//Apartment 102//

//but i hate to think about you with somebody else//

Grimmy was hosting a sort of after party at his house following the boy's concert in celebration of their first real gig. What he described as "only a few close friends and fans" was actually more like everyone that lived in the greater surrounding area, cause fuck  were there a lot of people at his house.

There was music pouring through the sound system in his living room, enough booze to stock his bar in its entirety, and scantily clad girls packed wall to wall. I left my space, squeezed between Matty and George, and excused myself to the restroom. Shutting the door behind me, I leaned with both hands on the vanity and took a couple deep breathes to calm my anxiety. I took a quick look in the mirror, fixing a few stray curls that were sticking out from frantically dancing about at the show, before opening the door and stepping back out into the chaos of the party.

Fuck, okay, this is fine.... just gotta find Matty and George.

They weren't were I left them, and I could not pick out Ross or Adam either. My feet carried me to the kitchen to pour myself a drink, as I continued to glance over faces until I saw one that I recognized.

"Nova!" George's voice boomed over the music, as I looked up to see him pushing through a crowd of people to get to me.

"Hey!" I said, or rather yelled, back at him. "Where's Matty?"

"No idea, I've lost him" George draped his arm over my shoulder, knowing how nervous last crowds like this tended to cause me to feel. "Come on, love, lets go find us someone else's weed to smoke."

His comment made me giggle, as I let him steer me through the party. We ended up in Grimmy's back yard, sitting on patio furniture amongst Grimmy, Harry, Ross, and Adam passing a joint around. I thought it odd that Matty wasn't in this group of friends, but didn't think much of it. He was celebrating their biggest show yet, so he was probably just off somewhere with fans.

After a bit of time, arguably too much marijuana, and enough booze to make my head spin when I tried to get up, I excused myself from the group to use the restroom and look for my messy haired friend.

I went to the bathroom first, and then searched through the maze of halls for Matty. I pushed past people I didn't know, listening carefully to try and pick out his soft sounding voice. I walked past a door and stopped when I heard his voice from inside. Stumbling over to the door, I placed my hand on the handle, before abruptly stopping when I heard something that sounded like.... shit that sounds like moaning. I leaned my ear up to the door.

"Oh, fuck yeah." That was definitely  Matty's voice. Was he...

"Fu-- yeah baby, just like that." He moaned. I pulled my body away from the door. Matty was having sex with someone on the other side of that door. I backed away and turned around, walking fast-paced back through the hall ways.

He was having sex with some random girl at the party. My messy haired neighbor, who would just walk into my house at 4 am because he couldn't sleep. The boy who called me, before anybody else, even before George, to come and find him after a night of binge drug use. Matty, who held my hand because he was so nervous before his show, who I had developed such strong feelings for since moving to Manchester, was fucking some girl, with nothing but a wooden door between me and his skin being pressed against somebody else's. I felt so wrong. This all felt so wrong.

My vision started to blur as my eyes filled with tears. A boy shouldn't affect me like this. Especially a boy who I had never actually been with, or even properly kissed. We were just friends, and maybe that's all we would ever be, but fuck that didn't stop this from hurting any less. A dull ache behind my ribcage reminded me of how much my heart was currently breaking, as I come to a horrifying realization. I didn't just have a crush on my messy haired neighbor.... I think I am in love with the asshole.