Teenage Ghost

I lost myself

  I never thought that one incident could change the person I am. I became someone i'm ashamed of. Never being able to be proud of myself for accomplishments, but always looking at the things I done wrong and putting myself down for them. I can still remember the days when I was always happy and thought nothing could ever tear me down; I thought I was invincible, inpenetrable, that nobody could ever hurt me.. Boy was I ever mistaken.

   It all started when I was 11 years old. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the day my world fell apart around me, and the girl I once was became lost. The people I once called friends betrayed me, and hurt me like everyone else. I stood alone; My force field shattered, no one there to defend me,and it was than that I truely realized that not everyone is trust worthy. It was the first time in my life I felt broken, and it was true; I was broken on the inside and out. No one ever seemed to noticed though. I didn't tell my mom for a long time, I thought that if I did i'd be a dissapointment to her and everyone else. So i kept my feelings buried behind fake smiles and laughs, hidden from everyone; Afraid that if they'd showed, people would use my feelings and weaknesses against me. 

  Everyone was now the enemy. I no longer knew who to trust ( If there was anyone for me to actually trust in first place ). 

  Everyday I was pushed around and called names by the people who were once my friends. I would go home with bruises and cuts all over; Saying that I feel or ran into something. I became an expert at hiding what was really going on, but everything was weighing on me. I needed a way to release the pain, so I started cutting myself in places people wouldn't see them. 

  I realized that nobody ever noticed the pain I was in, or at least didn't care. When I was bullied the kids who saw would join in, and the teachers never said anything. The one time I tried fighting back when it first happened, I was the one who got in trouble; So I gave up.

  Soon my day consisted of the same routine: Go to school, get bullied, go home, lock myself in my room, cut myself, and than cry myself to sleep. In my mind it was the only thing I could do. If I told anyone, it would only get worse; So I handled it the only way I knew how. I would always think to myself that things couldn't possibly get any worse than they already are; I was wrong.