Angel

Chapter Thirty-Six: Daryl

The entire ride to the Sanctuary, I had to talk myself down. It was a good thing it was a long ride because I needed the time. I was going back to the place I swore I would never go. I had no choice. I had to do this for Maggie. My thoughtless actions had cost her enough already, she wouldn't lose anyone else because of me. Glenn's death was my fault. Even though Maggie said she didn't blame, I did. I was the one who impulsively swung at Negan. I couldn't take his taunting of Rosita anymore, the problem was I swung first without thinking of the consequences. That well-meaning, but poorly timed punch cost Glenn his life. We all had to watch as Negan brutally murdered him. That scene will forever be running through my head. Not a day went by that I didn't think of him.

That's why I had to do this for Maggie. I needed to redeem myself even this little bit, to make up for the loss of Glenn. Fetching the doctor from there was the least I could do.

I saw the Sanctuary buildings approaching in the distance and I felt like I was going to throw up. That's how bad I hated it here. And that's how bad I hated Dwight. He locked me up, kept me naked in a hot dark cell, fed me fuckin' dog food, but I never ever gave in. He took my bike, took my crossbow, and that bastard took my vest. That was the last piece of home I had. My only part of my life before the world went to shit. That vest was me and I want that piece of leather back.

I was able to steal my motorcycle the day I escaped. A got a new crossbow from the Kingdom, but I still didn't have that vest. If I had to kill that mangled motherfucker to get it back I would. But not today. Maggie had to come first.

Then there was Angel. If I tried to kill Dwight now it would be my death sentence. Me against the hundreds here had me on the losing end. I couldn't do that to her. I know she needed me as badly as I needed her.

Angel came into my life as I was giving up. I should have died that day from the knife wounds, but somehow I was able to stumble miles to that abandoned cabin. It was like something was steering me there for her to find me. Angel saved my life that day and changed me forever. I can't imagine not having her in it which is the oddest thing for me. I went well over forty years living for me and not caring about much else.

Merle and me used women for just one thing – sex. I wasn't the kind of guy you dated and brought home to Mom and Pops. No, I was the guy you fucked in the bathroom when you were half-drunk in a bar. I didn't need more and I definitely didn't want more. Livings with this group of strangers, who now were as close as family to me, I learned that women could be friends too. Maggie, Carol, Michonne, and the others became my friends and I trusted them. But they never warmed my bed. I never wanted that with any of them. Angel changed that the second I met her.

I was hot for her as soon as my eyes could focus that day. I said nuthin', did nuthin' about it. There was no way a beautiful woman like her would want an old redneck loser like me. But I loved the nights. We shared the same small bed with Angel cuddling up next to me. I never fell asleep until she did. It was the only time I could relax and let my imagination run wild. What would it be like with her every day by my side? And most importantly, what would it be like to be inside of her? Now I know. It's fuckin' incredible and gets better every damn time.

So, I'm not gonna act like a jackass and go after Dwight. I need more time with Angel. If I plan it right, she'll be part of the family by then, so if anything happens to me, I know that she'll be taken care of. That's why today's not the day.

As I approached the gates on the bike, I realized that I was saying that over and over again. "Today's not the day. Today's not the day." It couldn't be. There was just too much at risk for me to fuck this up. First things first and that meant bringing the doc back to Maggie.