Ali´s pov
"Good night Jc." I said and went straight to bed. I could barely look at him without feeling bad, because of what I've done. I was waiting for him to say something, or ask me something, but he was quiet and fell asleep within a few minutes, which I was both happy and sad about. Or I don´t know if I was happy, but relieved. At the same time, I of course wanted to lie and cuddle with him, just not right now. I lay for a long time and thought about how this day been. It had certainly not been my day today, or even the whole month, frankly it had been hell. Never had I felt as bad as now. Except now for the past week, now it had been better, but the other three weeks was the exact opposite. I felt so bad that I stayed home the whole first week. To meet him in school would have destroyed me. I didn't want to think about what he said, or what I had done. I had cried myself to sleep every night. I was completely wrecked. Bradley had tried to contact me 24/7, texted me several times a day. But I let the phone be. I couldn't even think about that night, no, that night I had made my worst mistake. How could I have let myself go so far with him? Sure, there was an incredible attraction between us two, but that I really did it with him, it was something I never thought about myself... In that moment it felt good, it felt more than good, and Bradley was constantly careful and gentle, while he whispered loving things to me. But immediately afterwards came the guilt. Bradley tried to persuade me that Jc deserved it, he was better for me, but I just couldn't. So I took my stuff and left him right away. I had neither met nor spoken to him since. I regretted what I did that night, more than anything I´ve ever done. I knew that Jc would hate me if I told him, so I couldn't. I wanted to tell him, because I didn't want any secrets for him, but this secret was too big and too horrible. I heard Jc’s heavy breaths and he turned around as he put his arm around me, his body was tightly against mine but I couldn´t relax, thought about Bradley was all in my thoughts. I wished I never met him, or not have agreed to take a coffee with him. I should´ve stopped seeing him when I felt there was an attraction between us, because I knew that he was bad news. I had felt so bad about it, and I was still mad at Jc so I didn't want to meet him, not anyone. But I must admit that it gave a sort of confidence boost to get such attention from the two gorgeous guys, I am not lying about that. But I was ashamed. I was not that kind of girl. I had always been she who stood a little in the background, didn´t make so much noise from. And now I was here, with Jc Caylen as my boyfriend, and Bradley Tanner, as… well I don't know. I knew what people said behind my back, I had heard them in school, but I had ignored them, Jc had said that it was just jealousy and that I shouldn´t let it get to me. But I was not like him. He was used to getting such attention, I neither wasn´t nor I wanted to get the attention. My head was full of thoughts and I could really not fall asleep, so I went carefully up out of bed and went to sit out on the back with a blanket around me.
When I had decided to meet Jc again after three-four weeks I had been extremely nervous, I don't know why, but I really didn't know what to expect. Then I had missed him enormously, being without him had almost been indispensable. I missed falling asleep beside him, waking up next to him, I was missing him. But now I had him again, but I still couldn´t enjoy it fully. I leaned my head back against the wall in frustration and sighed loudly. Why was I so stupid? Damn it Ali, you can´t let Bradley destroy what you have with Jc, I thought. Am I happy? Of course I'm happy. But am I really, really happy? I don´t know. I mean I love him. And yes, it was worth fighting for, he was worth fighting for. I picked up my phone and saw that I had received another text from Bradley, he wanted to see me, as he had written the past few days. After I wrote to him that I had gone back to Jc, he wanted to meet me, probably to try and persuade me to choose him instead, but it was something I would never do. I ignored his text and looked out over the garden.
"Hey babe, why are you sitting out here?" I suddenly heard Jc ask. I turned around and saw him standing in nothing but underwear with his hair all messy.
"Couldn't sleep." I mumbled. He walked over and sat down next to me and I put the blanket around him as well.
"Is something wrong? Ali, I notice that something has happened." He asked anxiously, and laid his hand on my thigh.
"No, nothing is wrong. I've just had so much in my head today, that's why." I said and gave him a forced smile.
"Babe you don't need to pretend in front of me." He said and smiled encouragingly. I threw my arms around his neck and leaned my head against his shoulder. Then I started to cry, I don't know why the tears came all of a sudden, but everything became too much. He held on to me tightly and stroked my hair slowly. We sat still while and it calmed me down.
"Do you want to talk about it or go to sleep?" He whispered gently.
"Sit here for a little while, then sleep. But you can go to bed, I will come soon. Just need to be alone for a bit." I said and looked at him.
"Are you sure?" I nodded and gave him a smile. He put his hand on my cheek and kissed me before he stood up and walked inside. I pulled up my knees to my body and held around my legs. How could I get such a sweet and wonderful boyfriend? I didn´t think that Jc even had such a side, no one probably did. Everyone thought that he was just the tough guy who got into fights, and always won, went to parties and hooked up with girls. But oh so wrong they were. But on the other hand, I was glad that I was the only one who got to see that side. I took a deep breath before I walked in to the bedroom to join him in bed. He had already fallen asleep so I put myself under the covers and I tried to fall asleep as well.
After sleeping for almost ten hours, I felt very refreshed. I was thankful that I didn't have any classes today, but unfortunately Jc had, so he was already gone when I woke up. He had written a text that he would come home around two so it wasn't too much time left. But I couldn't stay at home and wait for him, because then I started thinking too much, and I couldn't think more now, this month I hadn´t done anything other than to think, and I was tired of it. So I pulled on my clothes and went home to my house, changed clothes and went out for a run. I put on loud music in my headphones so I hardly heard my own thoughts, which was the point.
An hour later I threw myself down on my bed all sweaty and tired. I went into the shower and stood there for too long, but I had no real power or desire to go out. But when I was almost falling asleep after standing still for a long time I went out. I threw on a pair of comfortable pants and a t-shirt before I packed a bag of clothes and drove back to Jc´s. It felt so natural to go there, I felt more at home there than in my house now, oddly enough. My parents were not fond of the idea that I practically loved with Jc now, but they agreed since I was legal. I stood and cooked and just when I was done I heard Jc come through the front door.
"Is it food I smell?" Jc asked and I heard how surprised he sounded, I was not the one who often cooked.
"Funny Jc." I said sarcastically and I heard him laugh. I had cooked up a chicken dish and it was actually really good.
"Do you feel better today?" He asked as we sat in the car to go to Santiago.
"Yes, I think it helped that I had to sleep out properly." I said and was almost completely honest.
"I just have to ask, you haven´t met ehm, Bradley in a while, huh?" He asked anxiously and I stared at him.
"Please, Jc, I don't want to talk about him." I said annoyed.
"Just answer my question." He said angrily.
"No I haven't, that was a long time ago." I mumbled and felt how the atmosphere was pressed.
"Have you met Brody?" He asked, and continued to pressure.
"Jc, please drop it."
"No I want to know."
"No I haven't, so can we stop talking about them now." I asked and didn´t want to start a fight.
"Okay." I'm sorry." He said but not sounding completely sincere, but he didn´t say anything else. When we arrived at Santiago's house, he was completely normal and pretended as if nothing happened. Why was he so nervous that I met Brody? Bradley I understood, but not Brody, what did he have to do with it? Sometimes I really didn´t understand Jc, and I often wondered what was going on inside his head. But no, now there won´t be any more fighting. No more Bradley and unfortunately no Brody, if Jc now becomes so jealous...
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I have two ideas of fan fictions to write after Reckless, but I don´t know if they are good, I have one Connor Franta lovestory and another Jc story, but a supernatural story, would you even be interested in reading that? Please comment your thoughts, and comment & vote about this chapter too please, thank you.
