Love You Goodbye ~ h.s

9

Heartbreaking.

It was heartbreaking to know that he stood outside my college every time I was in class. I had seen him. Whenever I would walk out with Olivia or Louis – a new friend of mine – I would see his black SUV zooming off. I had memorized the number plate – A03 21. It's been four days and I've tried to pretend like nothing happened, that I didnt break an innocent boy's life, but it got harder each day.

The first day was the easiest. I returned home from the storm, the merciless rain, and locked myself in my room. The ache wasn't well settled in my chest, then. I had downed a few cups of coffee, staying up late like an insomniac and researched on the attack I had experienced earlier that day. There wasn't much on the internet. I decided to ignore the issue.

The next day, a Tuesday, Olivia and I had followed up on our plan of meeting up in the mall. She had texted me at one point in the night and I had immediately confirmed the timings. I needed a distraction. She had noticed how bad I looked, the bags under my brown eyes werent unnoticeable but she hadn't commented. I swear I saw her bite her tongue once or twice in the beginning of her our shopping spree at the local mall. She even forced me to eat a cheeseburger, saying that it was the 'medicine of the soul' but I had just played around with it until Olivia snatched it from me and asked me what was going on. I dismissed her, decided to explain everything on the way back home. She had pooled in with me in my car so I was the one to drop her. Olivia, however, had other plans. She had already bought five sweatshirts and sweaters but she wanted me to upgrade my wardrobe. 

I ignored her, picking a black sweater and paying for it before dragging my best friend out of the sour-smelling mall. Then, we went home and I told her everything. I told her about my father and Harry's mysterious phone call, leaving out the fact that he loved me. She rubbed my back, soothing me but it wouldn't work. She hushed me with sweet words and suggestions to eat ice cream, watch movies and whatnot but everything made me feel worse. Because ice cream was Harry's favorite dessert and watching movies was Harry's main hobby. We ended up watching a comedy but I couldn't focus, even when one of the main characters got married to the protagonist of the film. Not even when Olivia ended up snoring on my shoulder. I turned off the laptop, tucking it away under the bed and scooting under the blanket, next to Olivia. Allowing sleep to take me under and demolish my demons.

The third day went by in a rush. It was a Sunday so I decided to sleep and sleep. Anything to erase Harry's face when I had left him, from my mind. It was etched in there. Always reminding me of my mistakes but I didn't regret it. It didn't feel right but it never felt wrong either. It was what Harry needed. I even went to my parents' garden but it just increased the ache so I left. But sleep wouldn't remove the face. That perfect face, I realized, would always be engraved in my head, in my heart. So, then, I downed 4 cups of strong coffee at the Night Owl. Karen had a bump in her stomach and the joy that overtook my mind, distracted me from the pain for just a second. After that, it was just agony.

Today, the fourth day – Monday – was spent in misery, at my college classes. The early morning class was Literature and we were given a reading of half of the novel we were reading. My mind couldn't allow me to concentrate on the words. Half of the time was spent wiping the moisture that kept collecting in the corner of my eyes; even then, I tried to read. But the words were all a blur. Mr. Smith noticed my cheerlessness and commented just as I went to hand in my essay on Elizabeth Bennet of Pride and Prejudice but I just excused myself with a few words, 'I couldn't sleep last night, that's all', topping it off with a tired smile. I was a good actor.

Now, I sat on the bench outside college with my talkative friend who had noticed my gloominess, despite having known me for three days. Louis and I had met near the lily garden, bumping into each other and apologizing. He made me laugh. His blue eyes as bright as the ocean, brown emo hair always left messy, and unforgettable Toms, were what made him Louis. He was a small boy but his sassy personality made up for his size. I teased him about it when he questioned my reason of sadness, dismissing his question of concern completely. But Louis Tomlinson didn't give up.