Saved In The A.M.

1-Drag Me Down

Hi! This chapter is pretty much an intro and explaining how everything starts, enjoy so much xx
- All the love xo

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So I should probably start this off by talking a bit about myself so you understand who I am and why I do what I do. Well, my names Louis Tomlinson and as you may know, I'm in the worlds most famous boy band, One Direction. I actually hate the word famous because it takes out all substance a person has in them, when people remember them they don't remember them like "oh they were such a nice person" or "they cared a lot for their family" they remember them like "oh he was famous!", Harry taught me that.

Don't get me wrong, I fucking love being in this band AND the boys who are on this journey with me, Harry, Niall and Liam, but unfortunately Zayn left us a few months ago with no reason. Anyway, it's clear to everyone that I'm the least talented, the least attractive and the least popular because that's what all magazines, interviewers and fans say and probably other sources too. I don't know why I was even put in the band because it's obvious they don't need me here.

When I'm on stage I have so much adrenaline and the sky's the limit, I can't get enough of being up there. But... as soon as I come off, reality hits me like a wrecking ball, hard, crippling and all at once. We just finished playing Melbourne, Australia which was the 3rd last show of the Asian leg of the tour and the 2015 tour all together, management is giving us a month off until the last 2 shows in Tokyo, Japan to give us some time for vocal rest, relaxation and to get some song writing done.

After every show I go to twitter to see all the nasty things fans are saying about me which is exactly what I'm doing right now , like "has any one else noticed that Louis has put on a bit of weight, why hasn't management managed that, what a fat pig!!" And "honestly Louis should just leave the band, he's a terrible singer lol". I know I shouldn't let these things get to me especially with all the lovely things other fans are saying but no matter what I can never seem to shake it which is why I decided to actually do something about it and go on a diet which I've been on for the last 2 weeks.

Oh, I am also deathly in love with Harry, but he doesn't know, he's so beautiful, the way he runs his fingers through his hair brushing it out of his face, his angelic voice and his developing sense of style that I could never pull off. He's bi and I'm gay but no one knows that, but even if he did, he would never go for me because I'm disgusting right? Tears start to well up in my eyes as I continue reading through hate and think about how I'll never be good enough when my train of thought is interrupted.

"Hey mate!" Liam says enthusiastically while pulling the curtain back to the tiny bunk I reside in while we're on the tour bus which startles me causing me to jump.
"Jesus Liam you can't just tear back the curtain like that, what if I was I dunno getting changed or sleeping for God's sake!" I say with a raised voice as I shove my phone under my pillow immediately regretting how I spoke.
"Wow I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you" he apologises.
I rub my eyes in an effort to hide the almost fallen tears but Liam notices.
"What's the matter lad?" Liam questions me.
"Nothing, I just have an eyelash in my eye"
"Both of them?"
"You wouldn't believe my luck!" I laugh trying to fool him, he's skeptical but still buys it.
"Okay well listen, the boys were wondering what you wanted for tea" he asks me kindly.
I panic at the thought of having to eat since I've only been allowing myself a maximum of 500 calories a day and I'm already at 457 so I try to think of an excuse as to why I can't eat.
"Listen I'm really tired after the show tonight so I think I'm just gonna go to sleep"
He gives me a questioning look but accepts it. "Okay well did you want us to get you anything for when you wake up?" Liam questions me as he gets out from my bunk.
"No thanks I'll just find something in the fridge when I get hungry but thanks anyways mate" I reply trying to brush him off.
He nods as he closes the curtain before walking away.

I take my phone back out and continue scrolling through hate as silent tears cascade down my cheeks forming a dark grey patch on my light grey t-shirt where the tears hit it. I lay down listening to the laughter of the boys wondering how they're so happy and why I can't be too as I eventually drift off into unconsciousness.

I wake up a mess, sweaty, hot, panting and alarmed from a dream I just had where I was on stage and was singing my solo in Girl Almighty when the crowd starts booing and the boys are laughing at me as I sink to the floor feeling the weight of all expectations pushing me down. I check my phone and see it's 3:47am and decide to get up and get a bottle of water to cool me back down but when I go get it I'm surprised to see Harry sitting on the couch.

"Harry-" I whisper in an effort not to wake the others but as he looks up from his phone his blank expression quickly changes to shocked as he cuts me off.
"Jesus Lou you look like you've seen a ghost"
"Yeah I just had a nightmare"
"Another one!? I thought they stopped!" He whispers a bit louder, concern laced in his voice.
"Yeah apparently not but um, don't worry about it okay, it wasn't serious" I say trying to reassure him, not wanting to alarm him.
"What are you doing up this late anyway?" I question him.
"Uhm, I just can't sleep I guess" he says avoiding direct eye contact and I can tell there's something wrong.
"What's the matter Haz?" I ask worriedly while admiring the way his long hair falls lusciously on his shoulders, the way his green eyes still seem to sparkle even in the dark and the way his lips, that I can only imagine are soft and smooth and delicate, move as he speaks.
"Literally nothing I'm just still buzzing from the show and I can't wait to continue in Japan"
"Okaaaay" I say not completely believing him but also not really given a leg to stand on to argue it. So I decide to grab that water and head back to my bunk when Harry calls me.
"Hey Louis?"
"Yeah love?"
"You know you can always talk to me about anything right?"
"Yeah of course" I say cautiously.
"Okay well uhm good night"
"Sleep well Haz" I reply walking to the back of the tour bus to go back to sleep.

I lay down in my bed wondering why in the world he would tell me that. Everything I been been doing I've been keeping a secret and been keeping it well. And I've only been on this diet for 2 weeks so I wouldn't have lost any where near enough weight yet for anyone to notice, as well as all that I've made sure to act the same. I go over the situation in head continuously till I fall asleep again however never thinking of an answer to my question.
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Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! There will be smut in this story so get keen
- All the love xo