It all went by in slow motion. She didn't know what was happening. She had closed her eyes tightly, awaiting death.
This is the end huh?
She could feel the tears in her eyes. She was never able to even live long enough to be proud of herself with what she had done. {Name} all this time had criticized herself in every aspect. She had always blamed herself for everything, she still did, which made this whole situation upsetting.
She would die thinking that she was the problem, and not what she really was.
The answer.
Of course she never thought that way about herself. Others did though. She would never agree with them, she didn't have the capability too. She lacked self esteem.
She closed her eyes tighter, not wanting to start crying. The only thing she could hear were a bunch of bangs and wails of pain.
Something must've gone wrong.
She clenched her fists and she felt her heart stop. Images flashed through her mind.
Is this what they mean by you life flashing before your eyes?
They weren't good images though.
She could see Maeko. Oh, how much she missed her. The fact that they weren't even blood related had messed her up, and she couldn't even accept that her father killed both her mother, and Maeko's. It was cruel.
{Name} felt a sting in her heart as she saw her little sister dead, on her lap. The tears in her eyes, the lifeless skin of Maeko, cold and pale. She couldn't take it, she could feel more emotions erupting quickly.
'Lay me under the stars.'
That promise. That promise. She could remember it like a distant memory, she forgot about it till now.
The dead face of her little sister had haunted {Name}'s dreams. She couldn't even think clearly, the only think she saw was her sister. Her sister could have survived.
If only {Name} has gotten there quick enough. If she got there, any faster, her sister would be beside her. Her sister would have been able to come to the surface, while alive. She was never able to do that.
{Name} could remember the talks she would have with Ace and Maeko. They would talk about their dreams often, and Maeko's was always about the surface. She always talked with enthusiasm about oceans and stars and the grass. {Name} didn't even know how she could have gotten the information about these so called 'oceans.' She had never heard of them herself.
Maeko was always happy when talking about going to the surface. Her innocent eyes would glow in excitement, even in the worst of situations, Maeko was always able to think positively. Always thinking about her dream.
Even while starving and stealing and living without parents, or a home they could go back to, she was always happy. {Name} would often be jealous of Maeko. Maeko was always the one who made the twins think positively.
Think about their dreams, their futures. Maeko gave them hope, without her, they would have never been able to move on after her death. Maeko taught them to always move on, always move on to the future. Run towards your dreams, she would say with the largest smile. Even with the dirt and scratches and scars covering her body, all the pain she experienced, she never forgot about her goals. About her siblings.
{Name} and Ace were eternally grateful for her. It was devastating to know that Maeko has died before she completed her dream.
Not all stories end happily, they had learned.
As the thoughts of Maeko go away, her brain automatically goes to Marco, the next one she lost. While Maeko was her 'sister' , Marco still held a deep place in her heart.
Marco was like Maeko, she had realized. He had dreams and was always positive. He always knew the right things to say her. She could remember the freckles that danced on his cheeks, his bright smile during training.
She can remember the one sentence that made her feel extremely close to him.
"You really are brave."
I couldn't admit it back then, but Marco was really the start of me opening up to other people around me. He made me feel confident enough to not worry about others, and then leaving me in the end.
But he left me anyway. He died and I could still remember the raw pain I felt when I found out. It hurt so much, I was going to be held back from the expedition, I had been that depressed.
Marco was the sun in my life that brightened up my day just by being there with me. With him now gone, it was hard to get by. I would always be upset.
Of course Jean was there, but Jean was mourning with me. We had no time to comfort each other until that one day I saw him crying.
Marco was important to both of us. I could still see his smile, his beautiful smile.
I missed him so much.
But now, I would be joining him. Joining him up above, with Maeko, and-
Thea.
{Name} still couldn't believe that Thea was dead. She had gotten close to the girl quickly and were like sisters.
Thea was one of those people that {Name} admired. She was beautiful, smart, athletic. She was the very greatness of a brave woman.
{Name} didn't know what to even think when she was killed. She didn't know if she was sadder over Thea's death than Marco's. What she knew for sure was that Thea's death was {Name}'s breaking point. Hell, she was sitting in a hospital bed for a majority of her time after the expedition.
And soon she was captured and placed in a spot where she couldn't move at all, and had to just let herself be tortured.
Thea was something special to not just {Name}, but Ace as well. Ace could never admit it to his sister, but he had fallen in love with Thea. Thea was the first person (beside {Name} and the others from the 104th) to love him.
At first it was just friendship that he thought would last for a while. When he had learned that Thea had feelings for him back, he wanted to live life beside her. He hadn't told his sister about it, but he and Thea had known about each other's feelings for a couple weeks before the expedition.
They didn't want to start dating, hell, they were in the Survey Corps, anything could've happened.
And that's exactly what did happen.
That day of the expedition, Ace and Thea had made a promise.
"Will we tell her when we come back from the expedition?"
Those were Thea's words. Thea deeply wanted {Name}'s approval of the two's mutual feelings. Thea cared a lot about {Name}'s opinion and approval.
That never happened though. They had promised, Ace had given her that purple flower. That was what {Name} saw.
{Name} didn't have any idea that Ace and Thea wanted her approval. She didn't even know that they had mutual feelings, she just assumed that Ace had feelings that he hadn't yet expressed to Thea yet.
When Thea died, all of his daydreams about living the rest of his life with Thea right next to him, had disappeared.
She disappeared from his life so quickly that he never did say goodbye. He just watched her to go, escape from his grasp at that second.
Ace had lost something dear to him that day. He was so depressed, but never showed it to {Name}, especially since she was practically recovering from her injuries. She had way more happened to her than Ace, but Ace couldn't help and feel like he had it worse.
I mean in some situations, you could see it as his was worse. While Ace didn't want to admit it, he was jealous that {Name} had Jean and Eren. While Eren was close with Ace as well, they weren't as close as Eren with {Name}. From what Ace observed, {Name} was also close with the corporal.
Once again, Ace was jealous of his sister. He hated how jealous he could be, but all he wanted was to feel happy again. All this pain and heartbreak made him broken inside.
Ace had earlier on been able to untie the ropes of the restraints. He might have chipped a tooth, but it was fine.
Ace didn't do anything though. He could feel the stinging in his heart from all the pain.
{Name} has tears in her eyes. All the bad memories had come back to her and she didn't know how to react. She was still closing her eyes and didn't even know what was happening.
She didn't care about anything else right now.
It was just her, and Ace, in their small world of sadness and heartbreak.
