Poems: A Journey

"Why?"

"Why"? I must ask him
Why do I even care?
Why does he have this affect on me? Why does his name haunt me?
Why does every song on the radio remind me of him?
Why did he choose to do this to me? It's not like he called it off
That was my fault
But why
I thought we could still be friends Maybe even a little more than friends
That would've been nice
It would've been normal
But he avoids me
And I avoid him
Of course he was just using me
I'm not pretty
I'm not smart
I'm not happy
I'm ordinary
Plain
Useless
A waste of space
A speck compared to him
Of course I meant nothing
We meant nothing
Because I am nothing
Maybe if he saw how sad I was
Or how desperate I am
To actually be accepted by someone
To be able to have someone of the opposite gender enjoy my time
But he never really enjoyed my time
It was all a lie
It's always a lie
I'm used to make girls jealous
And I envy those girls
Those girls who think they are ugly but aren't
Those girls who think they will never find love when tons of guys are into them
Because they look nice and beautiful on the outside
But why
Why can't I be like them
All of my friends are like them
My friends aren't shallow but they are stunning
So why am I not
Why do I deserve to be punished and called undesirable
Why me
Why does this one guy have me so hung up on him
Why can't I just move on
Please just let me move on
I hate it how I can't stop thinking of him when he probably hasn't thought about me not once
Why can't it go back to normal
Maybe if he knew how depressed I was Or how suicidal I've been
Or how I cry myself to sleep almost everyday
Or how I almost lost my mother
And how my family is degrading towards me
Maybe then he would pity me
Consider me as a worthy person
Judge my appearance and say I'm not that bad
Why did society create a world like this Where looks matter more than what is beyond
Why do people care about my looks Why can't they just like me for me
Of course I'm only twelve
I shouldn't be remorseful towards him
I shouldn't be regretful that I broke it off I should feel free
But all I feel is trapped
Trapped inside of a dark black void I call my mind
Where all my thoughts revolve around him
Where I feel like if I wrote a five page essay it would just be his name on every page
Why do I feel this way
He was just using me
He liked other girls
Definitely not me though
Not me at all I was a puppet in his play I did what I was told to do and I made the occasional switch
I was happy where I was with him
We were more than just friends
I liked being more than just friends
Now he is just a stranger
Why did he become so distant
Maybe I hurt him
Maybe he was glad I broke it off
But why do I care
I shouldn't like him, I was being two timed and tricked
Because why would someone like me? The thing is, they wouldn't