American Woman: Book 4

Chapter 47

Prince sat with Devon cradled in his arms for awhile, sobbing quietly. Finally she pulls back "daddy why you crying?"
"Bc I'm happy. I've missed you so much." He explained to her.
"I've missed you too." I chimed in, squatting down to their level. I reached out for her but she didn't budge. "Can mommy have a hug too?" I asked. She hesitantly let go of Prince to barley wrap her arms around my neck. "I love you." I whisper through my tears.
She didn't respond and immediately went back to the security of Prince, almost as if she was scared of me. I definitely noticed it and I think Prince did too but didn't want to acknowledge it, so he stood to his feet and lifted her up. "Where's your sister?" He asked, kissing her cheek. Devon shrugged her shoulders and Prince began to walk down the hallway toward the living room as I trailed behind them. The bond between them seeming to instantly be reconnected as he tickled her ribs and she giggled. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck and she rested her head on his shoulder.
As we entered the living room, I saw Lenny standing by the couch. "Sorry, she ran to your bedroom before I could stop her." He chuckles.
"It's alright, man." Prince responds. "So..."
He was cut off by the ding of the elevator and off steps Mayte holding Waverly. I could feel my eyes growing wide in shock. "Um, I think I'm having hallucinations again." I leaned in and whispered to Prince. "I'm seeing Mayte with our baby."
Prince takes a deep breath and looks at me with almost apologetic eyes. "You aren't seeing things, momma. She is here. She's been..."
He didn't get to finish bc Mayte joined us in the living room. "Look there's mommy and daddy." She smiles down at Waverly. Prince puts Devon down and takes Waverly from Mayte, again beginning to cry as he cuddles her. I reach down to pick up Devon, but she wiggles from my grasp and runs and grabs onto Lenny's legs. I made eye contact with Lenny for a split second before diverting my attention back to Waverly, embarrassed by my own child's reaction to me. Prince hands her off to me and I begin showering her little face with kisses, holding her tight to me. She starts to fuss, so I stop, thinking she doesn't like that. I start trying to talk to her, but she continues to whine and then turns her head to find Mayte and reaches out to her. I could tell Mayte was trying to ignore it but then Waverly leans so far over she almost falls out of my arms trying to get back to Mayte. I release her back to Mayte and look down to see Devon still clinging onto Lenny. I wanted to scream and yell and do all sorts of things in that moment, but I chose not to make a scene. "Excuse me." I say, in the politest voice I could muster and turned and headed back to our bedroom. Once I was out of their eyesight, I sprinted to the door and let myself inside, closing it behind me and crumbling onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. My own children hate me! They prefer others over me! How could I allow this to happen?! Will they ever trust me again? Will they ever love me again?! Have a destroyed my bond with them forever?! I wanted them to come back so badly but now I realize it is not going to be the reunion I yearned for. What if Prince starts to hate me once he sees how much our children despise me day in and day out? He may eventually decide it would be best if they weren't around me. I laid there with my mind spinning all these tragic scenarios for a good twenty minutes before I hear the door creep open. I knew it would be Prince trying to comfort me, but I didn't even want it at the moment. I know what I saw and felt. His words can't change the fact that our children aren't comfortable around me. "Momma, do you mind if we join you?" I hear Prince ask sweetly. I look up to see him standing beside the bed. He was holding Waverly, who was being fed a bottle, and Devon was hiding behind him. "Do you want to feed her?"
I nod my head in agreement and raise to a sitting position on the bed. He hands Waverly over to me and picks up Devon and sits down on the bed with her in his lap. "I'm sorry about Mayte." He quietly says. "Lenny ran into her while out with the girls a couple of weeks ago and she offered to help out. He asked me and I said it was fine. I knew he needed help and breaks and..."
"It's fine." I cut him off. My words portrayed one thing, but my tone was evident I wasn't loving the fact that she basically played the role of their mom the last couple of weeks. "You obviously weren't replaced, but I think I have been. Maybe you and her..."
"Don't start." He interjects harshly. "Don't go there. I don't want to hear that I should be with her, or that she should be their mother, or that she and I should have stayed together, or any other nonsense."
"Why? It's obviously true..."
"No, it's not. For starters, I am in love with YOU. Mayte is great. She really is. And I knew she would be really good with the girls and I trust her. But she's not my wife. She's not the mother of my children. She's not who I want a future with. She and Lenny did us a huge favor. That's all. They didn't replace us as parents to our girls. And they never will." He assures me.
I didn't respond. I knew he was right to a degree, but I also knew it was going to take a lot of time and effort for the girls to get over the damage I had done. Waverly finished her bottle and I burped her and tried sitting her up on the bed. She could sit for a few seconds but would fall over a lot. I picked her up and held her in my arms. "So did you know they were coming back today?"
"No! I was just as pleasantly surprised as you." Prince grinned at Devon, who was now going through drawers in the end tables by the bed.
"So why did they bring them back today?"
"Lenny said Laura called and asked if they could bring the girls back asap and surprise us. She thought we were ready." Prince explained.
"You probably are. I'm not. She didn't give me any guidance in how to interact with them." I said, a little frustrated that she didn't give me any warning or preparation for their return.
"Honey you don't need guidance in how to interact with your children. You know them better than anyone else. You're their mommy..."
"Yeah, who apparently didn't think they needed to be fed or kept clean..."
"Come on babe, don't beat yourself up. You are getting better already. And I'm here with you now. It won't happen again..."
"Maybe not. But only bc I have to take meds to make me not a lunatic and I need a chaperone to make sure I don't do something to them." I roll my eyes. "What kind of mother is that?"
"It won't be that way forever. This isn't permanent. You will eventually not need the meds and will be able to be alone with the girls. This is just temporary measures." Prince says while grabbing Waverly and putting her on floor with him and Devon, who found a magazine and was flipping through it and pointing to different pictures and telling Waverly what they were. After several pictures, she looks at Prince and says "her a baby. Her no talk."
Prince laughed "you are so stinkin adorable!" He showers her face with smooches as she squeals in delight. "I bet she can talk though. Let's see!" Prince scoops Waverly up and gets eye to eye with her. "Say 'dada.'" he commands softly to her.
"Yeah Waverwee say daddy. This is daddy." Devon says trying to squeeze her way onto Prince's lap too. He makes room for both his girls and keeps repeating "dada" until Waverly utters something close to it. Devon claps for her and Prince looks up at me in delight. I smile weakly back. "I bet she can say mama too." He suggests.
"Mommy mean." Devon blurts out, shattering my heart into a million pieces. I could feel my breath hitch in my throat and Prince stuttered around for something to say to alleviate the awkward, but honest, situation. "N-N-No she's not, Devon. Why would you say that, baby?" He asks her in a slightly scolding way.
"Her yell and hit." Devon continues. "Her cry and sleep. Her no play with me."
I couldn't stand to listen to it. I got up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. At least Waverly couldn't tell me the way she felt, but Devon could. She could express both of their feelings for the wicked person I had been to them. I knew she spoke the truth, but I couldn't bare to hear my precious little girl talk of her disdain for me. I knew I would have to eventually face the music, but I didn't feel like I was strong enough mentally or emotionally right now. Again a few minutes later, Prince comes to play the role of doting husband. He had obviously handed the girls off to someone so he could deal with me. It shouldn't be this way. He should be able to bond with his girls after all this time away and not be consumed with me and my problems. "Honey, I'm fine. Go spend time with the girls. I'll be out in a bit." I tried to urge him.
"I put them down for a nap. Listen, don't fret over what Devon said. Devon thinks people are mean if they look at her wrong..."
"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but we both know that's not the case this time."
"Baby, Devon has called me, and you, and lots of people mean numerous times. Why are you letting this get to you?"
"In the moment she will say it like if someone tells her no or something. That is way different. I haven't seen her in weeks and that's the first thing she says about me. She doesn't want me touching her. It's obvious she is repulsed and scared of me bc of the way I treated her and Waverly. This isn't her saying 'you're mean' when she doesn't get her way. It's way beyond that and don't act like it's not."
Prince sighs, "ok maybe not. But momma it's not like she's going to stay in this mind frame forever. They're home now. We can all mend our relationships with each other. They haven't seen me in almost three months so I have some work to do too."
"Devon didn't seem to miss a beat with you. And Waverly didn't fuss when you had her, only me. And the only reason they were apart from you for so long is bc of me! Listen, I don't want to talk about this right now. It's just making me more upset."
"Ok baby girl." He whispers, pulling me closer to him and kissing my forehead gently. "So where were we before we got pleasantly interrupted?" He chuckled.
"Where's Lenny and Mayte?" I ask bluntly.
"Well that made what was on the rise fall quickly. Well, I mean, unless you are wanting a repeat of the basketball court night with them."
"I'm serious." I giggle, pushing him back playfully.
"I'm not exactly sure. They probably left to give us some space for awhile." He shrugged. "They'll be back for dinner."
"They're staying?!!!" I shrieked.
"Well yeah. Baby, they just kept our kids for over three weeks. The least I could do was not run them off as soon as they got here. I told them to stay as long as they wanted. They probably will stay until Devons birthday next week...."
"Do they even have stuff?!"
"Probably not. I bet that's what they're out doing. Are you mad?" He winced.
"Well I'm not happy." I sighed. "It's awkward enough seeing as they are both our ex spouses. But I know Devon and Waverly are going to keep shunning me and it's not only going to make me sad, but also embarrass me. I just don't know if I can handle all of it. The kids rejecting me, having Lenny and Mayte here, them seeing my own children avoiding me, me seeing my girls want them over me..."
"You know what I think you need, momma?" Prince asked, rubbing my shoulders.
"What? A massage?" I asked through teary eyes.
"I guess you can call it that. I'll massage your pussy with my..."
"Prince! God! No! How can you even suggest that right now?!" I replied, highly annoyed.
"How can I suggest it?! Maybe bc we were about to have sex before the girls arrived. Bc I'm happy to have my family back under one roof. Bc we haven't had sex in almost three months. Bc I'm in love with you. Do you need more reasons?!"
"Well I'm not in the mood, at all. Far from it. I feel like I'm on overload. Maybe I just need to be alone for the rest of tonight and regroup for all I have to face the next few days."
"So you're leaving me to face it all alone?" Prince asked, rolling his eyes.
"I don't mean to make you feel like that. But you are stronger and more stable than me right now. I'm dealing with a lot more..."
"How so?! It's my ex and your ex, I think we are equal there. I'm uncomfortable around them too, especially at the same time...."
"But you don't have to worry about the girls..."
"Who says I don't?! You don't think I'm worried that they are going to prefer Lenny over me?! I'm just as nervous about that as you are. I have some of the same fears you do." He explains.
"I'm sorry babe. I guess you're right. It's just the girls aren't responding to you like they are me. They still think you hung the moon. You didn't hurt them like I did. I'm just so ashamed..."
"It's ok baby. I think Lenny and Mayte are glad you are better. They won't judge you. They aren't trying to replace us. I truly think they want the best for us and our girls. We have to remember that. We need to show them our appreciation for what they did for us, especially when they didn't have to. They have taken care of and loved our girls when we couldn't do it to the best of our ability. We owe them."
"You're right. I'm just nervous I guess. Well what time is dinner? What should I fix?" I ponder.
"Nothing baby. Maria will take care of it."
"Honey when are you going to let me start cooking again? You know it's something that helps my state of mind."
"I know. I don't want you to think I'm keeping you from it. But I don't want to overwhelm you. It will still be there once everything gets back in order. We have to just take it slow. Focus on us and the girls right now. Ok?" He nods at me.
"Ok." I reluctantly agree. "How about we take a shower together...Just a shower....While the girls sleep?" I suggest.
"That's just cruel momma." Prince laughs as he begins to strip off his clothes.