Himitsu (Book One of the Kakureta Hana series)

XI: Ju Ichi

The silence has become stifling, but I cannot seem to force words past my swollen lips.  The letter must be the reason why our traitor suspects that there is something not quite right about the lord of the Amachi clan.

"I did not tell Sakura about the letter," I start, "because I had not thought about it until this moment when you brought it up.  The only reason I know about the letter is due to the fact that I overheard our fathers talking about it days before they marched off to their deaths.

"I know not the contents of the letter, only that they deal with Sakura in some way.  That is all I know, Yamane Osamu.  I wish now that I had had the courage to have taken it from among Taro's possessions, but I believe it too late for that step at the moment."

Osamu nods, a contemplative look in his sightless eyes.  "Very good, general.  You have answered well despite your initial hesitation.  Lord Amachi Junichi, what did the shinobi tell you when you first awoke in their care?"

"Which one?" he fires back almost immediately, none of the silence prologuing Rika's and my answers touching his.

"Whichever you would like to state."

Tadashi's face becomes hard with some unspoken emotion.  "Emi told me that if I chose to take the path that I am currently on, I must be willing to make sacrifices later on.  If this is your way of making me want to return to my previous life, I can assure you, Osamu, that it is no longer a possibility for me.  My life has become intertwined with Rika's in a way that I cannot easily untangle."

"She," he says, raising Rika's hand, "is my entire life now.  When we are wed, she shall be my flesh, my blood, my love, my life.  You have continually made the point that you do not believe that this is the right path for me because of something that Masumo, Emi, and you will not tell me.  If my actions ensure that I can spend a lifetime with Rika and that Sakura is free from the burdens which have been with her from her birth, then I will consider my path correct."

Osamu settles back into his chair, eyes focused on something beyond what any of us could see.  "To tell you what may happen at the end of this path could alter the course of your history, Junichi.  That is why none of us will tell you the ending.  Emi believes that this path is correct based on how she feels about love and justice.  I disagree heavily with her, but I fear that it is too late to redirect you.  Too many people have committed, and you have refused to divert."

His head moves toward Sakura, whose back is stiff as a board.  I run a light hand across her spine, feeling the tension of anticipation rippling beneath her skin.  "Now for you, Sakura.  Have you forgiven your father for what he did to you?"

Her shoulders relax for a moment when the words leave his mouth.  "I have tried over and over again to forgive my father for everything that he did; however, I find that it is a continuous process.  The moment that I think that I have broken free from the cycle of bitterness that I have been trapped in, I find that there is one more thing that I need to let go of.  So, no, I have not forgiven my father in the way that you are likely talking. 

"I have yet to let go of all the pain that he caused me, every moment that I felt unloved for the mere fact that I had been born female and not male.  It is the power that he still manages to hold over me, and I fear that I will hate that fact for the rest of my life."

Sakura turns her head to look at me.  "I used to look at those who were training with me and wonder what I had done so wrong besides being born the wrong gender.  I had done everything that I could possibly do to earn my father's respect, yet it never seemed to be within my grasp."

"You had all answered honestly, and I thank you for that.  That fact tells me more about your character than the answers that you have given.  Despite my doubts, as Junichi has pointed out, I believe that Emi has done the right thing in directing your paths towards one another," Osamu says as he stands and politely bows.  "It would be my honor to perform the ceremony which will join your lives together."