Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 63

Katniss

Today I realize that I am not the only very, very broken. I hadn't realize how bad the Capitol damaged Peeta, but now I do. I can see the pain in his eyes now when I try and help him. I know I hate it when I get help. But now I also know that I need to protect him. We need each other. I can see it now. I see everything now. "Katniss, you should go," he says. I scowl.

"Peeta, I'm not having this discussion again. I told you there's nothing you can do to get me to leave you, okay?" I say, maybe a little too harshly.

"Why? Why do you insist on trying to help me? I don't need help!"

"Because I know what it feels like to be alone. Before I met you, I was. And when Prim died and we weren't talking, I understood how horrible it was," I say, tears threatening to spill over.

"What if I hurt you again?" he whispers softly, trying to stop me from crying.

"I'm not going to let that happen," I say, sounding more strong and confident this time.

"How? By stopping me? No. I'm too strong for you. Especially when I'm like that. You don't understand how I feel when I realize what I did!"

"Really? Because when you were in the Capitol, I convinced myself it was my fault. It was!"

"No, it wasn't. You couldn't have stopped it," he says.

"But I could have tried. Maybe I could have gotten you out okay."

"It was either me or stopping the Games. You did the right thing."

"Sending you there? That's the right thing?" I ask. My heart rate is racing now. I don't want to yell at him but I can't live like this. I can't keep going if he's going to send me away every time he gets a flashback. "We can get through this together." I crawl towards him on the bed and press my forehead to his, so our noses are just barely touching. "I promise."

Peeta closes his eyes and sighs. "What if next time you aren't so lucky? What if I really do choke you to death or do something even worse."

"It'll be okay. Just don't think of it. Maybe you can somehow control it that way," I suggest doubtfully. He nods and sighs. "Peeta, why can't this all just be over?"

"The Games?"

"No. Everything. I wish that the world would just get hit by a huge meteor and wipe everyone out. Then maybe someday new people will get here and start a better world," I say. I know, of course, that it will never happen.

"Yeah, but then I'd never get to see you," he say, a tiny hint of smile on his face. I blink and force myself to smile. I hate sappy, cheesy things like that but for Peeta's sake, I have to smile. I lean back on the bed and trace patterns with my fingers on the bedspread. "I have an idea. Why don't we get out of here?"

"We can't. We have to stay in the Capitol until the Games are over," I say, shaking my head.

"We don't have to leave the Capitol. Just out of this building."

"Will they let us? I mean, Snow's people just. . ." I trail off, my mind suddenly thinking about Ruth. How I went completely mute and now I hadn't even thought of her. I know I love Peeta more, as selfish that is to say since she's dead. But I guess she was, and always will be, lurking in the back of my mind.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get to live normally. Live with Peeta back in 12. I could go out and hunt and he can maybe rebuild a bakery or volunteer to build the District. I can bring home some game some days, give most of it to poor citizens. I can go to the Hob and buy Haymitch alcohol. He could be our annoying neighbor. I surprise myself with thinking that I'd want him as a neighbor. But he has always helped me and continues to do so everyday. He protects me, just like Peeta. We only had each other through the period when Peeta was in the Capitol. He's almost like a crazy uncle, maybe even father, to me.

"I don't care about them," Peeta says. He wipes away a tear I didn't know was on my cheek with his thumb.

"Okay," I say. We kiss each other once more before standing up from the bed. He hugs me and I hugged back, hoping I will never have to let go.

Sorry I haven't updated in like a week. Stupid school gets in the way :-/ But anyway, the school year ends in about two weeks I think...? Mine does at least. I can't wait for summer. This will be my first summer on Wattpad! Well, I started last August so technically it's not but anyway; I hope you liked it!