Forever Hidden. Never Found.

I watched my ' friends' play a ball game in the chilly Febuary breeze. My hands numbed as the wind blew against my skin. I walked around the outline of the field, observing my classmates' talent. They smiled at eachother like they were sharing a secret, or was it just me? I felt so awkward standing there like a red flag in a sea of black. What was I supposed to do? Ruin their game? What was I supposed to say? I want to play? No way. Why? Because that's not me and it's no one I'm going to be. I can't do that, it's wrong and plus I don't have that much confidence. I shiver as the shrill sound of the bell jolts me out of my distracting thoughts. Slowly, I make my way towards the school as one if my 'closest friends' dribbles after me, shouting nonsense in a fake Indian accent. How does she not realize what's going on around her? Is she really that naive and oblivious? She questions me about me not playing with her and the boys. I ignore and continue on my way. She doesn't notice. I choose to ignore my jumbled assumptions as they soar through my head, competing to rule my mind. Goosebumps run down my spine as I tuck my chin further down my jacket. Can it get any colder? We quickly enter the old building and head straight to our classes. I watch as kids all around me huddle together, laughing at nothing in particular. Just enjoying the comfort of being with friends who acctualty care. My head spins as my own 'friends' walk right past me and some even bump into me not bothering to stop to apologize. I get pushed up against a wall and lay my head back, sighing on despair. I feel the love. I finally enter my class and make a beeline to my seat. I try to occupy myself so no one would bother me. How pathetic is that? I watch as my classmates hurry into their own seats and start heated conversations with the people around them. I sneak a glance at my own partner and sigh quietly, laying my head in my wooden desk. I hear bits and pieces of of conversations and try to store them in my memory. Maybe they'll be useful some other day. I relunctantly raise my head as the loud, booming sound of my teacher's voice echoes thought out the room. I listen intently, copying down a numerous amount of notes into my notebook. I hesitantly raise my hand to answer the question; where is Alabama? The teacher chooses me, I blurt out " in the USA." Instantly I regret it as different emotions snake around my body, trapping me in one place. After getting humiliated, I stay very quiet. As usual. When the familiar sound of the bell rings through the school, I race to my locker and pull out my lunch bag and my gym bag. Stuffing my mouth with tasteless food, I change and start shooting some hoops. Minutes later, while I'm practicing my lay ups, my team mates file out of the change room and that's when another tiring and frustrating practice begins. After, I went to my gym class and zoomed through my science class. The day was finally over, as slow as all the other days. Climbing on the bus, I head home. The soft snow landing all over me, melting quickly and crowing my clothes. The sight of all the white, unique stars creating this beautiful atmosphere makes me feel safe and protected. Why can't the whole world be this pretty and calm? I stood still, surveying my surroundings. What. A. Sight. The time went by fast, the wind blew harsher, the snow fell harder and the daylight dimmed. Racing towards my house, I take one last look, whisper a single word of please and go in for the night. I don't notice the handsome male watching from a distance. I don't notice a young boy, around my age, walking up to him. I dont notice them walking away together. I don't notice the single, shimmering tear drop, that fell from my cheek, stain my door step. How do I not notice all that, when I notice everything else? Answer: I did notice.