The Secret

Healing

Note: Okay guys so for this chapter I got the idea for it while listening to one of my favorite songs called Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur. I want you guys to listen to it so you can feel everything I did when I wrote it. Thank you.

Holly's POV

It's been four months since my surgery. I've been healing up very nicely, as the doctors have put it. I got my stitches out, and I'm going to my doctor for my last check-up.

Scarlett and I woke up and got ready. We both made breakfast and ate together. I love this girl more and more each day. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We got into the car and she drove me to the hospital. We checked in and sat in the waiting room. We watched funny videos on YouTube while we waited.

I showed her one of my favorite videos when the nurse called us back. I took a deep breath and went back. The nurse checked me out and asked me some questions then she said the doctor would be back soon.

We waited patiently. With Scarlett here holding my hand, I didn't feel so bad. I felt like I could do anything with her here with me. I knew she was my soulmate. I just don't want her to think I'm moving too fast.

The doctor came in and greeted us with a smile. I felt relieved to see him smile.

"Hello, ladies. How are we doing today?" he asked cheerfully.

"We're fine."

He sat down and started talking about my scars. He said they all looked good and that I was perfectly fine. He said I could go back to doing my normal routine as long as I didn't overdo it.

I was so relieved. I couldn't wait to get back to my normal life. I have the most amazing, beautiful, wonderful girlfriend, and I'm glad I don't have to be sick anymore.

We went out for ice cream to celebrate. It was Scarlett's idea. I told her I would pay for my own, but she wouldn't let me. She said she was trying to be "ladylike" and pay for me. So I let her.

I got a vanilla cone, and she got a chocolate swirl. We sat on the benches they have and ate our ice cream. I had mine all over my face. Scarlett laughed at me and wiped my face. She was a little dramatic because she went up to my forehead and wiped it down. We both laughed, everyone was staring at us but we didn't care.

We were in love and nothing would ever change that. A song came on the speakers and it was one of my favorites. Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur.

I stood up and bowed. She laughed at me as she took my hand. We were dancing in the parking lot. I sang the song to her. She laid her head on my shoulder and I knew she was crying. I held her tight until the song was over. I kissed her. It was one of our best kisses yet.

Everyone cheered, they were all happy for us. I couldn't believe it. Nobody was rude or anything. I know we have supporters out there, but some people are rude and disrespectful.

We rode home and for some reason, I just didn't feel very well. I went into the bathroom and l saw my scars. I hated the way they looked, all raveled and long. It made me ugly. I've always had a problem with the way I look.

I have very low self-esteem. I always have. I don't think I'm good enough for anyone. I feel like a nobody. I can't be everything Scarlett needs. I love her and I want her to have a family one day. I always said I want to have a baby. I would have gotten artificial insemination, that way we could have had a baby.

I'm planning on starting a family with her and I don't even know if she feels the same. I walked out of the bathroom and when she saw me she ran up to me. I was crying uncontrollably. I can't do this anymore.

"Holly baby what's wrong? Are you hurting? Talk to me baby, please."

"Scarlett what am I going to do? I can't have children for you. I love you, Scarlett. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to give you everything you've ever wanted in life. I'm not good enough for you Scarlett. I don't know if I can do this anymore."

"Why do you keep saying that? What do you mean you can't do this anymore? Are you breaking up with me?"

I turned my head and walked into the bedroom. I cried and cried. Scarlett stayed by the door. She waited for me to calm down and talk to her.

"Holly, you can't keep walking away. We need to talk things through."

I didn't answer her and she walked away. When she came back I heard music. She was playing her guitar. She started singing and it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. You could hear her soul coming out in the music. She sang Say You Won't Let Go. She was singing to me.

I stepped out of the room and we walked to the couch. She sat her guitar down and I sat in her lap. We got comfortable and talked about everything.

"Why do you keep saying you're not good enough for me? You are everything I've ever wanted in someone."

"Scarlett I'm sick. The doctors say it's all over, but I don't think it is. When we got home I just had a feeling of dread. Then I went into the bathroom and l saw my scars. I'm ugly. I know because we're both girls we can't have children together. I would have gotten artificial insemination for us to have a family together. I've always wanted to have a baby. Now I can't. I've always had low self-esteem. I don't see myself as someone worth something. I've never been in love before, and when you tell me you love me it makes me happy. At the same time, I worry because one day you could wake up and tell me your done, that you don't love me anymore."

"Holly I do love you with all my heart. I will love you for the rest of my life. Today, tomorrow, and forever. You are everything to me. I've stayed by your side this long. I'm here, and I always will be. I don't care what comes our way, I'll be here for you. I love you, baby. You need to know that."

I kissed her. I knew she loved me, I'm scared I'll never be what she needs. We lay in bed that night and just held each other. I felt so safe with her. I'm so stupid for thinking she didn't love me. We both love each other and we need each other more than we even realize.

Note: I just wanted to take this time to thank Iridescentforever for all the advice and conversations we've had. You give me great advice for my book. I'm glad you enjoy it so much. I also mentioned both songs in my book, Say You Won't Let Go, and Secret Love Song part 2. Thank you for everything. Your fan hjh1024.