Blood On Her Hands

Pain

{AN- Hey y'all! I'm back- sorry for the long wait! Here's a long one as an apology- plus I have the next few already ready to go! Like, Comment, Vote & tell your friends! Love y'all, Red}

I’m running again, this time towards Brax. I can see him, he has his back to me, but I can’t quite reach him. I run harder, working the muscles in my legs to the brink of exhaustion. It seems the farther I run, the farther away he gets. Finally, when I think I’m almost there, I cry out for him. He turns, and as soon as his eyes meet mine, he shatters into a thousand pieces, like the glass window that destroyed him. I wake in a cold sweat, breathing hard.

Rolling out of bed and throwing on a sweatshirt, I head for the hospital wing. When I get there, Dr. Jason sees me and comes running to meet me, blocking my entrance.

“Arie, I can’t let you go in,” the doctor says, solemnly.

I stare at him in astonishment, “What? Excuse me? Why not? What’s happened? What did you do?!” I try to push past him, and he barely moves.

“Arie, just listen to me! You don’t want to see this! There isn’t anything else I can do! I tried,” he says, “His wounds are too extreme- none of us expected this,” Dr. Jason looks so helpless.

“Let me see him,” I insist, and the doctor gives up, letting me pass. I rush into the ward, but upon seeing the sterile white curtain pulled around his bed, I stop short. What if he’s dead? What if that’s why Jason didn’t want me to come in? The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind until now. I begin to walk to the bed, but it’s like walking through a fog. Reaching for the curtain, I almost turn back, no longer wanting to see a body. But then I hear a cough. A gurgled choke, followed by a gasping for air, and I sling back the sheet. And there he sits, choking on air, spitting blood into a bucket. He sees me and gestures for water, unable to get enough air to speak. I scramble to help him, yelling for a nurse. One rushes in, rushing me out. She draws the curtain again, and a moment later the choking subsides. She exits the room and we are left alone again.

Brax just stares at me, and for the first time, the life and spirit in his blue eyes seems dull, “Arie, I need you to go.”

“What?! No! No, I won’t leave you again- not after what happened last time! I left you once, and now here we are!”

 He just takes a breath and speaks again, “There isn’t any hope now, not anymore, the damage is too extensive, and I can’t bear for you to see me like this, not when I know it’s the end.” I can’t believe it. Brax is giving up.

After Brax’s confession, Dr. Jason pulled me back out. “Arie, there is only one thing we can do for him now, and it’s still a long shot,” he says. I look up, “Yes? What is it? A long shot is better than no shot!”

The doctor just watches me, “We can put him into a medically-induced coma, and try to ride it out. We can slow everything down, to give his body more time to heal on its own, but there still isn’t any guarantee, he may be too far gone already.”

I turn this idea over in my mind, “Okay let’s do it.” My mind is made.

“Alright, I’ll let you tell him, and you can decide when we’ll do it, but I warn you, the longer we wait, the worse his chances are.” I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. I go back into the ward to break the news to him.

When I reach his bedside, he is staring at me with vacant eyes. Taking his hand, I take a moment to examine him. Other than his skin color and eyes, he doesn’t look like he’s dying. He just looks like Brax after a fight. Slightly worn and simply tired. He gazes at me and says, “I’m dying, aren’t I?” He doesn’t sound shocked or angry or upset, but rather as if he’s accepted it, as if it’s just going to be another day. He says it as if death is just a part of life, and I guess it is, but it can’t be. This can’t happen. Not to him, not to us. I had expected him to be injured, but not this. Never this. I sit at his side for a while after that. I can’t bear to tell him yet, so I just sit there, telling him all sorts of stories, trying to lighten the mood. I tell him what we’ll do when he’s healed, where we’ll go, what we’ll see. We will no longer take our lives granted. We reminisce in tales from before, in the things we did.

Awhile later, the doctor sticks his head back in, “Arie, we need to begin.” I nod, feeling numb. Looking back to Brax, I just take a second to relish in the sight of him. It’s time to tell him.

“Brax, there is something I need to tell you,” I begin. Deep breath, I tell myself. “There is a way to save you, but it’s not guaranteed,” I say, gauging his reaction!

“Okay, well then tell me,” he says, but he doesn’t sound convinced.

“Dr. Jason can put you into an induced coma, and we can wait for your body to heal itself, but you may never wake up.”

He seems to be considering his options, thinking hard. “No,” he says, and I immediately jump in.

“What? No?! Why not? This is only chance! Otherwise I’ll lose you!” I’m getting hysterical again.

“Arie, shh, shh, it’s okay. Calm down and listen to me,” Brax tells me, and I instantly start to relax, but not by much. “I don’t think I’ll wake up from a coma, and I want to be here fully, with you, for whatever time I may have left. I just want to look at you, and hold you, and just be with you! I don’t want to die not getting to see you!” he finishes.

I can’t help it, the tears start rolling down my face. I lean over and press my lips to his, sliding up on the bed next to him. He doesn’t protest, slipping his hands into my hair, pulling me tighter against him. I break away from him long enough to breathe, “Please…”

He stops and leans back, “What? You still want me to do it?”

“Yes, I do. You may not want to die without me, but I sure don’t intend to let you leave me. Ever.”

“No, Arie, I don’t want it, leave me be,” He says sternly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You know what? Fine! But I won’t be here to watch you die!” And with that, I turn and run from the room, sobbing uncontrollably.

I can’t let him do this, I won’t let him. I have to do something, but what? Gradually an idea forms in my head, but can I go through with it? Can I really do that to him? Of course, the voice in my head says, you’d do anything for his safety.

{AN-Well? was it worth the wait? tell me what you think- like, comment & vote!}