mayce goes to hell

the virgin mayce

i was going to put britney spears lyrics in this but i would never do my god a disservice like that

Syo decided that she had had Enough of mayce.

Perhaps it was because he was Mayce, and the author as well as God has beef with mayce at this point, and he is really getting on her nerves.

"This is really getting on my nerves," syo said very originally "not only could you not punch Orca, the worsteth man still currently alive without his head, but you couldnt even be mean to any of the american presidents or even justin trudeau. what the fuck is wrong with you."

"i like justin trudeau," mayce said

"you dense cuck," she sighed and stabbed him mentally "please yahoo answers it then because honestly? its valentines day and i have sex to do"

Syo was right. Not only was it currently valentines day (in this universe because the author was too lazy to write), but so much had changed in however long it had been since he had last been on earth. jimmy neutrons cancellation had really taken its toll on canada. firstly, all  of Canada had turned into God's Cinco De Mayo festival. EVeryone had mandatory maracas they had to shake while fire rained down from the heavens. then, the entire country had turned into ugly beige and orange tones, which aesthetically was not very pleasing to anyone, especially to Eyes, and now, the Basketball ruled them all, partially because AC was too busy yiffing to actually "govern" any of them and partially because if they didn't listen to him, he and his giant rotund body would flatten the populus into sexee Mexican pancakes. 

"oh, almighty basketball," some stock characters said in unicef "we worship you"

the basketball sloshed greedilyh, his inner juices oranging into a likwuidy pulp. for some reason, mayce found this arousing.

"it is valentines day for me,  my despicable me minions" the basketball somehow said without a mouth or any visible holes "but still cinco de mayo, forever, for you"

and it was true. whomst so ever brought up the idea of other holidays (ESPECIALLY family day, the highest holy day in canada) was to be squirted upon with the toxic basketball innards and instantly perish. the canadians knew this, crying as Kevin The Jazzercise Cop led them all in the Customary Mexican Hat Dance

But something was not right in the mysteerious bacterial culture that was Canadia, and that was almost definitely mayce. now that he was a "legal adult" and had also undergone every single stage of puberty while conked out in hell, he was discovering that perhaps he, as an individual, should not have frequented DeviantArt, fore now he found himself cursed with a fetish in the form of a thickly inflated basketball. his desire for the voluptious beast grew, all two and a half centimetres of it. 

the orange juice man himself had also noticed, and similarly, was intreeged. 

"mmmmmmmm," he mmm'd. "you there.... in the lego star wars t-shirt"

"thats me," said mayce, the only person who would ever like lego star wars

"im extreemely attracted to unshowered men with low self esteems"

and it was true, for mayce had never showered, and did not know what that word meant. he remembered orca, back when he had a head, used to oppress him by threatening to light the solidified grease in his hair on fire, and by threaten he meant actually did it, and that was one of the many reasons why mayce had brain damage

"you reek greatly of olive oil," the basketball juiced. "are you,, mayhaps, a virgin?"

the word brought tears to mayces poor, salivating orbs. unlike most words, he knew what that meant. orca, as well as the other canadian children, would always squash him emotionally with his own virginity,. no matter how much Respecting Women juice he drank, it just wasn't enough.... he was still "ugly" and "gross" and "manipulative" (whatever that meant) but most of all..... an incel virgin.

but throughout these long, 22 minutes of being alive again, mayce realized.... he just didn't care. so what if he was a virgin? so what if he never officially cumnsummated his relationships both with Simon (who was too high to considre the consekwuences of his actions), and Pet, who had abandoned him for canadian political power......... so what...... he was proud anyway.

"yes," he said defiantly, to the headless orca who wasnt there, and for all the headless orcas of the world, "i am a virgin............... and im proud"

"okay," said the sexy basketball, "but how would you like to change that"

it was then that mayce decided to forget his previous speech. hoisted up by the mexican hat dancers, he was escorted to the Bedroom, the giant, intoxicating basketball rolling hornily behind him

someone should kill me before i write more of this