Forever in Sixteen Days

Day Ten

Let it go.

Today, I decided that I'd just accept things and do my best to be happy with them.

It's the way it works, you know.

My heart knows when to give up. It knows when to stop holding on.

I chose to let go of the things that hold me back from being happy.

I'm Xenna's best friend. If she needed me, I'd be there. If she didn't then I'd still be there. I wouldn't leave her just because I was hurt. Pain was not an excuse here.

I could still take it. My limitations weren't pushed yet.

I'm Warren's friend. I once asked him about this. Of who I was to him way back those days before the wall.

"Uh, Warren"

"Yes, Lynn?"

"I want to ask something, I hope you don't mind."

"Sure, sure."

"I was wondering, when you told me that our friendship was real, what was I to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you, ever, see me as a best friend? Or did you always see me as just a friend?"

"Lynn, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay, I want to hear the simple truth. Don't add anything that would make it sound better. I can't promise that I won't get hurt, but the simple truth is always better than any kind of lie. Or modified truth, for that matter. A modified truth is already considered a lie. Truth should be pure, you know."

"Okay. When you told me that you trust me and that you see me as a best friend, I told myself that I should see you as my best friend too, even if I only see you as a friend at that time. Believe me Lynn, I tried. I really did. I tried to treat you like my other best friends, but it just won't work. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if my words were misleading."

"Thank you. Thank you for telling the truth. The truth prevents misinterpretation of things. It's okay, I already forgave you when the new year started."

"Thank you for your understanding, Lynn."

"You're welcome."

I'm Warren's friend. As far as I know, he sees me as a friend. But he's my best friend. In fact, she's like the male counterpart of Xenna in my life. And the same thing applied to him. I wouldn't leave him just because I was hurt. Pain was never an excuse.

I sent a message to him that night.

It read: Warren, I want you to remember that I'm here for you. But even with what I said, please don't pressure myself into seeing me as a best friend even if you only see me as a friend. What we have is enough. I'm okay with this. What's important is that our friendship is true.

He replied: Believe it or not, Lynn, I'm learning to appreciate you more, to see you as a best friend. Don't worry, I won't pressure myself.

Me: We made mistakes before. But we won't let those ruin what we have now, right? We started again, and this new beginning is what matters.

Him: Yeah, we won't make the same mistakes anymore.

Thank you for this new beginning, Warren.

Another message from Warren appeared.

Him: How are things with Xenna?

Me: Same, same. No new argument. No improvement either.

Him: You haven't talked to her yet?

Me: Yes. I guess I'm not yet that ready. But...

Him: But?

Me: Things are getting better for me now. I'm trying to accept my current situation. My progress is slow, but at least I have progress. Accepting something that's against your will is never easy. I am slowly widening my understanding, to see beyond the horizon. Maybe I'll see something better than what I have now. Maybe things will be okay soon. I just have to believe.

Him: You just have to believe.

Me: Yeah.

Him: I just want to share something with you.

Me: Sure.

Him: Smiling during a storm and worrying during a storm won't have any effect on the storm itself.

Genius, Warren. Pure genius. What you do during a storm won't have any effect on the storm itself. What you do during a storm will have an effect on you.

Me: Whoa. Was that an original quote?

Him: I don't google my advice, Lynn. So yeah.

Me: Amazing. Thank you so much, Warren! That was a very inspirational quote. I should keep that in mind.

It's been a long time since he last acted this way, since he became this concerned about me. It's been months since I last saw him speaking like that. Even just on messages.

I've missed that Warren. The Warren that became my best friend when Xenna wasn't there.

I sent another message to him.

Me: You're back, Warren. My best friend is finally back.

Him: I'm glad to be back.

I could've cried upon reading that.

If Warren didn't love me like I loved him, at least I have our friendship.

If I'll ever let go of Warren, I will only let go of my special feelings. But never the friendship. Never, ever. I want to keep our friendship. I don't ever want to lose the Warren that saw me when I was invisible.

Question is, will I ever let go of Warren?

Only my heart could answer. And it certainly didn't want to answer. Not yet.

My heart wanted to live in the split second of infinity that I had when Warren said that he's glad to be back.

It was an infinity smaller than the one that I had with Xenna and Kenneth. But it was still an infinity. A teeny, tiny, infinity that I would treasure.

It was a precious moment that I would never let go of.