NOTE: This is from experiences of my own put into something so it sounds more like a story. Enjoy!! Also, This is for the
It started off with little things like looking in the mirror and pointing out the things I didn't like. I was young, only 9 years old and I didn't think anything of it. I was just trying my best to fit in at a new school and make new friends. For 3 whole years, I didn't think anything about the fact that normal kids were outside playing, while I was inside fixing myself to make sure I looked good. But, it all just changed when I walked into my first day of middle school. It wasn't like I had no friends, or that things had changed all that much, I was going to the same school with the same people just in a different part of the building. All the sudden, fitting in and making others impressed me, was the most important thing. I hated everything about who I was and if I didn't get good grades I would put myself down, I wouldn't talk to people, it just sits in my room and cry. The smallest things triggered me. It was because I wasn't good at anything. I couldn't play sports, I couldn't do art, I couldn't sing, or even do what I love, writing. I was so awful at everything. I'd cry myself to sleep while going over in my mind about every small thing that was awful about me. My body, my hair wasn't long and sleek, I was too pale, I had no talent, and I could go on. I even self-harmed at one point. It was as if all of my senses became numb, and there was just something, rather, someone, telling me I wasn't good enough, or nothing about me was lovable. Now, it's not like any of that has changed, in fact, none of it has at all. I still hate myself. But I've learned something, that there are ways to escape. It's hard to escape when there's there are people putting pressure on you to be perfect. But, the only way I could silence the voices telling me to lose weight or put more makeup on, was looking at pages of words. Pages of words that bring you somewhere else. Pages of words that made everything okay. Reading to me wasn't just for enjoyment. Reading made me feel like I was some place else where things were okay. Where I didn't have to be perfect.
