Unrelated - But a vital part of me

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Summer nights

Summer night

With a dress, skin tight,

Not wanting to make friends,

But not wanting to fight.


Summer flight,

A golden necklace which gleams in the sun light,

I think I just might,

Spend another night wild.


Summer's bright,

The damp air is mild.

Sun rays are white.

Too strong, too intense, too bright.

Why escape, why hide?

The sight

Of purple air and green mountains

Makes me sick.

Turquoise waters and abandoned fountains

Is almost too much to handle.

It makes me sick.

I'd rather be at home at night, lighting a candle

But fate's forcing me out on adventures,

Which I don't like and which I didn't choose

To tag along on, with my so-called friend.



The booze they all ooze.

They act cool and cruise

But it'll all bruise

Them in the end.

I did show up, I did go along

On adventures, unwanted and uninvited,

But my inner light never enlightened

Me the way this does.

Thought-provoking. The last stanza is the strongest -- last line provokes rumination. 

If I'm honest...it would behoove you to present your poetry in a singular form, like this one, rather than the preceding groups of poems. It's reader-friendly, user-friendly, and vision-friendly to separate longer blocks of text. May I ask why you chose to put all these poems in one book? You mention that your style changed over time...have you considered making multiple poetry books? I could be wrong, but it's my opinion you will receive greater interaction with your readers if you present your poetry in a simpler, shorter format (ie one poem per chapter). 

You have a developing voice you could better nourish by avoiding clichés and concentrating on coaxing your own style to the surface. When I read these poems, I see the influence of other writers, but it's sometimes difficult to pinpoint where their voice ends and yours begins. I say this not to discourage you, but to encourage the development of your individual approach. Solid wordplay, you can hone with time, effort, and experimentation.

I applaud your dedication to the craft. Keep going. <3

7y ago

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