Just Avenue

Chapter 2

Pretty. Damn. Pretty. Embarass. Pretty. Pretty. Damn! I'm trying to calm myself from humiliation. I want to punch his face, the face of the fucker, douche boy who hit my face with his dusty-muddied ball. I want to scream, shout and punch his big mouth who has the same shape as Chord Overstreet. It makes me more irritated as I saw his lip, almost looking like a punching bag inside my imagination. If I wasn't myself "Avenue the nicest and calmest creature in this place slash Ginger's bff", then I might use my takewondo skill to break his nose. 

I wanted to scream, as the ball hit my face very hard. Obviously, it is unwarn and not intentional. As his big mouth moved, telling me that it is an accident. His impulsive action of playing outside the court is an accident. The swelling of my cheeks which are covered by muds are forgiveable. Damn! I want to tell him that he is a fuck off jerk who even tried to flirt with me in order to get Ginger's number. Damn. Damn. Do you know what's the worst part of my distress tragedy? I can't even do what my logical mind intended to do because my superego tells me that it is against the crowd's norms and premises. I am the most pathetic girl in town who's own mind cannot stand alone without the approval of Ginger and crowd. The girl who is very nice because she don't want to be bullied or embarassed.  Rather than threatening him, I almost tell him... "Do you wanna build a snowman?" Okay, I admit I really sing it in front of him in a very small-low pitch voice. My eyes are almost stink with tear but I tried to hide it. I felt so small and frigid. Singing one of Frozen's song might lessen the tension all around. I think I blew my chance to have a normal-happy high school life. They stare at me like some kind of a freak. I can't blame them who can do what I did. 

Like Cinderella, I run away from the crowd. Why do I think of Cinderella? I don't have glass shoes. No one will ever chase me and wipe away my tears, distress and insecurities. In addition, I don't like making household chores. Cinderella is never a suitable character for me. She's too kind, demeaure and secretive. Who should? Crap. I hate myself for thinking who's fairytale princess will be suited for me. I don't even know where I went because my eyes hurts. I can't clearly see the path. It bothers me to look in the mirror and see my face which looks like a rotten meat. 

I stopped for a minute, thinking where my feet brought me. Scanning the road, Cars are moving so fast. It is difficult to catch a taxi in the middle of the road. Upset by my face looks alike because the mud stuck on my cheeks. Looking like a psycho who lost her desire to live. I know my eyes looked dull and gloomy because nobody is staring. There is no need to pretend that I'm fine. The truth is I never been fine. Fine is so medicore, average. Normally, these past years never felt that way. Tears keep coming down my eyes. It really hurts to be hit by a ball but being someone your not is worst. My legs are sore from running. I am not an athlete nor a person with great stamina. Clumsy and timid are the perfect words for myself. Suddenly, everything seems like to paralyze. Sitting in the hot-stone of sideways, I didn't even care who would see me. I almost didn't care, but I do.