dear dad

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I shouldn't be the one
that has to wonder when you come home
the one who has to spend their birthday alone
sure you may be there
but are you really there?
a translucent ghost I don't know anymore
and I'm kind of glad
you're so high on a cloud of a sense of false euphoria
you don't know that you can't see me anymore
too high for your own
too low for me
your ambitions don't ever come close to what I can be
so what should I do?
what's the point in even asking you?
your life is lie
lived up until this very moment
will you fall over the climax finally
Or are you going to fall back down the stairs of repeated action
I don't want to be seen with you now
not when you embarrass me like this
I want how I seem to resemble what you are
but no
you never got farther than your father
counted off the days in jail like they were just a joke
you don't know reality from fiction
sanity from serendipity
I know everybody has a thing but....
yours is without reason
eating out and selling out are two totally different things
don't want to look you in the eye anymore from the things that you said
those bottles got you, right?
or am I in a sense of false security?
all my insecurities you just got to point them out don't you
never ask what's wrong
just assume I have an attitude
but we are on two completely different altitudes
I trying to explain this shit to you
but you don't catch on
nobody ever does
can't look into the sky without seeing mourning doves
what the point....
in playing if you never watching
say that your proud but I wasn't even talking about a game...why?
I have my life plans
you act like you're bound in chains by me
an excuse to feel sorry for you
I refuse to feel sympathy
cause common sense is different
from contemplation
satisfaction for the wrong reasons
why do you talk to her so much when she is a million miles away
and I'm there, breathing, alive,
right in front of your face
but like you said
I'll keep crawling back
just like my mom
why would I keep the loop going
when I can just end it all?
maybe the next life will end me
all my insecurities leaving me
my curiosity finally snuffing out the candle
I can't handle the fact that I'm so far gone
lost in my own thoughts
asking myself why I'm here
but you take another swing of that beer
that's all that matters.....right?
why should I continue....?

i don't want to end up like you.

Love you dad.

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