UNSPOKEN

13

When I got home that  night I sat in my bed staring at Jackson on the sofa in the creepiest way ever. I thought about our relationship. It had always been too passionate; too much fire, too much desire, too much sex, too much fun, too much sadness, too much pain. He was back and now we were in some kind of limbo. We wanted each other so much but.... We couldn't be together. We could if he just went ahead and dumped Sally. Sally what an awful name but it wasn't her fault. Jackson was the one that left her without telling her what was going on, I supposed, and Jackson was the one here making me feel all hot inside and making me want to jump his bones every other second. I shook my head and went to change into my night shirt. I took my makeup off, undid my hair and tied it in two braids like every other night.

"How was it?" I jumped at the sound of Jackson's voice.

"Horrible," I said walking towards the bed and jumping on it.

"I ate all the muffins in the fridge" he said. I couldn't see him clearly but he was somewhere in the sofa.

"Productive night, then," I said.

"Yes," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Good night, Jackson."

"Good night, Mar."

I could have Jackson in my life as friends. I could do it.

Monday morning I heard Alexa's voice, "Marion," she said, "Vanilla-Lemon is looking for you." Alexa had a thing for giving nicknames to our regular male clients depending on their looks. This particular client was blonde (hence Vanilla) and had green eyes (hence lemon). According to Alexa his eyes were beautiful.

"What?" I asked confused, "Why me?"

"I have no idea but he specifically asked for you," I shrugged and went out only to find Leonard standing at the counter with a big smile on his face. Oh! Vanilla-Lemon

"Leonard," I said smiling while cleaning my hands on the baking apron.

"I told you I would let you know I was here," he said and I nodded.

"Have you ordered yet?" I asked.

"Yes, I was wondering if you would like to sit down with me while I drink my coffee?" he said showing me the cup in his hand.

"Sure," I said and I heard Alexa clear her throat and trying to tell me something with her eyes. I looked at her like she was crazy but I finally understood that she wanted me to pay attention to something in my hair. I put my hand in my head and realized that I was still wearing the hair net. I blushed profusely and took it off and re-did my hair in a decent bun. Alexa nodded and smiled. "Want something to drink, Marion?" she asked.

"Why,Alexa, I would like a cappuccino," I said and Alexa laughed outloud.

"So, you really are a regular," I said finally sitting down across from him.

"I am," he nodded as he drank his coffee. "This doesn't qualify as going out for drinks," he said quickly.

"I would hope so," I smiled, "that would be lame." I scrunched up my nose.

"So lame," he smiled.

"Cappuccino," said Alexa placing it in front of me, "and a bullet proof vest to protect you from looks that kill," she whispered before leaving. I looked up and saw Jackson in his usual corner with his usual coffee on his laptotp looking in my direction with murder in his eyes. I decided I wasn't going to pay attention to his murderous looks. Leonard was available, and Jackson wasn't because he didn't want to be.

"I've been coming here since you opened," said Leonard and my attention went back to him, "I can't believe I never got to meet you before."

"I usually don't come out front before lunch, unless Alexa doesn't come in," he nodded.

"Well, I'm honored to meet the creator of those espresso muffins I love so much."

"Thank you," I said blushing, of course, and shaking my head.

"I got to go now but I'll see you around, ok?" he said standing up and I did the same.

"Come in the kitchen to say hi whenever you stop by," I said and he nodded.

"I wil," he smiled and before he left he waved at me and I did too.

"Ok..." I heard Alexa say, "How on earth do you know Vanilla-Lemon?" she asked, giving me back the hair net.

"I met him last night at the formal. He is the son of a friend of my parents," I shrugged. "He is really nice, though," I said putting the net back and going to the kitchen glad that Alexa couldn't follow me because we had a lot of people coming in.

"Who was he?" I heard Jackson voice as I took out some pastry dough to make an apple strudel for lunch hour.

"A guy I met last night," I said rolling the dough.

"Didn't you say it was a horrible night?" I wasn't looking at him but I knew he was frowning. He did a lot of that lately.

"It was, overall. But meeting him was nice," I nodded still rolling.

"You can't go out with him, Mar," he said taking me by the arm forcing me to look at him.

"Why not, Jackson?" I asked and I felt my eyes water.

"I mean you can if you want," he said letting go of my arm. "I just wished you wouldn't," he said leaning on the counter I was working on.

"...and what? Wait for you to open up? To decide what you want to do with this?" I said pointing at both of us. "I can't do this, Jackson. It's too painful." I shook my head and went back to roll the dough, tears rolling down my cheeks by now.

"I just need some time to make everything ok," he said with his head down. "I can't just go and break it off with Sally. That'd be cruel," he said.

"So, you rather be cruel to me?" I shook my head " I can be your friend, Jackson. We can be best friends if you want but don't ask me to put my life on hold only because you are afraid of looking like an asshole."

"It's not that," he said.

"Then what is it, Jackson?" I said a little more calmed.

"It's complicated," he said with pleading eyes.

"Well if it ever stops being 'complicated', I'm here to listen," I turned and got busy with the dough.

Suddenly I felt two hands on my waist, "I hate sharing," he said in my ear.

"You can't share something that isn't yours," I said without turning to look at him and then felt him leave.

I officially hated Jackson, so much. Why did he have to come and mess everything up? If he hadn't shown up I wouldn't be thinking twice about going out with Leonard. It wouldn't be so complicated. It never was while he was gone. It took me a long time to stop waiting for him to come back, a longer time to recover and longer to be ready to have sex with someone new. But when I was ready I did what any normal girl would do, went out, dated, had one night stands. Jackson had always been in my heart because I didn't forget him, I just let him go. And after a while it didn't hurt anymore.

Except now he was back and he had brought back with him a whole lot of new feelings; frustration, pain, hopelessness and confusion. A full truckload of that.