The birth of new feminism and the death of cooking

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We were sitting outside yesterday- the weather has turned and the few reasonably warm days have reverted to freezing Southerly gusts and grey skies. Molly, Boyd, Dylan, Markie and I were discussing... money. (All of us were broke at the same time and I'd just received a bill for almost $500... this for 3 weeks of electricity use!)

"Whaaaat?" From Molly- shocked at the amount.

"There's seven of us Molly. Between showers, washing, and all the electrical equipment/gadgets we use-"

"I know the little fan heaters chew up a lot of electricity..." she admitted. (They have one I bought for their room as the layout of this 'new' house is such that the back area has individual split systems rather than the ducted heating/cooling of the front house. Theirs needs maintenance- though I am holding off since summer is here... kinda?)

"They do. Also... maybe try do your washing at night, when it is off-peak? And turn the bathroom and kitchen fans off when you leave ye?"

"Sure."

That over with, I switched the conversation to...

"So. Tell me what else I can write about. Issues you guys are dealing with and are unprepared for."

"Cooking!" Dylan was off and running. "Girls won't cook because it's "unempowering" and guys think it's too feminine because the girls think it so. So... now none of us will cook. Or can cook. It's crazy!"

"Huh? You saying cooking has become a contentious issue?"

"Ye? You didn't know? Why do you think we eat out so much?"

"Fuck!"

"I can't cook," Molly admitted. "Neither can Boyd. Apart from small stuff."

"Can't or won't?" (Molly is not as staunch a feminist as the rest of the girls I've met through my sons so I was interested in her take on this.)

"Can't. I mean I'd like to, you know, but-"

"Come on," Boyd cut in. "You hate cooking! I ask you to make things and you make excuses instead."

I turned to him: "And your excuse is?"

"I never had to?"

"But now you do have to. Don't you? I mean there's a separate kitchen here and you two are supposed to be saving. Makes sense you'd try cooking your own food rather than constantly eating out?" (Truth be told, I have NO idea what they eat or if they eat. I simply fill the boys' pantry with more of their usual healthy snacks/fruits/drinks and see them disappear but... who eats what is an unknown.)

"It's like this:" Dyls took control again. "Girls my age consider guys wanting girls to 'cook for them' to be sexist. Yep. And then the guys think it a 'girly thing'. So none of us cook."

"What you are saying- this new wave of feminism... the guys are back stuck at "it's a girly thing" because the girls have decreed it as too feminine?"

"Exactly. Funny, right? Girls are judged- by other girls, ye? If they hold on to 'old, patriarchal views' - (he made quotation marks with his fingers in the air, I in the meantime savoured the fact he was using 'big' words...) like cooking or cleaning - they are frowned on. For keeping (again quotation marks) "women" back. So there's all this pressure to push feminism on everyone, girls and guys. You can't be a girl at my Uni and not be a feminist."

"Huh." I didn't know whether to laugh at the sheer lunacy or hang my head down and... give up. Admit this new world had no room for my old brain. But then-

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"Wait a minute! If the girls are all about equality - and yes, there's nothing wrong with that, stop rolling your eyes - why aren't you all taking ummm... equal turns? Equality, right? You could cook here one night for example, then Tori could cook for you and Nathan at hers another night. That'd be fair?"

"Doesn't work like that! Why I said it's crazy. They are so caught up in their 'freedom from all patriarchy' spiel there's no room for compromise! They can't see the existing logical system of equality- like what you said, sharing chores... because they are too caught up trying to look as 'free from all patriarchy' as possible. Mad, right?"

"But I am curious as to why guys are reverting to seeing 'cooking' as too feminine? I thought we'd done away with that in my generation! The world I inhabit, that's how it worked and still works: Chores are shared. Including cooking. Okay, not in our family but let's say, generally, yeah?"

"I think it's a reaction to this new wave of feminism mum. Guys are confused. They are meant to be 'thoughtful' and 'considerate' and 'open to feelings' and 'sensitive to female issues' but... you try doing something for them and suddenly, you cop a mouthful of "I could have done that myself!" So it's like, "Well what's my role here?" Am I a man, am I a woman, am I neither? Both? And who the fuck does what?"

"Huh..." (Fuck!) More in-the-moment introspection on my part.

"So what you're saying is we've moved from a period of 'mutual' responsibilities and shared chores to... hmmm... nobody bloody doing anything for the other?"

"Yep."

"Tell me something... you know quite a few girls now. Can any of them change a car tyre?"

"You kidding?"

"What? That was a big thing in my day. We all learned. So we wouldn't need to sit helpless on the side of the road waiting for help from a male."

"They'll just call roadside assist, mum."

"Always a bloke in a little yellow van... hmmm... And if a washer is loose in the bathroom tap... they'll call a plumber... always a bloke... and if a light blows-"

"Exactly!"

"But... they're paying for it... you see Dylan? That's the new empowerment: They have the ability to pay a man for his service."

"Ummm... (fingers up in the air again) "with daddy's money'?"

"Oh."

"Ye, they have no problem with daddy supporting them. Or mummy. But hey, they are so liberated and independent!"

"I see." (I didn't 'see' a bloody thing!)

"It's lunacy. I reach to open a door, I get glared at. But then- we're at the beach and suddenly, they are 'helpless' in the water and squeal and latch on to me- like I'm saving them from drowning. If I refuse, I am glared at. Which is it? Are they independent or helpless huh?"

"Huh." (We were both huhing a lot. Way more than usual.)

"Oh ye!" (Something that had bugged me at the time but had been promptly forgotten, surfaced suddenly.) "The time at the Springs in Daylesford; I remember we were going down a steep path and you had to help Tori! Remember?"

"Uh huh..." (A pained expression on his face.)

"But. I went down unassisted. You didn't think to help me!"

"You don't need help! That's the thing. I don't see you as a 'helpless female'. You can do most things guys do. I've grown up knowing that. I've watched you paint houses and change tyres and fix odd jobs around the house- same as a bloke would. Okay, you don't cook much but I get the why, two women sharing a kitchen and all..."

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