Weaknesses Can Be Strengths (Ivar The Boneless Fanfiction)

Chapter One:

I didn't understand fear, or what it was. I never felt it. Sometimes I feel crazy because I'm not like everybody else, but my mother just told me that I was special.

My father worked closely beside Ragnar Lothbrok, forcing me to be close to his sons. My mother hated his second wife Aslaug. But was always kind to her.

My older brother Calder would spend time with the old sons, Ubbe, Sigurd, and Hvitserk.

I was forced to play with Ivar when he wasn't attached to his mother.

When Ivar killed the boy, others feared him, I didn't. I just thought he was evil. I didn't understand why other kids never spent time with him, I supposed they didn't want to be next, but I never thought they were scared.

While our fathers were raiding Aslaug would have me over sometimes to keep Ivar busy.

He'd force me to play dumb games with him. He'd call me stupid, and ugly. I was oddly smaller than other children, making him call me a baby.

I never said anything rude back, I wouldn't pick on his legs, I just had to say "I pity you" to get him angry and force me to leave.

But sometimes Ivar would ask me to spend time with him instead of his mother asking.

We'd pretend sticks were swords, and we'd play pretend. Helga made us tiny boats to play with. We never went by the water, but we pretended the muddy puddles or the dirt ground was the sea.

When people came back from raiding, my father came back, but Ivar's left shortly after and was never seen again.

His mother started to get drunk a lot, and she'd try to keep Ivar close, but he wanted to play with me.

He was fascinated by the fact that I couldn't feel fear he started trying to scare me with various things, locking me in a dark room, forcing me to stand next to a snake, making me stand close to an edge, or scream in my face while holding a knife to me. But I wasn't scared, of any of that, I fell curious at the sight if the snake, and I sat on the edge of the cliff. I waited until a slave let me out of the dark room, and I only laughed at him, and called him crazy when he screamed at me.

The older he got, the more he stoped trying to scare me. He hated that I didn't fear him while everyone else did, but never stopped spending time with me.

Ivar and his brothers started learning how to fight, and I was left out. I would sometimes watch the boys, but I felt bad for the animals they used for target practice.

I eventually stopped watching them, and begged my mother to let me learn how to fight, but she refused.

My father said I was to stay at home, and not become a shield maiden. I even asked Bjorn if he'd teach me how to fight, but he only laughed in my face.

For a few years I'd spy on my brother or Ragnarssons fight, and I'd try to copy them when I was alone in my house, or in my backyard.

I even made my own dummy to fight with a stick, but it wasn't the same, and once an older boy caught me trying to fight, and he beat me up.

My older brother found him and beat him until you couldn't recognize his face.

I was embarrassed and I just wanted to be like the boys. My mother eventually allowed my brother to teach me a little bit, but he treated me as a warrior.

I wasn't that good for awhile, but with practice I became pretty decent.

I soon grew into a bit of a woman, and I didn't understand what that meant.

But I quickly learned by boys not being able to see a woman with breasts.

Ivar would snarl at me and say he didn't understand why anyone would like an ugly girl like me. But I'd respond with how I understood why nobody liked him.

Sigurd started to tease me like a child, and Ivar would roll his eyes and embarrass him.

I didn't really spend time with anyone but Ivar. My mother tried to court me with one of the village boys but none of them liked me.

I'd spend time by myself. My mother got worried when I was gone for longer than an hour, but I was always safe from what my mother feared.