Have Faith

Chapter 13

"If you love somebody enough
You follow them wherever they go
That's how I got to Memphis." Tom T. Hall

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Chapter Thirteen

Faith did not have to say the words, but Cassian knew her answer just by looking into her regretful eyes. She did not want to marry him. The proposal had come as a complete shock to her. She had no romantic feelings towards Cassian at all.

Cassian felt utterly humiliated.

Worst of all, he felt completely heartbroken.

It had taken Faith walking back into his life for Cassian to realise that he never wanted her to walk out of it again. How many times does one encounter an angel?

It had not taken Cassian long to hold Faith far above anyone else in his acquaintance. Perhaps he had been slightly infatuated, hypnotised by her beauty, but it had never occurred to him to think that Faith might not share his regard.

Cassian knew that was arrogant, but surely there had to be some romantic feelings inside of her? All those afternoons spent with Lucy, he and Faith had shared such blissful exchanges. It was almost like they were a little family.

But clearly he had imagined it. Cassian had just offered Faith the opportunity to step back into the world she had previously known, with a husband that would vow to look after her and her daughter for ever, not just until his death as her previous husband had. Cassian would love her, and he would love Lucy as though she was his own. Anything her heart desired would be hers in an instant.

But Faith had refused. Her good heart would not allow her to say the words, but Faith had no desire to become Cassian's wife.

But then why would she want to? Cassian knew that Faith did not value money or things. She had shown him this from the very beginning of their renewed acquaintance. Faith valued humility, kindness, and selflessness. Cassian knew that he was not good enough for Faith. He liked to think himself a kind man, but he could be as selfish, materialistic, and vain as the next man with money to burn.

Cassian felt such a surreal pain, concentrated right in the middle of his chest. It was as though a giant hole had formed where his heart had once been. This hole was filled with agonising emotions such as despondency, hopelessness, and misery.

With just the look of rejection in her eyes, Faith had all but ripped his heart out with her own tiny hand.

This pain was more real than any other pain Cassian had ever experienced. He had experienced starvation, the utter feeling of his stomach caving in on itself, but it did not hold a candle to the burning agony he felt in his chest.

If this pain told him anything, it was just how deeply his angel had infiltrated his heart and soul. This was love, it had to be, and if he was honest, he would rather feel this pain and be reminded of Faith, then to not feel anything at all.

Love.

Cassian had never known it. Not in the real romantic sense. He had been loved by his mother, and he had loved her in return, but he had never known true, passionate, fervent, longing, defenceless love.

The isolation in which Cassian had grown up had all but sealed his fate. He had been destined to die as a young man who had barely lived. He would never know friendship, or family, or love. Perhaps the way he had grown up, despite his wealth now, would always hold him back from securing those things for himself.

What a joke. He now had all the money in the world to buy things, but what he truly needed was just beyond his reach.

She would be gone. Cassian knew that to be true. Now that he had made an utter fool of himself, Faith would pack her things and take Lucy, never to be seen again. He hated himself for speaking so zealously. He had driven away the only person who had ever shown him genuine friendship.