Temptation

-2-

           

Andy knew. Andy knew in the way that best friends did, and, without me even having to say a word, he had gathered me into a hug and let me sulk alone in bed all night. Now, sunlight was filtering through the flat, and I'd hardly moved a muscle. I was annoyed with the weather for being so damn cheery, even on such a miserable day – Crashing rain and thunderstorms would've better suited the mood.

            I wanted the world to go away, or I at least wanted the time to pause so that I could regather my bearings before having to move along with it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the way that it worked, and Brooklyn launched himself onto my bunk, tackling me as he asked if I wanted to walk with him to McDonald's to grab some breakfast.

            "Leave him alone," Andy said, pulling him away from me, but I had already been shaken back into reality – There was no time for heartbreak, not in a lifestyle like this, where you lived with four other nosy, energetic boys.

            "It's fine," I said, getting up and rubbing my eyes, going for the whole 'No it's cool, Sophie was just busy yesterday' approach, instead of how I was really feeling, which was 'Everything reminds me of her and I don't know if my heart will ever beat again without it hurting.'

            I allowed myself one night to nurse my aching heart, but now it was time to pretend as if Sophie didn't still hold it in the palm of her hands to do with as she wished, even though I knew that hers no longer belonged to me. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would take her back, no questions asked. Even if it was just for a night, and she still smelled like love from him, I would suck in her blue eyes and cherry chapstick and trace the curves that her body made, feeling her body heat against mine, just one last time, even with the knowledge that it would make losing her again hurt even worse.

            As it was, I felt her absence of her body next to mine, her fingers intertwined within my own, the light sound of her ballet flats tapping the steps as we left the flat, and I was brought back to the scene of the crime. The ghost of the Sophie that I used to know, the Sophie that still loved me like I love her, danced around my vision.

            Andy kept a steady eye on me as we walked up, as if he expected me to try and dart out in front of one of the speeding cars or something. I needed to kill myself, but only in the way that Sophie did – I needed to find who I was without her. I needed to love something other than the sound of her laughter as my tongue tickled the crook of her neck.

            We'd left Jack back at the flat to sleep in, and as Mikey lifted Brooklyn up onto his back and darted forward in a wild piggyback ride, Andy stayed back, lingering beside me.

            "She broke up with me." I spoke the words before he could ask, and they felt foreign on my tongue. Broke up. With me. Broke up with me. Broke with me. Broke. Broke me.

            "That's shit," He said, and I kicked a pebble, watching it stumble along until it got stuck in a crack on the sidewalk. "Did she say why?"

            I couldn't even remember what excuses she had pulled out, only the smell of his cologne.

            "She found somebody else." I put it simply, because it was easier to make it devoid of emotion. She could be anyone, but not Sophie. My Sophie. Not the girl who drew a heart on my cheek with a Sharpie and wouldn't let me wash it off for a week.

            "You'll always have me," Andy said softly, looking up at me and pulling me in for a quick half-hug. I nodded, but the truth was there that was hole in me, right where my heart used to be, and nothing and nobody could fill it – Nobody expect for a girl who no longer wanted to be there.