Lily was standing behind James, who was sitting as still as he possibly could on one of the rickety kitchen chairs. Amongst the buzz of chatter, the distinctive sound of snipping was present, and James watched as his hair fell to the floor like confetti around him. After her own dramatic cut, James had decided that he too needed to undergo a chop, though not one as severe as Lily's.
"Are you sure it's straight, Evans?" He asked yet again, pulling his head away from the scissors that were snipping away at the hair growing at the nape of his neck.
She rolled her eyes and put her hand on the crown of his head to hold him still. "For the last time yes." She drawled. "Why?" She added teasingly. "Are you planning on attending a beauty pageant?"
"No but I might meet a fit girl on one of these raids." He teased in response, smirking as he looked straight ahead.
"Do you really want to say stuff like that when I've got a sharp object close to your neck, Potter?"
"I was just teasing." He reassured her. "Are you almost done? I'm bored and I want to actually spend some time looking at your face before I have to leave."
"Almost..." However, they didn't get a chance to spend any more time together, because a moment later Peter ran into the room calling for James, his face grey.
"What is it, Wormtail?" James asked, and Lily pulled the scissors away from his head in case he reacted too viscerally to whatever it was that Peter had to say.
"James..." Peter panted, clutching his side. "It's your dad. He's sick."
"What?" James leapt to his feet, knocking over the chair in the process. Lily, too numb to think of what else to do, picked up the chair and then began tidying away the jet black hair littering the floor. It wasn't until Mary bent down and put her arms around Lily's shoulders, helping her up that the latter realised what was being said.
"He's been sending owls all over the place trying to reach you, finally he tried Dumbledore at the school. He's got dragon pox, James. It's-... It's pretty advanced." Peter garbled as James paced the kitchen, his fingers knotted in his uneven hair. Lily was only half done, and it didn't look like she'd be able to neaten it up any time soon.
"I have to go and see him." James said finally.
Lily stepped forward. "I'll come with you."
"No." James said stonily, and then softening, put his hand on her cheek. "You'll be safer here, I couldn't deal with any extra guilt if I put you in more danger. I'll apparate home and I'll use the fire tonight to talk to you."
"James..." Lily whimpered, but he cut her off by putting his other hand on her face and steering her gaze so that she was looking directly into his eyes, and he into hers.
"Lily, I have to do this." He whispered, as though aware of the others listening in. " I'll be careful, I promise you."
"Okay... Give him my love."
"I will. Don't tell Moody where I've gone until he asks." He replied, ducking down and kissing her gently.
"Best of luck, James." Remus said from across the room as James reached the doorway.
"See ya, Prongs." Sirius added quietly, and Lily could tell that he wished he could go and say goodbye to his adopted father too. But they all knew it would be too dangerous. James was risking a lot going there, if anyone else were to leave the odds would be truly out of their favour.
The front door slammed shut and Lily's bottom lip began to quiver. Remus cleared his throat and sat down in the chair that James had vacated. "Just a trim, thanks Evans. Keep in mind that bald patches will show no matter what form I'm in." Lily laughed and wiped her face with a checkered tea towel before picking the scissors back up and combing the back of Remus' head with her fingers. Everyone volunteered to have a turn, if only to keep her mind off of James, except Sirius who insisted he was growing his hair out.
~~~
That night, as she had suspected she would, Lily could not sleep. She rose from their empty bed in the early hours of the morning, and without any real intention or destination slipped on her shoes and pulled one of James' hoodies over her head and tip-toed out into the creaking corridor. She could hear something, something that sounded like music, and so she followed the melody through Headquarters and out into the back garden. Benjy Fenwick was sitting beneath a tree, playing the violin. He smiled sheepishly when he saw her approaching and pulled the instrument away from his neck as the final notes of the song flew away into the night. "My uncle taught me how to play," He said with a modest shrug. "He was a Muggle like my Mum. Sometimes I like to play, especially when I can't sleep."
Lily smiled softly. "I like it."
"You can't sleep either?"
Lily sighed and sank down beside him on the hard ground. "Not without James." She replied simply, wrapping her arms around herself and leaning her head back against the tree's thick trunk.
"Are you ever going to tell us what Moody and Dumbledore were talking to you about the other day?" Benjy asked with genuine curiosity.
"I can't." She answered quickly, hoping the subject would be dropped as quickly as it had begun. She didn't even like to think about the mission that had been set for her, let alone explain and discuss it with anyone else.
Benjy was quiet for a moment. "You were up there for hours, Lily." He finally reminded her gently.
"I know I was."
"James was a wreck."
"I know he was."
"Is it really bad? Really dangerous."
"Benjy-..." Lily whined, as a gentle warning. She didn't like keeping things from her friends, especially Benjy. They had gotten on well from the moment that he had arrived, and were similar in many ways. They trusted one another completely, and she was sure that he would not only understand her predicament but sympathise. He would even, probably, give her unbiased advice. But she couldn't risk it.
"You're right, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me." Benjy rushed, and instantly Lily's chest flooded with regret and the urge to confide in him.
"If I could I would, but they made me promise."
"They didn't make you do an Unbreakable Vow did they?"
"No." She said bitterly. "Moody suggested it might be for the best but Dumbledore overruled him on it. He said it wouldn't be necessary. I think he was just worried that I won't be able to keep it a secret, especially from James, and that instead of actually being of any use to them I'd just drop down dead a few minutes after making the Vow."
"Yeah that wouldn't be great. Have you told James then?"
"No. I'm desperate to but I can't. It's a pretty intense thing to have to deal with, and especially right now I don't want to put that on him, no matter how much he insists he can handle it."
He nodded understandingly, but said nothing. He turned his head toward the violin and smiled at her. "Any requests?"
"You pick. Play your favourite. I'll just listen for a while if that's alright."
~~~
Late the next afternoon, Moody called them all out into the garden. "Right, I've decided that you all need some practice fighting with other people. The last few days have made me realise even more strongly that we are living, against all odds, in extremely uncertain times. People are disappearing from our ranks. Most, thankfully, will return to us within time," He nodded generously toward Lily, who found herself unable to return the gesture. "But others will not. Either way, we cannot stop fighting. Raids and missions will continue until the last member of this Order stands, or the war is over." He split them into new pairs, ignoring his previous reverence to gender and height. Marlene and Lily were paired together, and though she pretended not to care, Lily could see that Marlene missed Sirius' presence beside her. Dorcas joined up with Peter, Emmeline and Remus also joined forces. Mary and Alice paired off with the Prewetts, though Gideon peeled off after a little while to look for a magazine he'd been reading earlier, with a new defensive spell inside that he hoped would come in useful, and so wanted to practice. Frank and Benjy also paired off, and worked exceedingly well it appeared.
