Who would know?

5 - A Happy Place?

Who would know?

That when I zone out the place I go isn't a happy one. It's dark. Filled with monsters that leave me with an eerie feeling. Monsters that live in every corner, crack , and crevice. Monsters that ooze images of awful things, shoving terrible thoughts into my head. Thoughts I've pushed away multiple times. Only for them creep right back even more disturbing than before.

A teacher asked me recently " Is the place you go a nice one?" As I zoned out in her class. Hell I wish it was. Oh how I would love for my mind to be filled to the brim with rainbows and unicorns. Sadly it's the ladder. Instead I'm left with darkness. A darkness that grows day by day.

The more I brush this darkness off the worse my thoughts get. Just sifting through my own thoughts can turn my smile into a frown as quick as flicking a switch. My smile fading as endless images of horrible things flash through my head.

Horrendous thoughts? I shouldn't be having those.

I mean who would think that the girl with an endless supply of puns built up also has images of death flashing through her head every day.

In a Fiery car crash? Maybe.

Drowning? By chance.

By suffocation? Possibly.

Murder even? Might be cool... did I say cool? I meant a foul way to die.

My mind a never ending slideshow of complete horror, my imagination coming up with new ways of dying each vastly different from the last.

How? Maybe I'll get hit by an ambulance.

Or a plane will fall out of the sky killing me instantly.

Better yet I could get mauled... by a polar bear.

Or perhaps suicide...