Some Depressing Phan Story

Tear You Out

POV: Phil

I sat staring at the picture on my nightstand. When things were better. When there wasn't any anger or sadness or pain. When there was love and happiness. When it was the calm before the storm. I don't blame anyone else but myself for the storm even happening. Dan and I went out just to get some ice cream and sit at the park. Of course after smearing ice cream all over each other, we had our first kiss. And of course there was a fan recording. And of course they had to post it on Tumblr. I wasn't the one who found out about the video. It was Dan.

~flashback to last week~

"PHIL I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS IN HERE" I heard Dan yelling for me. I was in the middle of recording so I paused the camera and went to the lounge where Dan was sitting.

"Why are you yelling I'm in the middle of-" I trailed off seeing Dan pale (well paler than usual.)

"Dan what's wrong?" I asked sitting next to him. He just turned his computer to me. The page was open to Tumblr and there was a video. I looked at the thumbnail and could feel the blood drain from my face. It was us in the park yesterday. Slowly I moved the mouse to play the video. It started off with us laughing, covered in ice cream, and then you see us lean close to each other and then kiss. The girl recording whispered an "Oh my god!". It ended there and I was frozen. I felt sick. I felt disgusted. This person may have been part of the Phandom but everyone knows (no matter who it is) celebrities/youtubers don't appreciate getting a picture or video sneakily taken of them. And I understood how that felt. Because this person did not respect my privacy nor did they respect Dan's.

"How could we have let this happen. We agreed that we wouldn't tell the fans until we are ready!" Dan started to get angrier and louder with each word.

"Dan I'm sorry-" I tried to talk but he wouldn't let me.

"AN 'I'M SORRY' CAN'T FIX THIS MESS. THINK ABOUT OUR FRIENDS. OUR FAMILY. MY FAMILY IS HOMOPHOBIC AND YOU KNOW THIS. I WAS GOING TO TELL THEM WHEN WE WERE READY. WHEN WE HAD TIME TO PREPARE. CLEARLY THAT ISN'T WHAT'S HAPPENING!" he yelled throughout the whole thing and I flinched away from him. Tears were stinging at my eyes.

"It wasn't like I meant for this to happen" I said not meeting his angry gaze. I didn't even notice him stand when he said:

"We should have never gone out to the ice cream parlor. We shouldn't have kissed! This is all your fault. I told you I didn't want to go, why couldn't you have just listened to me!" he continued yelling and I couldn't take it.

"BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE ANGRY BUT YOU DON'T THINK I'M NOT? I AM PISSED THAT THIS PERSON DIDN'T RESPECT OUR PRIVACY. I'M SORRY I WAS TRYING TO BE GOOD TO YOU AND TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE I KNOW YOU WOULD ENJOY BECAUSE I'VE SEEN YOU STARTING TO GET MORE DEPRESSED FOR SOME REASON AND I'M UPSET ABOUT THAT. BUT FOR ONCE YOU NEED TO STOP AND RECOGNIZE OTHERS FEELINGS." I was panting by the end. My throat hurt. We just stared at each other angry.

"I need to go" he said weakly and passed me, only to hear the door slam shut moments later.

I went to the kitchen to get some water because my throat felt like pins and needles. I picked up the cup but my hands were shaky and I immediately dropped it. I cursed, going down to pick up the shards. I put them together subconsciously as if it were a puzzle. It wasn't until most of the shards were together that I realized what the cup said.

"Dan Howell and Phil Lester: Friends since '09"

I broke down into a fit of sobs. I stood up, grabbed another cup and threw it at the wall. I just kept throwing cups at the wall. I forgot we had a picture hanging on the wall. I threw a cup and it hit the picture, shattering the glass that was protecting the picture. The impact from the cup also caused it to fall off the hook it was on. I went over to the picture, not caring about the glass I was stepping on to go pick it up. I bent down to pick it up. It was a picture of me and Dan hugging for the first time. More tears threatened to fall. I ripped up the picture, knowing that the fight had ruined everything. 

~Back to the present~

It's been a week since I've seen Dan. Since he walked out. Since we broke up. I don't know how to occupy my time anymore. It's just Dan. He's the only thing on my mind. I'm pretty sure I never crossed his mind once. I decided to turn on the news.

"Breaking news. YouTube star and radio show host Dan Howell, has gotten into a horrible car accident. He is in fatal condition. No more information is given. All of us here at the studio are praying for his family and for him. And now onto-" I shut off the news and called PJ. 

One ring. 

Two rings.

Three rings. 

On the fourth ring he finally picked up. 

"Phil are you okay?" he asked hearing my labored breathing. 

"Do you know what happened to Dan?" I asked quickly starting to panic. 

"No why what happened? He told me he was going out to get something?" 

"He got into a bad car accident. He's in the hospital." I said feeling my chest tighten at the words. Dan is in the hospital. "PJ I'm sorry but I gotta go." I hung up on him, put on my shoes and ran. 

I ran all the way to the hospital. I went over to the woman at the front desk. 

"Hi was there a Dan Howell that was admitted here?" I asked tapping my fingers against the counter. 

"There was a Daniel Howell admitted here but he is currently in surgery. You are going to have to wait in Waiting Room: Surgeries. Got it dear?" she said. 

"Yes thank you" I said speed walking to the room. I waited for two hours. Every time a nurse or a doctor came in, I nearly leapt out of my seat. Finally a doctor came in. 

"Anyone here for Daniel Howell?" I ran over to her as soon as the words left her mouth. 

"Yes hi I'm here for Dan." I said fidgeting. 

"Well he still still undergoing surgery. There are a lot of fragments from the car that is stuck in him and we are trying to our best abilities to get them out."

"Is he going to be okay though?" I asked nervously. 

"It's hard to say. He hit his  head pretty bad and he may have a concussion. We'll bring you more updates soon." she said already leaving before I processed what she had just said. 

I sat back down in the chair and waited once again. 

~two to three hours later~

The same doctor came back to me with some news. 

"He finished up surgery. He's still unconscious but you can go see him. His room is Room 13B which is down the hall" she stated. 

I thanked the woman and ran down the hall. I found the room and stopped in front of the door. I took a deep breath and opened the door. What I saw next broke my heart. 

Dan was lying on the bed, bandage wrapped his torso and arms. I looked at his leg which was in a cast. His head had gauze wrapped around the top. 

His eyes were open slightly. I ran over next  to him. 

"Oh my god Dan." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He looked up at me with a broken expression and dull eyes. They were no longer a nice bright chocolate color. They looked like a dull dirt color. 

"P-Phil." I quickly shushed him. 

"Don't talk, just listen. Look I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about our fight and everything that had happened. This is 100% my fault and I'm sorry for forcing you to go to that stupid ice cream place. I'm sorry. I..I love you" I said basically sobbing. 

"I-I love you too..." his words trailed off, grip loosening, eyes drifting shut. 

"Dan?" there was no response. The machine started beeping faster and faster. 

"Dan!" I panicked and was pulled away from him as nurses and doctors crowded around him. 

~time lapse~

"YouTube sensations Daniel Howell and Phil Lester, have passed away last night. Daniel died in the hospital while Phil ended up taking his own life. They will be greatly missed by us all. And now onto..."