The Prophecy of Justin Long

The Arch Nemesis of Justin Long

Morgan Freeman. That's right, the man with the voice of God is Justin Long's arch nemesis. Thought to be universally loved, charming, and inspirational, Morgan Freeman despises Justin Long's metal hippie teachings. A world in which all species coexisted and acted as each other's benefactors was ludicrous to Morgan Freeman, who believed that humans should remain on the top of the food chain. Although Morgan Freeman did not have the powers of the Earth in his DNA, he did have immortality and had seen the world back when humans were in the minority. The times were dark and he never wished to return anywhere near that point. As a result, he put his silky voice to use.

Morgan Freeman began to make a speech to all of his potential underlings:

"Here ye, here ye, my sweet children. Many of you know me as Morgan Freeman, an actor, some know me as Morgan Freeman, a god, but very few know the real me - Morgan Freeman, an immortal. I have seen the world, good and bad, and I know what works. In all of history, whenever humans were the inferior species, or even an equal species to the others, the world was plagued with death, destruction, sadness, and fear. Cavemen did not lead great lives. Do you really want to return to those days? Yes, I see the appeal in Justin Long. He has thick eyebrows and a kind smile, as well as a charming career. I mean, he is the title character in the greatest movie series of all time, Alvin and the Chipmunks! However, his ideologies are ludicrous. Sure, he can fly and control the earthly elements, and he is willing to compromise with corporate tyranny, but he is too idealistic for this society. We are too intelligent a species to be equal to the beetles, worms, and rats of the world. So stand by me and continue living as you do, superior and proud."

Justin Long heard the silky voice and began devising as to how the immortal could be defeated, through the nonviolent means of education and compromise. He knew what had to be done.