Crave (editing)

Chapter Two

I awoke with chills tingling over my body. Shit I had like the worst headache ever! That was some seriously effed up dream I had. Sheesh! Vampires really? I thought my mind was more imaginative than that.

Next time I'll remember not too scarf down a whole bag of Takis, and two burritos from Chipotle and pickles before I go to bed. My Mom was right, that didn't seem to mix too well on an empty stomach.

So as I stretched and tried to get up I glanced down at myself, and knew right away the reason why I was so damn cold. I was buck-naked. What the flying fudge? This wasn't my bed, and my room had never looked so seriously late seventies pimp.

I mean what the hell? Velvet wall paintings and lava lamps? That's just so seriously cheesy. Eww!

Then all of a sudden it all came flooding back to me like an overflowing toilet. I had been kidnapped by a vampire with an exceedingly Emo vibe. I mean what was up with his hair cut? Was his hairdresser channeling his inner Pokemon? Like the whole scene was so early 2010. Is there no accounting for taste in the afterlife?  Well I guess not, look at who his dinner was earlier.

I drove myself crazy for a few more minutes about the state of my undress, and decided to do something about it. I spied my clothes lying in a heap by the stairs. They were pretty much ruined, so that was out of the question. Well at least my undies were still usable. I scanned the room, and didn't see any signs of Count Doucheula yet, so I snooped in his closet until I found something decent to wear.

Gah! The chicks he brought back to this place must have all been barking at the moon. The various female clothing I had found ranged in sizes from anorexic hooker (Beulah), to damnnnnnnnnnnnnn that's a huge bitch!  All were about as equally skanky.

After a bit more rummaging I found a pink tank top that didn't look too horrible, and grabbed what must be his sweats. I also pilfered some old school Chuck Taylors that fit a little loosely, but with some socks they weren't too bad. For a moment I wondered if all the female clothing was a sign of something else.

Some of the clothing was really big, and I thought for a moment that maybe my vamp kidnapper needed to reconsider their pronouns.

I was glad that I hadn't managed to lose the money I had in my pocket from my beat-up clothing. I needed to get home or my Mom was going to kill me. For some reason I didn't think the vampire version of  my chemical romance was going to take me home anytime soon. I got validation of that when I glanced around the room again, and saw him crashed out on a sofa that looked really uncomfortable.

Not wanting to waste any time thinking about it I made my way up the stairs. I guess that I must have been too out of it last night to really appreciate my surroundings.

The Vampires lair was actually really nice, I wondered if it was his or Beulah's home, but I didn't get the impression that she actually had any taste. I mean in all fairness come on! Who walks around in their underwear like that, when there's company over anyway?

Anyway, back to the subject. I was trying to find a phone somewhere, I had no idea where I was, and was in no mood to walk home in shoes that didn't fit me; but first I had to find the address here, or calling an Uber would be pointless.

I found a old phone book soon enough in what I was guessing was the pantry. There was a phone that wasn't too far; so hopefully an address wouldn't be either. As I was rummaging around, I was surprised  to see that there was food in the cabinets.

My curiosity got the best of me, as I walked to the kitchen I opened the refrigerator. It was loaded with food, human food. My stomach rumbled, and I was suddenly ravenous. I hadn't eaten anything since my pre vamp attack lunch, and I wasn't quite sure how long ago that had been. I grabbed a can of coke, and a bagel, figuring that the reject from that old 80's film the Lost boys,  owed me at least this much seeing as how I had been his dinner.