The smile faded from my lips, there was nothing to be happy about. I was staring into the face of the person that forgot their life, along with the very person I was, why should I be happy? This is not joyous, in any means. Maybe I should let it go, there is no point fighting a battle I am sure to lose. No one will tell me what happened, and I’m pretty goddamn sure that if I knew, I could get to grips about how long I will spend my life like this.
Now is not the time though, I need to get to grips with my life and how I am going to be spending it for the rest of my life.
“Joe take your sister up to her room whilst I make some dinner” Joseph nodded, gesturing for me to follow as he took a small staircase upstairs. I was amazed at the size of the house. It looked so small from the outside but it was considerably larger on the inside, I mean it’s no mansion. I followed upstairs where the house started to get a bit cramped; it was cosier than it was cramped but I’m guessing that’s a good thing.
There were three rooms, one directly opposite me, one to my left and another next to it. They were rather close so I assumed they were small but then again I couldn’t tell the size of their rooms from just outside. “This is your room” Joseph called out, bursting my train of thought as he pushed open the furthest door away from me. I caught sight of the room but only a small section. The wall paper was pink, a light pink but pink none the less but it was covered by a mix of posters, some of what I am guessing bands and other of cool art work. I stood still for a moment, taking in the brief glimpse of the room. “You can enter your own room you know” He snapped angrily. I nodded my head and moved closer, freeing a path way to the stairs. He smiled sarcastically at me as he brushed past and stormed downstairs; getting a lecture once he reached the bottom. I laughed to myself and entered the room. I was amazed by the state of it: it was clean. I mean it was almost spotless. Nothing was out of place, everything was just so tidy. The only thing that looked out of place was me.
I slowly closed the door behind me and sat down on the bed, covered with a lilac coloured bed sheet, taking in my surroundings. It wasn’t what I expected but when today had anything? But it was nice, the room was a light pink but a majority was plastered with different posters to hide such a girly colour. The carpet was completely clear of mess, and just general junk which made moving around in the tiny room just that little bit easier. Right next to my bed was a television, a large array of cables hiding behind it from the different machines underneath.
“I guess I could get used to this room” I whispered to myself, there was no other way out of here unless I moved out and, I doubt that will happen any time soon. I have no clue how old I am so it may or may not be legal for me to move out on my own. I got up from the comfortable bed I was just sat on and walked over to the window. The sight was amazing: trees sprouted up in the distance as there were many rolling hills covering my view. It was so peaceful and stunning to look at that I could sit here for hours just to clear my already empty mind.
“Chris, it’s time for dinner” I looked away from the window and over to the doorway where Joe was hovering, looking irritated by something. I nodded my head, dismissing him so I could go downstairs, I was starving but it was only recently I was told by the woman, who I am guessing is my mother, said she was making it. That was quick, or do I have no concept of time what so ever? It really didn’t matter; I should really eat some kind of food to get my strength up. I strolled out the room and down the stairs into the tiny dining area where both my mother and Joe were sat, a plateful of food sat central on their place mats.
I took the last seat, well the one with food in front of it any way, waiting for everyone else to tuck into their food before I did, just so I didn’t look like a pig and so it wasn’t rude. I looked over to Joe was stuffing his face as mum scowled at him, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. He immediately stopped eating and looked over towards the woman who had hit him, a questioning look on his face.
“We need to introduce ourselves properly” She hissed loudly at him, a forced smile on her face as she tried not to be so mean and harsh, I rolled my eyes at her attempts to still look like a kind and loving person. I’m not saying that she isn’t, but that she was very nice to me. She turned away from Joe as he proceeded to shove a sausage in his mouth at the very second that mum looked away. Lucky she didn’t. She cleared her throat and a genuine smile was on her face, her cheeks going a light red colour from where she had been smiling so much. “Chris, I am your mother and this is your brother Joseph” I nodded my head, trying to not scream out that this was obvious and I could tell from the very beginning. But I kept my cool and stayed silent, slowly picking at my food, my appetite was now lost.
My mother picked up on the fact I wasn’t eating since I was continually pushing a pea around my plate, I was already on my fourth lap, about to overtake the carrot for the third time.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to eat it, I’ll understand” I nodded my head and gently place my knife and fork down. I don’t know why but I felt no energy to do anything, I just wanted to sleep. Lay down alone, catch up on sleep despite the fact I have been asleep for a month now.
“Please can I leave the table?” I asked quietly as both my mother and Joe finished their meals. Before I had received and answer I slowly got up from the table and left to go upstairs. No one complained or argued, they just let me go, and probably understanding I needed time to grasp everything. That was partly right; I just wanted to know everything I had lost, every second of my life I had missed, but it is impossible, my head is so bare that I can hear the tumbleweeds rolling around.
“Chris are you okay?” I turned to the face the door to see my mother standing idly in the doorway, a concerned smile on her face. I nodded my head and turned around to face the window, the rain had begun to pour down, I hadn’t even realised that it had started raining. “I know it is hard for you but we can make get through it, we’ll make new memories for you to treasure, why should we dwell on the past?” Her words were true but for once I just wanted to dwell on the past, maybe It can help me figure out what the hell has happened in side my head; let me figure out what has happened and work from there.
“Because without the past we are lost, we are nothing than empty beings. If we forgot every second of our lives we would be the same, empty and cold. Everyone would do the same things because they can’t build up a character from what they have done, from the area they live in because everything would be the exact same thing” I took a breath, to steady my mind and to stop myself from tearing up. “That is exactly how I feel. I am just some blank canvas on display in the middle of an art exhibition, there are millions like me but with a single splash of paint it is different. Two may look alike but they could have been made by two different artists, it builds up the character of the image. I’ve lost my colour and now in search for my old artist” I don’t quite understand why I chose an artist over everything else but I did, it felt right, like I should have said that, in that exact way. I don’t even know why I’m questioning that, out of all of what I said, I should be questioning the entire speech, what is wrong with me.
It wasn’t just me who thought this; clearly my mother was at shock to my recent outburst of emotion. All I could have said is that I feel empty, that because I have forgotten everything I don’t feel like the same person. Now that would have taken less time and would have gotten my point across quicker, but no I have to go all complex on myself and not care.
I pushed away everything and collapsed on my beg, hugging my knees close to my chest as I stared at the limited space that wasn’t covered in something other than paint. It gave me something simple to focus my mind on that wasn’t this crazy world I live in.
