This is a journal about my life as a therian, along with some paranormal stuff, because apparently that's becoming a really big, annoying thing that I want to write about. Also probably some rants and unrelated stuff... yeah mostly that actually but...
Hey there friends, it's Astel. And I am not a human.
I'm not. My body might look like the body of a human, but aside from that, I am not a human. I don't know what I am yet, but it walks on four legs instead of two, and it lives in the forest. And it is not a human.
I found a place in the woods. It's a tree that's fallen down over some rocks on a slope. In the space between the tree and those rocks is a small, almost cave-like area. It's got a rock a bit higher up than the rest where an alpha could sit, and another rock that is set a little off to the side. There is a flat, leaf-covered area in the center and two exits/entrances. One of them is up by the alpha rock, and leads up to the roots of the fallen tree and this massive rock that it was growing behind. The other one is near the leafy area and is a low dip int he ground. I can't explain it well, but it's right. It is where I am supposed to be.
It is my home. I went there and I saw it from a little ways off and I felt my ears prick up. I was interested, so I went over. And I saw it. A little place. A den. A home.
My home.
I went inside and crawled around. I went in the lower entrance on all fours. That was the first time I let myself walk on all fours outside. I sat up on the alpha rock and laid down in some ferns. I climbed out of the alpha exit and ran up onto the big rock on all fours. Then I ran around the forest, switching between running on all fours and walking clumsily on two legs. Then I went back to the den and I knew in my heart that this was where I was going to be centered from now on. This den was now my home, and my soul had realized it.
Then I heard noises. A car driving down a far-off neighbor's driveway. A chainsaw starting up a ways off. Human noises. They were so foreign to me somehow.
I freaked out and ran back to my parent's house, and then stopped in the woods outside of it. I was about thirty feet away.
And it hit me.
I'm not a human.
I stared at the house and it looked so out of place in the forest. It isn't supposed to be here, this is wrong, and I couldn't go back in. But I did.
And now I'm here.
In this house.
That isn't my home anymore.
...*sigh*
My dogs freaked out when I came back. It's almost as if they can sense that I am not a human.
So... yeah. I'm not sure what's going on. I feel a bit better now. Before, I literally couldn't walk on all fours. I can now, but it feels weird. My reflection looks wrong too. It's not me. It's really not.
That was my awakening. I am positive of it.
Most people stumble across therianthropy and realize that oh yeah, this is them, and they just didn't have a term for it before. That's not the case with me. I am not a human. I'm not sure how, but I somehow wasn't aware of it before, and now I am, and every human thing feels strange.
On a lighter note, I drank a bowl of orange juice earlier. Yes. A Bowl. Like a dog would drink.
I got a lot of juice on my bed, but it's worth it.
*sigh* This human body is horrid.
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These are my mittens. The reason they have dirt all over them is because I wore these when I was outside.
I also found this thick, impenetrable wall of thorns. I was walking around on my neighbor's property, and I saw light above some trees. I thought it was another neighbor's house, so I went to check and I found it. I actually took a picture but apparently wattpad doesn't want to load any more pictures today so I can't show you guys. Anyways, if any of you have read May Bird, it's kinda like that.
Basically, I had to crouch down on all fours to get under the first few thorny branches, and after that, I gave up. This was before I found my den and stuff, of course.
I don't know. I've never seen this place before, or the den, so maybe it means something. Since I had to crouch down to get in, maybe it means that I have to fully embrace my spirit to get inside. Maybe I have to truly "be" an animal. I don't mean physical shifting; we all know that's impossible. I mean like... be myself. Let myself really sink into my theriotype.
I've had a weird day. Let's leave it at that.
If any of you guys have any ideas what is going on, please tell me. I think I had/am currently having an intense mental shift, but it might be something more. I still feel like all of this means something... but maybe not.
Have a nice day guys. Happy howling and blessed be.
