Elena
On Friday morning, I woke up hating the world slightly less than usual. Maybe it was because Mom ended up spending the night at work, or cause I got to eat my favorite cereal for dinner. I don’t know. I just thought that today, I would do my best to ignore everything that anyone says. I decided to dress in a black midi skirt, white crop top, and a red and black kimono with roses on it. It was one of the outfits I bought during my last shopping trip with Dad, and I wanted to remember him today. I hoped he was doing good. I slipped on my usual black Converse and fishtail braided my hair. I felt kind of confident today. I don’t know why. I ate a quick granola bar, when I usually skip breakfast, and then headed out the door.
Once I reached school, I slowly and awkwardly walked up the front steps to sit on the ledge by the door. This way I could watch people without them seeing me. I slipped on my sunglasses, and all was fine until Janie decided to show up.
“You really think that outfit looks good?” she asked condescendingly.
I rolled my eyes, but then remembered she couldn’t see them. Instead, I said nothing. I knew doing this would only make her angrier though.
“Bitch, I’m talking to you, you gonna answer? Or are you just going to sit there and pretend, like you do everything else?” Janie spat.
This might have been confusing to others, but I knew exactly what Janie was referring to. I had tried my best to forget it. With all the other shit going on in my life, I didn’t need a reminder. But I had to try and tell her again.
I stood up and faced her, my sunglasses off and in my bag now. She looked at me with her piercing blue eyes and thin, frowning lips. She emulated hatred.
“I wasn’t pretending anything, I told you that,” I said. By now, other people, including Calum, had arrived, and they were all watching, waiting intently to see if anything would happen.
“And I’ll never believe you, I told you that,” she responded, crossing her arms and glaring at me.
“Janie-” Calum started.
“Stop it Calum! You don’t know about this, so just shut up,” she snapped, not looking at him. Calum retreated, looking hurt and confused. There was a few more seconds of silence, until the bell rang. I never thought that I would be happy to hear the sound of the school bell.
Janie walked closer to me, until she was just a few inches away from my face. She continued to glare at me.
“Lie all you want. Either way, you’ll still be a pathetic freak, bitch,” she spat, and walked away, her posse following her. Calum looked at me, and I glanced at him before hurrying into the building.
I quickly went to English and kept my head down on my desk, hoping Calum would take the hint. This day was already ruined. I felt the familiar pre nine-in-the-morning drowsiness take over, and just as I closed my eyes, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I considered ignoring it and continuing to wander off into the world of unconsciousness, but I sat up and looked at Calum.
“What was that with Janie back there?” he asked.
“Janie and I have a long history, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to act concerned about it,” I snapped, and put my head back down.
I had probably pissed Calum off again, but I didn’t really care right now. It’s not like we’re friends. I spent the rest of English class sleeping, and I didn’t get into trouble for it, probably because Ms. Brown was still apprehensive around me. At lunch time, I sat at my usual end of the only table in the school that doesn’t welcome me, but doesn’t constantly glare at me either. Oh, and I changed into a spare pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt I found in my locker. I didn’t have the energy anymore to try and look nice. It’s school, after all, nobody cares. They especially don’t care about me.
After school, I followed Calum’s plan to meet him outside the main entrance. The sun glared at me, giving me a headache. I hoped Calum would show up soon. And then, he did. But he was with his buddy Derek, who hates me just because he wants to get into Janie’s pants. Calum said something to Derek, who said something in return, and then Derek quickly left, Calum looking a little annoyed. I waited for him to reach me before saying anything.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“Derek is just being an ass, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to act concerned about it,” he snapped, frowning at me.
“Sorry,” I said, putting my hands up as we walked towards his house.
“I wanted to see if Derek would be willing to give us a ride to my house. Naturally, he refused to drive you anywhere,” Calum admitted after a few minutes of awkward silence.
“Well, if this makes you feel better, I don’t want to be driven anywhere by him. I’d rather walk,” I said. He smiled without happiness.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Calum, don’t apologize. We both agreed that we’re just project partners. There’s no strings attached to that,” I said.
“But...would it make you feel better if I said I’m trying to be a better person?” he asked, squinting his eyes at the sun as we walked, our hands briefly touching.
“Well...yes. But would it make you feel better if you knew that I don’t give a shit about that anymore?” I asked.
“So you’re saying you’re okay with me acting one way towards you, and then a completely different way around my friends, being a complete ass?” he asked, sounding confused. This time, I smiled without happiness.
“I didn’t say I was okay with it, I said I don’t give a shit”.
-
We were in Calum’s living room, watching a movie on his flat screen that he told me he was very excited about because it took him several months’ worth of doing extra chores to get his mom to buy it. And in the end, he didn’t even want it for himself, he wanted it for his family. Maybe there is something redeeming about him. I’m not saying he was all bad to begin with. But maybe there is room to be better.
We argued over what to watch, but finally agreed on something, and now we were sharing a bowl of popcorn like the best friends that we’re not. I do have to admit, after years of solitude, this was nice, even if we weren’t friends. I actually focused on the movie instead of the ever growing desire to cut. When it was over, we finished the popcorn and sat in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. Finally, while Calum took the bowl from me and went to go wash it, he spoke up.
“So uh...how do you think phase one of this project is going?” he asked.
“I think it’s going pretty good. Maybe next time we can actually work on something, like on paper,” I smiled slightly.
“That would be great,” he laughed, sitting down next to me.
“Do you...want to start it now?” I asked.
“No, I think we can save it for later. But I do want to ask you something,” he said.
“Shoot”.
“Did you really mean what you said in that poem of yours?” he asked.
I looked down, my stomach jolting. The thing is, I don’t know. I don’t think I want to die. But maybe if it finally shows people how crappy they’ve treated me, then I guess I wouldn’t care if it happened. It’s never really been on my mind before. The only thing I care about is letting the pain out. And right now, I really want to go home so I can do just that.
-
oooo, what do ya think went down between Janie and Elena?? maybe it's what caused Janie to hate her so much?? You'll find out later on in life. :P I was gonna try to make this chapter longer, but i keep crying because i just watched TVD, and stefan is dead (SPOILER), and i know he's obviously gonna come back, but still. And then with Delena, they just need to stop whatever they're doing and get their shit together. ANYWAY, Happy Friday lovelies, hope you like the chapter! xx
