A Home For Zoe

Memory (Edited)

"She wanted to say 'don't leave me' but
she couldn't do it, not again.
She was tired of begging people to love her."

Zoe

I've settled in at the Bradley's, at least a little bit. I know the routine now. Sometimes I even join in, but most of the time I stay stubbornly inside or upstairs reading. This afternoon I'm in the Bradley's family room while everyone else is outside swimming. The book I'm reading isn't very good, and memories keep pushing themselves up to the surface. I fight most of them back down but one manages to take hold and I'm pulled back in time.

I'm sitting in a dark corner, shaking; I don't want him to find me and I'm so very cold. The clomping footsteps echo all around me. I whimper.

A shadow falls over me and I shake even harder. "Daddy" I whisper.

I see the hand before I feel it's sting when it connects with my face, and I shrink back, making myself as small as possible. Maybe he's drunk enough to forget I'm here.

I want my mom back or at least for my dad to turn back into my dad. He's all I have left.

The huge hand is coming towards me again, but this time he grabs hold of my arm and yanks me up, I scream in pain and as my shoulder twists the wrong way. My vision is blurry, but I can see that he's dragging me toward the front door.

Why doesn't he love many anymore? Does the stuff in the brown bottles steal away you heart?

We're out the door and the bright sun burns my eyes, but he has both my hands so all I can do is squeeze my eyes shut.

He let's go of me before shoving me forward, but my eyes are still closed and I trip. When I land a searing pain shoots up my right arm. Before I can get to my feet, he grabs the back of my t-shirt and pulls me up. For a second I can't breathe. Then he lets go and I suck in air.

He shoves me again and this time I manage to scrabble into the back seat. I try to buckle myself in but it makes the pain in my wrist worse and I have to bite back a scream. The driver's side door slams shut, the engine roars to life and we are speeding away. He takes a turn to fast and I'm thrown to the right, this time I can't help but scream as my arm bangs into the car door.

I can feel the anger and hatred radiating off of my father. I whimper, I don't know where we're going, but I have a sick feeling in my stomach. He twists around in the driver's seat and sends his fist into my stomach. I choke and gasp. He turns around just in time to swerve back into his own lane.

We're in the car for what feels like hours, driving, driving, driving. I have to go to the bathroom, but I'm too afraid to tell him. Finally, he pulls up to a simple brick building. His hand closes over my hurt wrist and I groan in pain. "Shut up!" he whispers close to my ear. I do.

I follow him inside the building. His breath is hot against my cheek when he growls, "Sit down and stay quiet." I limp over to the chair and sink into it.

I stare at my father as he stocks up to the desk. I can't hear what he's saying to the lady, but she looks over at me worriedly. She says something to him and he turns red in the face. I want to close my eyes and make this all stop. When I open them again, my father is half way out the door without even a glance at me.

I whimper, "Don't go." But he's already gone.

The women walks over to me and kneels down, she looks me over and says gently, "Hi, Zoe."

"Zoe"

Someone is saying my name, and my eyes shoot open. I see Alanna, she too is kneeling in front of me, her face full of concern. "Are you okay?"

I force week a smile and nod. I can't form any words right now. I don't think she believes me, but she leaves me alone anyway.

I rub at my right wrist, remembering the pain. That women had ended up taking me to the hospital. I had a broken wrist and a dislocated shoulder.

I told them I fell.

After I was released form the hospital my very first social worker took me to live with a foster family. I cried myself to sleep every day for the first month.