn't going to looka gift horse in the mouth as I pulled the covers over my head hopingI could get just a little sleep, sadly no such luck as my stomachgrowled craving food and coffee.
Draggingmy body out of bed I felt like I couldn't support my own weight andfeeling light headed as I almost face planted onto the floor. My ownbody was against doing anything other than vegetating in bed justbrooding and become non-extant to the world; my presence going nofurther than beyond the four confines walls of my bedroom wrapped inthe warmth and security of my bedding but I needed caffeine beforeultimately giving myself a migraine.
Walkinginto the kitchen turning on the coffee pot, realizing that the housewas empty leaving me home alone with the exception of Roman sprawledout on the sofa, his paws spread out as he stretched.
Ibrought the warm mug to my lips as the stream moved freely andcarelessly in the air while the comfort of the hot liquid wrappedaround my tongue dancing with the taste buds waking up my body.
Comfort.
Againthat word popped into my thoughts.
Thesingle word alone made me want to laugh as it's meaning was a stateof physical easing or alleviation of one's feelings of distressleaving only pleasantness in their life; even if momentary. Comfortis really such an interesting word since it can make you stop andthink and the many connotations to each individual by theencompassing term since it's a relatively vague concept where'comfort' can be sought in more then one particular item or person.
Ilaugh to myself feeling a sudden sharp pain of heart ache in my chestof reality that I had lost what little comfort I had with a person;with Alison.
Alisonwas always the first person that I went to most times to seek comfortwhere I knew even if I didn't want to voice my worries or issue's Istill felt safe, she was my sanctuary, my confidante, my refuge.Everything about Alison was comfortable to me; her eyes, her touch,her smile even the way she would speak to me.
Everythingbut that's all gone now.
Iknew that nothing could alleviate the emotional aches and pains thisbreak up was going to cause me in the next coming days while I stillregretted my actions from yesterday and should have tried to talk allof this out with Alison; to let her state her reason and try to workit out and put it behind as we could try to continue to be happy butwould we be?
Idon't know how long I'll be here in Florida so whose to say Alisonwon't feel "lonely" and cheat on me again?
Nothing.
Thisrelationship would be nothing but toxic if we keep going around likea carousel even though part me still loved Alison for the time beingI wasn't that much of a fool in love to be played twice.
Istared looking out the kitchen window, my eyes wondering around theback yard still pondering my thoughts and the notion of loss oflosing Alison; someone I use to sought so much comfort in andknowing I can no longer turn to was now cause for so much pain andvice verse.
Ican only imagine how devastated Alison is going to be when she getsall of her gifts back causing the undeniable if not tearful phonecall that would follow suit.
Takinga deep breath I mentally prepared myself for the coming days and whatcould possibly happen from now til then. Hopefully nothing andeverything will be peaceful resulting in a non-chaotic situationsecretly hoping that Alison wouldn't try and reach out to me and just let our lives continue to grow without existing withing eachothers.
Basicallyno muss no fuss.
Itried to see the positive side in an potential easy break up butdoubt curved it's ugly head in my thoughts that if Alison did chosethe easy path and just let this relationship fall apart and not tryto fight for did it mean she truly never cared about thisrelationship in the first place?
Or me?
WasI just some pawn keeping Alison momentarily entertained til I becomeno use? Was she just bored before thinking that her flirtatious waysthat brought goosebumps to my skin and pins and needles in my stomachwere nothing but sport?
Howmany times where the kisses and intimate moments we shared actuallygenuine and spontaneous.
Memoriesof loving moments between Alison and I swam threw my mind; the stolenkisses during our study sessions. Our fingers intertwined when wewould walk home and how our hands fit perfectly together as if theywhere sculptured for the others.
Ilooked down at my hand as I felt it tingle.
Picturesof memories played like a movie in my imagination as I relived themoments of all the playful and teasing touches under tables while wewere out with friends, our faces plastered with guilty smiles andlustful eyes.
Wasit all a facade?
Myheart shattered more in my chest as I could feel my eyes beginning totear up at the thought of all the little moments were I fell more andmore deeply in love with Alison could be fake.
Takinga deep breath I composed myself, shaking off these thoughts andfeelings of negativity. I was not going to allow this to ruin my day.
Asilent vibration roared against the counter top; who was calling methis early?
Skepticallylooking at the caller ID I saw that it was Kryie.
"Hel-Hello."I choked trying to clear my voice from cracking.
"Heydid I wake you? I wanted to catch you before you went into work."Kryie spoke from the other end.
"NoI was up. Manager called me out so I have the day off."
"Wellthat's good. I wanted to see how you were after yesterday. Witheverything that happened." Kryie paused before she continuedprobably feeling cautious..
"YeahI'm fine." I lied, honestly it was tearing me apart and I justwanted to break down screaming and crying til I could no longerbreath but I wasn't going to waste anymore tears.
"Okay;So what's going to happen now?" Kryie asked.
"It'sover."
"That'sit?"
Icould hear the skepticism and disbelieving tone in my friends voiceand could only fathom her expression along with what she could bethinking of me giving up so easily. A lump formed in my throatknowing that this was out of character for me to cave in so quicklybut I wasn't going to let myself conscientiously be heart broken if Iknew I could put a stop to it.
"Thisdoesn't seem like you at all. Giving up so quickly Charlie." Kryiespoke noting my silence after awhile.
"Iknow I just- I just don't know." I exhaled at a loss for wordsrubbing my forehead with my thumb and pointer finger.
"Charlotte,you love Alison don't you?"
Ihesitated before answering, "Yes."
"Thenwhy are you giving up? She loves you." Kryie interrogated.
"Kryie.If that was true Alison wouldn't have lied and cheated on me behindmy back. I know you're her best friend and want what's best for herto be happy but what she did was wrong." I argued staying calm eventhough I felt tears burning in the back of my eyes.
"You'reright it was completely uncalled for but have you talked to her?"
"Notsince yesterday but even then I didn't want to hear it. I just leftmy phone behind and ignored her."
"Whatdid you do?" Kryie asked.
"Isent everything back to her." I sighed before answering thequestion.
"Whatdo you mean?" A curious tone over took Kyrie's voice soundingconfused.
"Everythingshe gave me dude; whatever I didn't toss in the trash I put in themailbox and sent back to Ali." I felt a crushing contracting painin my chest as her name slipped passed my lips.
"Whatdid you send back" Kryie spoke sounding hesitant to ask.
"Hersenior portrait picture , a love letter she wrote, a heart shapedshell we found on the beach; we craved our initials into it. Last wasthe necklace she just gave me for Christmas along with a letterasking for the ring back." I replied my voice cracking a bit.
"Whatring? The diamond claddagh promise ring?" Again a shocked tone ofdisbelieving was present in my friends words.
"That'sthe one." I sunk my head low knowing that asking for the ring backwas a douche-bag thing since I was probably going to throw it intothe fire pit or lake.
"Charlotte!You can't do that! Alison will be devastated if not crushed. I meanthe girl had a panic attack when she misplaced it in her jewelrybox; She never takes it off. Taking that ring from her would be likeripping her heart out Charlotte. You are the only good thing in herlife and having that ring is the only proof she'll ever have thatwhat you two had was real. It'll break her heart." Kryie ranted;although I wasn't all that surprised that she would say those things.
"Wellthen she shouldn't have broken mine." I replied coldly.
Amoment of silence grew thick as neither one of us spoke.
"Charlotte;I'm not disagreeing with what you think is right but pleasedon't jump to any rash choice's before hearing Alison's side. I dowant what is best for both of you. You're my friend too Charlotte;neither one of you deserves to have your heart broken please don't doanything out of spite because you're angry." Kryie spoke in a morecalmer tone.
"Iknow."
"Areyou going to be okay?" Kryie asked concerned for my well being.
"Yeah.I'm just going to take it easy today. Binge on TV or fanfic online."I spoke not really having a plan for this unexpected free time.
"Youdo that. Call me later alright. Bye." With that I hung up endingthe conversation my sight once again panning outside the window withan aching pain in my chest.
God;being in love was such a bitch.
