Dear Evan Hansen Headcannons & One-Shots & Other Things

when he sees me

i've never seen or heard all of waitress but yellowlibertine told me to listen to this song and i was inspired to write this:

Evan ran downstairs and into the kitchen, Jared trailing behind him with three different neckties in his hands.

"I can't do it, Jare!" He threw his hands up in frustration.

"Sure you can," Jared argued, laying the ties in a row on the counter.

"Woah, what's happening?" Connor looked up from where he was sat at the counter, a book laid open in front of him with a nearly empty glass of milk to his left.

"I set Ev up on a date with the hot guy from my Physics class," he explained casually as Evan began pacing nervously behind him. "I spent all that effort trying to find love for my friend..."

"I didn't ask you to!" Evan defended, pausing momentarily to point an accusing finger at Jared. "I don't need to find love with a human. That's why we got a cat."

"Yeah but you can't get out your sexual frustration on Tom. That's bestiality and animal abuse."

"Hey, I'm not the one here who's sexually frustrated," he argued, continuing back and forth on the kitchen tile.

"Well, I have a boyfriend to relieve my sexual frustration with and Connor is a mystery to us all, so that leaves you," he picked up the green argyle necktie, "now stop moving so I can finish dressing you."

Evan leaned his head back as he stopped pacing long enough to let Jared tie the tie for him.

"Connor isn't a mystery. He's been our best friend for, like, three years."

"Damn. I liked being a mystery," Connor mumbled as he watched the other boys' antics.

"He is. You are. We know that Evan's a huge virgin and you both know all the people I've dated or slept with, but you never tell us about your love life," Jared pointed out, finishing the classic knot and adjusting it for Evan.

"God. You distracted me, now I'm even more scared." He pushed Jared away to adjust his own tie.

"Why? Jare said he's hot. Take the free meal and fuck him," Connor reasoned, trying to focus on his book again. He ignored the unsettling feeling that had begun growing in the pit of his stomach at the thought of Evan going on a date with some boy.

"I don't want just a free meal and a fuck. I'm not like you," Evan sighed, tugging at the sleeves of his white dress shirt. "I actually feel emotions."

"Do you need some ice for that burn?" Jared chuckled, holding up his hand in expectation for a high five, but Evan ignored him.

"I can't go. This is too stressful."

"Stop! You have to," he protested, grabbing Evan's hands to stop him from untying his tie. "What about the guy?"

"Exactly. What about him?" Evan began pacing again. "What if he talks too fast? Or what if he asks me too many questions and I don't know how to answer them? What if he's one of those impatient people who's rude to the waiter even though they're busy or stressed out or new on the job and it's not even their fault that the food took so long-"

"Oh my god, that won't happen," Jared insisted, rolling his eyes as he turned to open one of the cabinets in search of a snack.

"You don't know that!"

"Yeah, I'm the one who has a class with him. He doesn't seem like that type."

"Okay, well what if he is?" Evan repeated, walking around to the other side of the counter to find his shoes.

Looking up from his book, Connor watched as he bent down to tug on the pair of black Converse.

"Then you stuff all the breadsticks in your purse and leave," Jared answered, pulling out a half-empty package of Oreos from the cabinet.

"What if he's a criminal?"

"He's not... I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be in college right now if he was."

"What if he eats Oreos the wrong way?" Evan stood with his shoes now tied, glaring at Jared as he bit the whole cookie like a sandwich.

"There's no wrong way."

"Yes there is," Connor chimed, not bothering to look up from his book despite the fact that he wasn't able to pay attention to the words on the page when his roommates were making such a commotion. "Cream first, then cookies. Or, if you must eat it like you always do, at least dunk it in milk first."

"See? This is why Con is my favourite roommate," Evan agreed.

Connor's heart swelled at his words, but he hid it with his usual mask of a straight face.

"What if he... I dunno, like, leaves? When he sees me. I mean, I know I would if I was going on a blind date with myself."

"Ev," Jared frowned, swallowing his mouthful of cookies and cream, "first of all, don't put yourself down like that. You've been doing so well with your mental health lately. Second, Matt is such a nice guy. If there was any reason for him to not be attracted to you, which there's not, by the way. But if there was, he would still go through with the date, obviously. If it isn't meant to be, then it isn't meant to be. Just try it out, see how it goes."

"That just makes it worse. What if he's super nice and I fall in love with him and I have to let my guard down and commit to being in a relationship?"

"Then you'll have to figure that out in the future. But right now is just one first date. You can do it," Jared assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

"Thanks," Evan muttered, pulling him into a quick hug before backing away to frown. "What if he's colorblind?"

"Hey! Rude," Connor objected. "I'm right here."

"Sorry. That's just the biggest dealbreaker for me."

Connor's heart and face fell for a moment, before he realized Evan was being sarcastic and smirking at him.

"I think I'm prepared. How do I look?"

Leaning over the counter, Connor picked up the two neckties left and held them up on either side of Evan's face.

"Is this one purple?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Purple makes your eyes stand out." He handed Evan the solid tie, setting the striped one on the counter again, and sat back down, watching as he switched the green one for purple.

"Why are you taking his advice?" Jared pouted. "You literally just pointed out that he's colorblind."

"Uh... He's literally an art major. He knows more about color theory than you ever will," Evan defended, finishing a Windsor knot.

"Oh, and you just had to show me up with your fancy tie tying skills."

"Yes I did. Bye, kids," Evan called, picking up his phone and keys from the table as he headed towards the front door.

When it clicked shut behind him, Connor sighed sadly and closed his book, resting his chin in his hands while Jared put away the Oreos.

"Hey, wanna order a pizza and drink way too much beer?" Jared suggested, leaning over the counter to do so.

"Don't you have a boyfriend to leave me for too?"

"Nah, he's in Ohio for his cousin's wedding right now," he explained briefly to a frowning Connor. "Aw, what? Is somebody sad that his friends are falling in love and he isn't?"

"Evan isn't in love. He hasn't even met the guy before," he argued, sitting up straighter. "And how do you know I'm not in love? You just admitted a few minutes ago that you know nothing about my love life."

"Hey, it was just a guess." Jared held ip his hands in defense. "So that's a no to the pizza and beer...?"

"No. Of course I want pizza and beer, dumbass."

Jared smirked and pulled out his phone to go to the Domino's website as Connor got up to go on a beer run.