Unexpected || lh

Chapter 15

I was confused.

Back when I was in 4th grade, there had been this huge, end of the school year pool party that everyone was invited to. I remember being estatic for it, planning weeks in advance what I was going to wear and counting down the days until the party. I had everything planned out, I had picked the perfect outfit and perfect swimsuit, which looking back now was horrendous, but to my 4th grade mind it was absolutely perfect with its bright pink fabric and white polka dots. The reason I had made such a huge deal of this party was because I had a huge crush on this boy, his name was Joel, and I was determined to make an impression.

I rememeber pulling up to the party, and I was bouncing off the walls of the car, my mom reprimanding me for not sitting still. I barreled out of the car, and sprinted to the door, knocking somewhat impatientally. The door swung open, and I don't remember if I had said hi or not to the person who had opened the door, but my young, 10 year old mind was too excited to be pestered with pety things like saying hello to the person at the door. I walked outside, and instantly, I spotted Joel from across the pool. He was my first actual crush, I remember it very clearly. And, he was also my first hearbreak, for I saw, right in front of me, him kissing a girl on the cheek. Now I was in 4th grade, and it was a little baby peck, but that had crushed me. I had clenched my tiny little fists, and I know that if he hadn't been standing across the pool from me, I'm sure I would've pushed him into the pool. I stomped angrily over to my friends who were sitting by the pool, and that little girl who had been with Joel walked over to me, and told me:

"That's a terrible swimsuit.," and walked away with her nose high in the air, sauntering back to Joel in the way a sassy 10 year old would. To most 10 year olds, that would have been the worst insult imaginable. They would've cried, told their mother, and it would've been a huge scandal. But not me, I decided right then and there that I would not be pushed around by anyone, and I got over her sassiness and Joel just like that. Later, that girl's suit ripped, so joke was on her anyways. I didn't let this little girl get to me, and I didn't let a stupid little crush get to me either.

The whole point of the story is this: Even when I was a small little 10 year old, I knew how to build a bridge, and get the fuck over it.

Which is why I was confused. It has been two weeks since I had served detention, two whole weeks, and Luke's words still kept replaying themselves in my mind, over and over again, each time hurt me worse than the last.

And I was so freaking confused.

I felt like I didn't understand anything. I didn't understand why it still bothered me. I didn't even understand why it hurt me in the first place. Luke and I had never been friends, in fact, we were quite the opposite. I hated him, and he hated me. And yet, Luke had managed to do what no one has ever really done before. He had hurt me, crumpled me up, and tossed me aside like a useless piece of paper. And I didn't for the life of me understand why I cared so much.

After Luke told me that we would never be friends, we walked back to the school in complete silence. I shuffled behind him, too pissed off and boiling with hurt and anger to even try to speak to him again. We had finally made it to the school, and Luke had been right, Mr. Francis hadn't come back until the last 20 minutes of detention, which gave my hair plenty of time to dry, and it looked like we had never left the room. As soon as we were dismissed, I didn't have the chance to even speak to Luke even if I had wanted to, he practically bolted out of the room, never even looking back.

Since then, Luke and I have not spoken to each other, not even once. During lunch, Luke would either not be there, or he would be conversing with someone else, while I talked to Ashton. Ashton definitely helped, whenever I talked to him, it was as if I was completely enthralled in him, the world around me blurring out for just a couple of moments. His easy going personality and dazzling smile distracted me from everything else, and I was only focused on him. But, as soon as Ashton left, my mind would instanatly go back to Luke and what had happened back there during detention. From the beginning, I had been unwillingly sucked in by Luke, and it seemed like the more he hurt me and the more I tried to push away, the stronger the force drawing me to him would get. I hadn't told anyone about what happened in detention. Not Ashton, not Calum, not Michael, not even Andrea. As far as they were concerned, I served 3 hours of doing absolutelty nothing. But I knew that was simply not true. There would be many moments when I would pass Luke in the halls, but as soon as either one of us made eye contact, we quickly looked away, but the ghost of his presence followed me. It was worse than the way he had been treating me before detention. I tried to avoid him at absolutely all costs, which wasn't too hard considering he was almost never at school to begin with.